July 19, 2011

Saved From The Elephant Woman

Let me state for the record: this is not a sponsored post. I have never had a sponsored post on this blog, and never will*. I paid for everything mentioned in this blog, and will continue to pay for them**.

Before we get into paying for things, though... a confession. I am 42 years old (no, this is not the confession, I am very proud of my age and have no problem with it at all***) and I have never, ever taken care of my face.

It's disgraceful. Up until recently I would wake up in the morning, wash my face in the shower with some supermarket face wash, bung on some supermarket moisturiser, and be done with it. At night I would (usually) take off my (supermarket bought) makeup with a (supermarket bought) face wipe and go to sleep. And I would wake up looking like the crumpled eighty year old love child of Bette Midler and the Elephant Man. Except with pimples.

And then, ten days ago, it all changed. I had had Enough. It was time for Change.

I needed Products****.

I headed over to Myer, where I made a beeline for the Clinique counter. Why Clinique? Well, the one makeup product I have used religiously since I read about it in a Marian Keyes novel (which was fiction, though the product was real) is Clinique pore minimiser. I love it. It makes my pores look minimised (funny that). I don't go anywhere without it. And I figured if Clinique's pore minimiser was good, then their moisturiser should be good too. Plus there was no way I was spending eight hours trying products from every range. I'm a busy woman, you know.

I picked up a bottle of Clinique moisturiser and headed for the counter. "I'll take this, please," I said politely.

The saleswoman picked up the bottle and raised her eyebrows. "Well, sure, I can sell this to you, but it doesn't have any anti-aging properties," she said pointedly.

Ah. Right. That '42 years old' thing again. How did she know?

"So what moisturiser does have anti-aging properties?" I asked. Because god knows I need anti-aging properties. Lots of them. Anti-aging skyrises. Hell, anti-aging cities.

"Let me show you our three step program," she said. And my heart sank. Because I knew what 'three step' meant. It meant there were at least three steps. And I only wanted a moisturiser.

Well guess what. There were more than three steps. There were dozens of steps.

There was the moisturiser. There was the post-moisturiser night cream. There was the cleanser. There was the toner (oops! Sorry. 'Gentle exfoliant'). There were the lifting, soothing eye creams (one for day, one for night). And of course there was the tinted moisturiser, to give me that even skin tone I've always dreamed of.

And you know what? I needed them ALL.

But still, there was more. So much more. And I wanted all of it. I wanted the face scrubs and face masks and blemish fighting concealers and petentrating liposome bust firmers and pro-magnificence radiant extractors*****. Quite frankly, however, I wouldn't have been able to carry them all home. And our bathroom cabinets aren't big enough to contain them.

So I got the first lot - the.. er.. basic essentials - and took them home with high hopes. (Actually, I had no hopes at all; in fact I worried terribly that I'd been ripped off, and that I had been conned into spending a great deal of money for absolutely no reason).

Still, despite my misgivings, I used my 'regime' twice a day, every day. Faithfully. Without fail. And it has added at least 20 minutes each to my morning and bedtime routine, which is 40 minutes less time I spend interacting with my family, or - more importantly - browsing the internet.

But it is worth it. Truly, truly worth it. My investment has paid off. I look a zillion times better. I look glowing. Okay, so maybe not glowing, but I no longer look like mandarin peel left out in the sun to wither, so that is definitely a vast improvement.

So my message is this. To all you readers out there, look after your skin. Invest in some products. It does make a difference.
And to all you Clinique executives who are no doubt reading this post (because I have a huge following amongst the Clinique family******, I can be contacted via this blog and am happy to receive truckloads of free products at any time.

I wouldn't write a sponsored post, but I'd sell my soul for a youthful glow.

*unless I am offered a great deal of money, in which case I will happily reconsider.
**unless I am offered them for free, in which case I will happily accept.
***This is a lie. I would much rather be 30.
****Capitals intended.
*****I may have made those last two up.
******well, I did give my card to the saleslady....


  1. What do you mean? Your bathroom cabinets are PLENTY big enough to store all that stuff. Plenty!

    Er, just guessing. Not that I'd know. I'd never snoop in your bathroom cabinets, of course. That would just be RUDE. ;)

  2. I went to the Clinique counter and asked for a sample of a liquid foundation expecting a little sachet sample.  She pulls out a little jar and fills it up. I love this woman, and the foundation was great.  And no upsell. 

    Having said all that, my mother has gotten by on Olay for eons. She looks great. God willing I have those genes.

    Love & stuff
    Mrs M

  3. It took my powers of control (which isn't great) to not scroll down to read the ** explanations.  Lovely to hear you've arrived in the land of beauty ... in the US make sure you visit Sephora and stock up.  x

  4. Thank god...I am so relieved that you've *fixed* yourself!

    I didn't want to say anything at the book launch because, you know, it was your night and all, but rocking up and getting that promo shot at the top was not in great taste. Glad to hear that Clinique cleared you up...

    And now that they've sorted YOU out, perhaps you could send them round to my place in Manly? Great, thanks so much!

  5. I'm laughing at the fact that you said 'I have never, ever taken care of my face' and yet you had the supermarket stuff in the shower plus moisturiser.

    I don't even have that to fall back on LOL Yes, that photo of the elephant woman will be me in the not too distant future! 

    Glad that the Clinique is working for you :) 

  6. Oh God I am a face cream junkie. Comes from working as the Clarins girl at the local chemist. I have tried it all, Clarins, Clinique, Loreal, Nivea, Meaningful Beauty, the Victoria Principal range whatever its called.
    Loyal I am not. I just get sick of one and go for another. Dunno if it works, but don't want to take the risk.
    I do love my secret weapon for the eyes. Vaseline. Yep. Petrolleum jelly. At night before bed, works a treat. Noone knows I am really 64!

  7. I'm a Clinique convert too! I've been using it for a few weeks and have already had 3 people tell me my skin looks great! I think I'd better invest in some of that pore minimiser too!

  8. Stuff Clinique. I'd settle for the moisturiser that  Warnie *uses*.......

  9. My mum recently took me out for my belated birthday shopping trip and guess where I wanted us to go? Straight to DJ's Clinique counter to get fresh supplies. But sadly it forced me to break my cardinal Clinique-Counter rule "Never make large purchase outside of freebie promotional times." Missed my beloved FREE STUFF, so not quite the same rush :(

  10. I forgot to mention! I got a BAG of free stuff too!!!! Best part of the whole thing....

  11. It was pretty cruddy supermarket stuff.... and NO toner!

  12. I know, bad idea to have that wrinkled prune shot on the back of the book...

  13. Shocking. I can't believe you did that.

  14. Oh you funny thing.....right I'm off to the Clinique counter STAT!

  15. How funny, I've just started some serious skin care routine in the last few weeks too. I think we had the same routine except some nights I didn't actually go to the trouble of removing my makeup manually - I just let my pillow case do it for me.  I am using some trial products at the moment - the Clinique eye cream being one of them. So far I likey.  Next time we see each other we shall look 10 years younger.  :) 

  16. the closest thing I get to skin care is baby spit LOL Surely with it coming from someone so young its got some sort of restorative powers in it? (yes, i'm clutching at straws here haha)

  17. Damn! *thumps desk*

  18. A while ago I decided I needed to undo all the sun baking, cheap soap damage and general negligence of my skin for the last 40+ years and went straight for the most expensive stuff I could find - La Mer.  3 expensive tubs later I have concluded that there has been no change to my appearance, and the fact it smells so much like $3.99 Ponds cream makes me think, maybe I should just be using that!

  19. You bought all this stuff the week before you're travelling to America? Don't you know how cheap Clinique is over there?? You're going to be kicking yourself... and stocking up.


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