July 14, 2011

Off I Fly. Soon. If I Make It. Which I Will. I Hope.

Next week I am going overseas. I am going with my husband to Los Angeles and New York to spend time with my good friend Simon Baker and appear on Saturday Night Live.

Of course, I lied about the Simon Baker part, but the rest is true. Except for the SNL part, which is also a lie.

It's a heady feeling, knowing you've got an overseas trip coming up without the kids. I mean, it's not that I don't adore my children, but a long haul flight is bad enough without having to wipe up your family's regurgitated airline food from your lap. (Of course, that could still happen, but I'm hoping my husband would have the sense to vomit into a bag.)

And I really some alone time with my husband. We need to reconnect as people, not just parents and homemakers. We need to remember what it is we love about each other. We need to see each other as who we are, away from the pressures of work and home.

Oh, who am I kidding. I just want to go to the States and shop.

The only problem with travelling overseas (apart from the great expense, securing child care, and retrieving the Visas we accidentally threw out from the bin) is packing. I am an utterly useless packer. I inevitably pack seventeen pairs of undies and no bra, or six tee shirts and no warm jacket, or four bikini tops and no bottoms (and none of the seventeen pairs of undies match).

I forget my extra special face cream, without which I will immediately revert to looking 117 years old. Or I forget my extra special eye cream, without which my face will still look sparkling and fresh, but my eyes will recede into hollow, wrinkled sockets.  Or I forget my extra special hair oil, without which I look like Afro Woman from Seventies Frizz Town, and give everyone an electric shock when they touch me.

I forget my phone charger. Or my phone. Or my laptop. Or my credit card. And I take three carefully chosen novels to read on the plane, one of which I finish in the first hour and a half, and the other two which turn out to be crap.

Worst of all, I forget my sleeping pills, and have to stay awake the whole flight, eating horrid airline food, watching stupid airline movies, and feeling sick about wasting $64 on books I discarded after the first paragraph, all the while worrying worrying every time I hear the engines change, and fearing we are going to die.

Still, apart from all that, I'm very excited about my holiday. If I can just get over the packing and worry and guilt and expense and fights with my husband (who presumably will want to do more than shop, though god knows I can't imagine why), it's going to be great.

Oh, and I'm especially looking forward to attending that Pilates session at Madonna's personal studio.

Except I lied about that. I mean, Pilates with Madonna? Please.

I would never do Pilates.


  1. Have a fabulous time! xxx

  2. How exciting! Would love it except I'm a worry wart flyer too, the longer the harder it is to not worry about whether you'll survive be that far up in the sky! in a chair! with waiters! but I hear medication and/or alcohol helps.  Bon voyage!

  3. I am soooo jealous. In fact I'm not talking to you now. (not that I really was, as I don't really know you, but you get the drift?)

    PS. don't pack anything - just take an empty suitcase and bring it home full!!!

    Okay, not talking as of.....now.

  4. No, not pilates, I had you pitched as more Bikram yoga. All that heat and sweat ... Enjoy your trip and the shopping.

  5. Kerri don't pack too much otherwise you'll be paying excess on the way back! Pack enough clothes for 3 days and 1 pair of shoe and  then hit the ground running....shop till you drop...OMG shop, shop, shop. Wear what you by! Have a fab time and relax! Oh and hope you bump into Simon.

  6. You'll hate it.
    You be SO bored.
    There's really nothing to do in Los Angeles or New York.
    Nothing, that is, unless you take ME.

    You know you can go on the Qantas site and look at the movies they'll be playing when you fly. I always check. I need to be prepared with books or download my own movies if the ones on the flight are shit!

    Have a wonderful time. We'll be looking forward to hearing all about your jaunt.

    N x

  7. I manage my fear of flying by following the Australian cricket team’s ‘one-beer-for-every-hour-in-the-sky’ method...swapping beer for champagne, of course. Works every time...
    Oh - and after the Ga Ga story, I thought every word of that first para was true. Wouldn't put it past you now! xoxo

  8. If you are going to the US, don't pack. Just buy everything. It will be more fun than packing and better. Including the face cream and then you won't have a luggage crisis on the way home.

    Speaking as one who know what I should have done last time. Buy everything. Take what you are wearing and clean knickers. Full stop. Oh and your phone. And your face cream. Oh and ............

  9. Yes, I've heard about that 'alcohol' thing...

  10. Oh yes. Bikram yoga. Then a nice pot of pureed mung beans with a cup of chai tea.

  11. LOL. You never know.. my life is pretty weird at the moment....

  12. I cannot possibly risk going anywhere without my face cream.

  13. Damn you, Kerri.
    (And your funny, but [mostly] true post)
    I'm getting on a plane bound for Ireland with my toddler in three days. Me and him. He and I. (And a bunch of arseholes who won't make eye contact with me for fear of getting involved.)
    For 25 hours.
    And I don't have a fabulous time machine face cream either.
    Damn you.

  14. How dare you lie about Simon Baker!!! lol. I was insanely jealous until I read it wasn't true! I don't travel, so can't share my experiences, but do have a great time!

  15. My husband and I were in L.A. w/o kids about a month ago. I actually got my hubby to take me to Simon's favorite coffee shop, under the pretense of tasting the best espresso in L.A.. I did eventually fess up my true purpose to him, he thought it was hysterical, knowing I would be completely speechless if we did run into Mr. Baker!
    (The coffee was amazing,  and I found out Simon was in Australia at the time....)

  16. Oh I well recall my last trip to the States with a child. Hubby was called back for work early so I was alone for a long haul flight with a ten month old. I had to take him into the toilet with me as the flight attendants refused to help. GOOD LUCK!!!!

  17. I am insanely jealous right now but man, you deserve some time out.  Please pick me up a I heart NY shirt?  K thanks. xx

  18. Having lived in nyc for ten years, I'm very jealous!! I haven't been back without the kids and can't wait for a trip like that. ENJOY! And SHOP! And eat out! And get taxis without taking out a bank loan!

  19. Think of the plane flight this way. You may be bored and frightened and nauseous, but at least you won't have the Elliptical F*cking Trainer staring at you accusingly every time you go into your study.

    FABULOUS blog babe :) xx

  20. My husband recently suggested he and I head to NY on our own. We've NEVER been away together without the kids. Not even to Cowra or Wodgigonagong*. The 9yo balked. *sigh* Looks like I'll have to leave Hubby behind and take my friend, Jen, instead and we can go shopping and eat out for breakfast, lunch and dinner, visit art galleries etc. Tsk. Shame that. 

    Have a FAB time. 

    * I made this place up. But it sounds authentically Australian, don't you think?

  21. So so so so jealous (apart from the bit about putting out). Enjoy, you deserve the break. Kxx

  22. Kerri, please have a nice trip in First Class. You WILL be up front, WON'T you ? I'll put in a word with scheduling, to make sure they have a pilot with the appropriate experience, and just enough grey hair, to look as if he knows what he's doing. That's why they have two pilots.......  

  23. Kerry,
    I did a trip to NY sans kids a few years ago and everything is worth it!!!!!
    Remember you can buy everything there and more
    Whooo Hoooo
    Have fun!

  24. WOW!! I was happy with one night at the Sunshine Coast last weekend...well it was our first overnight alone time since we'd had the kids...almost SEVEN years ago. And we fought about you...as you know! hehehe

    Have a wonderful time!

  25. I envy you! Not that you're getting a holiday & will shop, there is Egypt in September after all but you are going willingly, sans children & with someone you want to spend time with. I get to go with children, without a shopping mecca & with the ex... Oh and anyone who thinks that is a holiday is truly insane... So, want to swap? Please?


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