May 20, 2011

My Morning Of Porn

I have a confession to make. I've been watching porn all morning.

I tried to look away. Truly. But I couldn't. I became positively addicted. I watched vid after vid after vid, so intensely excited that I forgot to eat lunch, and lost hours sitting at the computer.

The players in the porn movies weren't particularly attractive, but that didn't bother me at all. They still knew how to move, they sounded great, and besides, it was the leather and metal hardware that drew me in. I could practically smell it, feel it, taste it (okay, not taste it, I wouldn't really taste leather or metal, but it was a very vivid sensory experience).

Now, normally I'm not into porn. Watching two (or three or seventeen) people have sex in a poorly lit room after a preposterous set-up just doesn't do it for me. But this porn wasn't your standard, male-on-female-on-female-on-cable-guy sex movie. It was one-on-one, and it was incredible. And it left me frenzied with desire and desperate for more.

Specifically, the vids were woman-on-bag, and featured on a fashion website I stumbled upon. Now I've been on many fashion websites, and I've looked at many bags. But I've never before seen movies of women holding the bags, playing with them, opening their flaps and unzipping their pockets. I'm shivering just thinking about it. Click here to see!

I loved the bag porn for the same reason that anyone loves porn. I could see myself in it. When men watch porn they relate to the male star, fantasizing about having sex with the three blonde flight attendants as voraciously as he. When I watched my bag porn, I related to the women. That could be me, I thought. I could be slinging that hobo over my arm. I could be sauntering down the road with the satchel in my hand. I could be caressing that sleek, smooth leather and sliding my cell phone in and out of the handy, fully lined inner pocket ("For organisation!" the girl beamed).

It was an amazingly satisfying morning. And for those of you wondering: yes, there was a climax. I got out my credit card and bought a beautiful Calvin Klein bag, which shall be delivered to me in just a few short days.

And unlike the other type of standard-issue orgasms, my bag will keep me twitching with delight for months.

So tell me: can your porn do that?

19 comments:

  1. i like porn 2 lets get together n watch some 

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Kerri, I'm sooo excited now....

    ReplyDelete
  3. My porn is home decorating magazines. It gets me all hot and bothered and calm and peaceful at the same time but then I look around my bland and boring home disappointed (just like after watching Hugh Jackman strip his shirt off you look over at your husband).  And just like porn, I will NEVER NEVER be able to do any of those daring things (well maybe a quick indoor hedge job).

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, baby. I so hear you. I love a big black sac. I have one at home. 
    http://bit.ly/jGgaI3

    ReplyDelete
  5. My delicate breeding dictates I shall not comment on your salicious post, except to say I prefer MY porn channel. Not that I watch any, you understand......

    ReplyDelete
  6. Your name should be steven melons 

    ReplyDelete
  7. My delicate breeding dictates I shall not call you a BIG FAT LIAR!!! 

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have heard from reputable sources that you love a big black sac.... 

    ReplyDelete
  9.  'Just like after watching Hugh Jackman....'

    YES!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Bag porn is so my fave genre, closely followed by shoe porn.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Lucky I didn't go to the expense of being Rapture ready...

    ReplyDelete
  12. ... being such a good girl I'm sure I would have been sucked up into the vortex, never to experience the guilty pleasure of bag porn again!

    ReplyDelete
  13. We all deserve the guilty pleasure of bag porn!

    ReplyDelete
  14. i wish I had never seen that website... my only saving grace is that it doesnt ship internationally... may I ask how you ordered a bag??

    ReplyDelete
  15. I hate to tell you Deb but if you join a site called MyUS.com, they will ship any items from US websites here to Australia!!!! HOW GREAT IS THAT?????

    ReplyDelete
  16. ohhhhh no.  that is not something i needed to know...

    must. resist. temptation.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I am really curious about bag porn and i love to see porn movies.  Really effective article which makes me horny.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks! Love hearing from you.

Like it? Share it!