March 4, 2011

She's Got The Look

I was feeling a bit low on Wednesday evening. I'd had a rough couple of days and had tried to cheer myself up on Monday with a spot of shopping, but got it horribly wrong with the Lying Smock from the Evil Shop. By the time Gab* arrived on Wednesday I was despairing of ever finding a suitable outfit to wear to my book launch, only eight weeks away (which, in Arranging-Outfit days, is mere nanoseconds).

Gab, in her usual style, walked in and took charge. (Which is perfect, because that's exactly why I hired her. Being fairly incapable of taking charge of my own life, I need as much assistance as possible.)

"Let's have a look here," she said, browsing through my wardrobe. "We're after something very Fashion Forward. You need a Look."

"What about these?" I asked her. I took out my purple-and-green-striped armwarmers, bought two years ago and never worn, mainly because they are hideous. They were, however, very Fashion Forward. (At least they were two years ago.)

Gab looked at them and frowned. "No," she said. "They're not right." Then she brightened. "Perhaps try wearing them on your legs."

I slid them over my ankles. They worked.

"Yep, loving the colour," said Gab. "Very Fashion Forward. But can we brighten it up a bit more?"

I thought for a minute and grabbed some purple platform heels. "These?" I asked.

"Excellent," she said. "But do you have anything in a contrasting colour?"

I grabbed my orange hoodie. "Divine," said Gab. "But it's still missing a little something...."

I pulled an ornate scarf out of my drawer (not knowing exactly how it got there) and tied it around my head. And then another in leapord print, which Gab tied around my neck.

"Perfection," Gab told me. "Now all you need is a bag."

I searched my wardrobe and came up with something spangly. And I looked in the mirror. Sensational.

Still, there was more experimenting to do. I changed my shoes, and tried a more Parisian look, with a man-style cordoroy jacket (manstyle because it was actually a man's), a flower pinned to my tank top, and a pink-and-white beret** worn at a rakish angle:

But my personal favourite was....well... see for yourself.

So not only do I have The Look for my launch, I now have a new fall-back career. Because if my literary career fails, the world of modelling and fashion design clearly await.

With my babysitter by my side, I'm going to take on the world.

*My long-haired, tattooed, foul-mouthed babysitter (also Private Investigator, Makeup Artist and Barista) who comes to my house two afternoons a week and is the best thing ever to happen to my family, though so far we have only used her in three of her four capacities
**Okay, it was a shower cap. Who the fuck has a beret these days?


  1. Oh ringadingding.
    Loving that Jethro Tull moment.

  2. I have to keep my cackles at low volume. I am reading this in public. Jesus! You are so very now...
    Plus, I'd like to steal your babysitter. Could use her for all 4 functionalities.

  3. Number 3. Not even kidding. Oh, and could you be any more gorgeous?

  4. Love it. Love it. Love it.
    You crack me up. Love the foul-mouthed babysitter. Every home should have one.

  5. I nearly mistook you for Sarah Jessica Parker in that second shot! And she plays a fashionista, so that's a GOOD thing, right?? Right?

    Am very happy to see you have a plethora of wardrobe choices and the same build as me. Am no longer stressed about what to wear to your launch- I'll just put on whatever you decide against (though PLEASE save me the shower cap). Or we could go back to the original dress code: naked. Go on. You know you want to.

  6. Images of Edina Monsoon floating through my head..... hot

  7. OMG, you have fantastic legs! SOOO JEALOUS!

  8. How very now. Are you sure there wasn't anything more at the back of the wardrobe that you missed?

  9. Personally I like the last look - it's really "a forward fashion look". And you know what - despite the hilarity of those outfits, you still look damn good in them. You obviously can rock any look going.

    Oh and I was wondering if I could borrow the purple Melissa wedges, because I lust after those!

  10. Absolutely hilarious! Your hat in the last photo is Melbourne Cup worthy. Thank you for sharing your fashion savviness.

  11. Damn. You are SoHotRightNow I can't cope.

  12. Actually who in the hell (I can't say the F word, I live in NZ now and they don't swear as much) has a shower cap?

    Nice get-up. Your babysitter/ stylist is the goods.

  13. LOL. Actually, I have quite the collection of stylish shower caps in a variety of Fashion Forward colours and patterns....

  14. Kerri you sure you aren't long lost member of Pussycat Dolls? I can *nearly* hear you singing "Dontchya wish your girlfriend was hawt like me??....."

  15. Ermmmmm Kerri, I don't know what to say that won't get me into trouble, so how are you then?..... :-D PS please tell me you were having a cleanout........

  16. Oh please...oh please take up Alexis's suggestion...I would give my collection of animal shower caps* for a video of you doing Pussycat Dolls.

    *I may not actually have any animal showercaps

  17. It's like a tramp tried to do flashdance. Amazing. Nice pins tho!

  18. p.s. your babysitter is a private investigator? gold

  19. Oh, Kerri, I'm in hysterics. You know there is a probably a blog out there with someone dressed in very similar get-ups. You totally rock those looks!!

  20. You are "worried" about what to wear to the Book Launch?

    So "worried about how you'll look" that you posted pics..

    Ummm .. I have nothing further to add..."to your fashion festival" ...... No. Nothing

    PS. Have had scary thought about your Book Launch.....
    Is there a 'dress code' ....and has your paid stylist any input

  21. If I had legs like that they would be on my avatar, the header of my blog page, the front cover of my book and I may just hand out photos each morning on the school run.

    Huh, what's that? Oh, the outfits? Sorry, didn't notice I was too busy thinking look at those legs!!


  22. Where does one get a long haired, tattooed foul mouth babysitter? I must have one! Now!

  23. Sue (JustLeithal)March 4, 2011 at 9:18 PM

    Well, that's all well and good but what the fuck am I supposed to wear? I don't have a fucking longhaired, foulmouthed babysitter for fashion advice... so looks like you are the one who's going to shine, at your book's all about you, AGAIN!

    ....I do have a fetching blue dolphin emblazoned shower cap..perhaps I can make something work....

  24. Gawd, no wonder your husband wants to have sex with you. SO DO I!! You look great. PS Are you sure you've had three babies???

  25. Kerri, this is the third time I've been back to check out your legs in that last photo. I'm not joking.


  26. Kerri you sure you aren't long lost member of Pussycat Dolls? I can *nearly* hear you singing "Dontchya wish your girlfriend was hawt like me??....."

  27. p.s. your babysitter is a private investigator? gold


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