I spend half my life playacting. I pretend to be a Real Writer. I go on TV and pretend to be a Real Commentator. I discipline my kids and pretend to be a Real Parent. And I go on dates and pretend to be a Real Woman.
But inside I feel..... Can't they see I don't really know what I'm doing? Can't they see that I am an imposter???
It's not all the time. I have moments when I feel like I've got it all together. Small snatches of time - perhaps I've just published an article I'm really happy with, or I have successfully helped one of the kids with a problem - where my brain catches up with public perceptions of me.
But they are moments. Most of the time I feel like I'm fooling everyone, and that soon I am going to be recognised for the fraud that I am.
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this is SO TRUE |
I think Imposter Syndrome is very common amongst women; less so amongst men who seem to second guess themselves less. Even since filming this segment with Lana, I have learned that many women I admire and respect feel exactly the same way.
It is remarkable to me that such high achieving women can have any doubt about their abilities. But then, it's possible that other people think the same about me. And that notion really blows my mind.
Watch our discussion here, and let me know if you feel the same:
I think it is more common among women. We need to keep supporting each other so we don't feel it. I can't believe you have imposter syndrome because I aspire to be like you...so tell yourself every day that you are doing a bloody good job! 😜
ReplyDeleteIt's funny but I don't remember feeling like an imposter when I was teaching and working as a Deputy Head, but as a writer, I frequently feel like one. Although I had 11 books published before I decided to leave my full time job in education, it wasn't until after that (until I could put 'Writer' in the Occupation box on the Immigration card) that I actually began to think that I could call myself that. I get hugely excited about meeting people I look up to (ofetn other authors) and find it strange that people say that they are excited to meet me. Because I write for children, sometimes they are completely overwhelmed, which is adorable and humbling (and a big responsibility). I can see the value of feeling like a fraud too though, as each time I write something, I want it to be better than what has come before (and if I was super confident about my work perhaps I would become lazy about it). I don't know - just thinking out loud.
ReplyDeleteI am pretending to hold my head to the right in the clip.
ReplyDeleteYou are the least "impostery" person I know.
Have I mentioned lately that I loved your manuscript?
Oh it sucks so much that we've been socially conditioned to apologise for ourselves. What the eff is up with that?!
ReplyDeleteI used to feel like the biggest imposter throughout school, funnily enough. I would find myself falling into fairly 'popular' groups of friends and all that time, I thought it was just because it was all just a weird coincidence. Like how did an ugly looking dork like me end up with pretty, cool, popular (not in a Mean Girls way but they were genuinely well liked) friends? It was only later on that people thought my selective shyness (on account of me having sudden episodes of feeling unworthy) was snobbery sometimes. Or thought I wouldn't possibly talk to them because I was 'cool' so they didn't try to approach me. I was horrified!!
I learnt that a) I wasted so much time not being confident in myself and feeling worthy (i.e. who knows how many of the boys might have fancied me if I'd been more sure of myself and less aloof or defensively friend-zoning haha), and b) to give myself more credit in general.
I don't feel like an imposter anymore (I learnt that lesson weirdly young). But I do feel grateful for those who notice good things about myself that I hadn't noticed. I do try to show others how I feel about who they are and what they do.
I can be my own worst critic but I don't feel like I'm faking it anymore. I just own my bumbling, ridiculous behaviour. Keeping it real over here, homies. Haha. Kidding. I don't say homies. I'm not a homie. Oops. WHAT IF I'M AN IMPOSTER HOMIE? x
Thanks love. I try but you know how hard it is to believe!!! x
ReplyDeleteHilarious. You are one of the ones I think of as a 'proper' author. I am in awe of you!!!! But you know that, don't you?? xxx
ReplyDeleteYes darling xxxxx
ReplyDeleteLOL! I absolutely love your comment. LOVE IT! And you did say homie. WHICH I LOVED xxx
ReplyDeleteAnd clearly my proofreading skills sucked this afternoon when I wrote that post! You're so sweet Kerri and at the risk of sounding like a love in - I feel the same way about you. Must do coffee one of these days! xx
ReplyDeleteI definitely have imposter syndrome. I always worry that any day everyone will figure it out, and they'll oust me.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm pretending to have my shit together in the hope that my shit will actually get together. I have to speak at a women's wellbeing and health expo as the 'amateur comedian' which is so freaking silly as I'm about as funny as a fart in an elevator right now but I'll just fake it until I make it!
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Absolutely ladies! As a news reader on Sky News, I totally felt like I was going to be found out - literally during EVERY bulletin! What was I thinking sitting up there telling people about the day's news!! Who was I to be in that position of authority! No one!!! Totally petrified! LOL! And now as a blogger/writer...same thing. Keep saying to myself, maybe if I write a book, I'll feel more like a 'proper' writer...then it will be, maybe another book, and another! Love your work! xx
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