Bye Bye

So let me tell you about my ideal holiday.

I am picked up by a chauffeured limousine and driven to the airport in air-conditioned comfort. I board my flight and am shown to my first class seat where I enjoy a gourmet cheeseburger and chips whilst watching brand new episodes of The Big Bang Theory and some new movie starring absolutely everyone.

And then I land in a stunning resort, where I sit by the pool reading magazines improving books whilst sipping strawberry daiquiris and having my feet massaged.

Well, tomorrow I am setting off on holidays, and whilst it's not quite the ideal, it will come pretty damn close. There will be no chauffeur driven limousine, but hopefully a taxi driver will arrive on time and get us to the airport before the gates close. There will be no first class tickets, but rather a very, very basic Jetstar flight, which means no food at all, and possibly no TV screen either.

But there will be a resort. A Thai resort. With a kids' club, and a pool, and an endless buffet, and a big bed in an air conditioned room. And I shall sit by the pool reading my magazines improving books, and I shall graze at the buffet, and sleep till noon in the bed, and offer my children a dollar an hour to massage my feet.

It will be heaven.

So for now, this blog is going on holidays. I full expect to be back on board in a couple of weeks, but if I'm not, rest assured that I am safe and happy, having moved permanently to Thailand, where I shall earn my keep by writing blog posts for the locals, entertaining tourists with my famous interpretive dances, and hiring out my children for a dollar per hour to massage people's feet.

Or, of course, I could have expired from hunger, boredom and fear on the very, very basic Jetstar flight. In which case I bequeath this blog to Lana Hirschowitz and I bid you all farewell.