And I have experienced pretty much every emotion a human being is capable of. Grief, joy, excitement, loneliness, anxiety, hope, fear, pride... they've all washed through me at different periods and left me stronger for being there.
But now it's the end of the year and, quite frankly, I'm exhausted. And I've noticed something interesting. I don't seem to be capable of intense emotions right now. I feel quite disconcertingly calm, a sensation I am not really used to. (It's nice, by the way. I recommend it.)
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Artist's Impression Of My Brain This Year |
This is what I've learned. I think we all have an emotion quotient, an intensity and range of feelings that can be experienced in any given period. And once we use them up, we just naturally shut down a little - go into emotional hibernation, as it were - until we recharge.
And no doubt our emotion quotient runs in cycles. It is probably normal to wind down around Christmas time, when the pressures of the year have ended, and we can focus on our own wellbeing.
Of course, for many people Christmas is extremely emotionally loaded. For those people, the emotion quotient might not be drained until the new year. But for people like me, for whom Christmas is just another day, it has well and truly started.
So here's to recharging my emotional batteries, and you recharging yours. And getting ready for another exciting and challenging year ahead.
But perhaps not quite as exciting and challenging as this one has been. I may need another decade or two for that.
I feel the same! This year has had fabulous bits, downright shit parts and everything in between. Pretty sure I used up my emotion quota about 5 weeks ago now! Too exhausted and drained to do anything except emotional hibernation.
ReplyDeleteHere's to preparing for whatever 2014 has in store for us!
That's exactly what happens. Enjoy your recharge. You survived a really tough year ... in fact you did more than survive ... you made it out the other end a stronger person. Love xx
ReplyDeleteI kind of feel the same too Kerri, but for me the experience kind of feels like a new normal for me — the kind of normal I've always wanted to feel like...
ReplyDeleteI have a history of extreme emotional experiences — manic highs and deep depressions — but in the past few months I've felt like my emotional pendulum has evened out into a much more normal range of emotions — a much more manageable range of emotions.
This is how I've always WANTED to feel! I'm actually really glad that my emotions feel diminished. I feel like they're much more manageable and authentic and real.
Anyway, enough about me (like I need to talk about myself more than I already do...)
I really hope you have a wonderful 2014 Kerri... I love visiting your world through your blog and social media posts, and I'm looking forward to reading more about your world next year. xx
Profoundly observed and expressed Kerri. You're an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteGeoff
Yep. I get it. I will get to recharge by the end of this coming weekend with any luck. Unfortunately we did have one of those Christmases where the lead up was too emotionally loaded. Luckily a wonderful day, but we could have done without the stress beforehand! I think I'll not give a single f*ck by Sunday :)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. Except my quotient usually runs out on a daily basis. I blame the introvert in me.
ReplyDeleteThere are many days when I'm like that too x
ReplyDeleteExcellent. Let me know how you go x
ReplyDeleteYou're SO kind, Geoff x
ReplyDeleteYes, I can TOTALLY relate to that. And I love your blog too. Here's to a great 2014 for BOTH of us x
ReplyDeleteAnd a certain (auto-correcting) friend helped me to get there. Love you x
ReplyDeleteABSOLUTELY!
ReplyDeleteHere's to recharging your batteries. All of them ;-)
ReplyDeleteThis year has been a hard one for you and you have done an amazing job. You would be so proud of yourself if you had the emotion left to feel it
After your hectic emoticon-infused year, I hope 2014 is full of happy emoticons for you Kerri ! :D :D :D
ReplyDeleteWishing you a wonderfully bright and shiny 2014, Kerri. I have a feeling it's gonna be one kick arse year, as it happens.
ReplyDelete2013 really was a major emotion sucker. So I figure that in the words of Yazz circa 1988, "The Only Way is Up, Baby!"
Go get 'em tiger ;) xx
I think I've reached my quota as well. Which is just as well. There will be a lull for the next week, a sudden WAAHH! at NYE, another lull as I recover from the hangover, a surge of happy for the holidays, then blaah let down for the return home, then a huge nervous butterfly moment starting a new job. Phew, I feel worn out just thinking about it! Hope you have just enough lulls and highs to make you feel alive again in 2014.
ReplyDeleteI am still reaching mine I think. I have my little man starting daycare and little miss starting school in January so I am going through all the emotion cycles. Can't wait to be chilled.
ReplyDelete