"You drove on that when it was flat, didn't you?"
Yes, I did, it's true, but in my defence I didn't realise it was flat. I just heard a funny grinding sound, and felt my car pull to the left. And a grinding sound and a pulling sensation could have been anything at all (which is what I kept telling myself as I drove home on a flat tyre).
So the man told me off, and I felt like I was about eight years old. And it made me think of all the other times I feel about eight years old (as distinct from the times I feel about 88, which is a different list altogether).
Top Eight Times I Feel Eight Years Old
- When buying a car, getting my car serviced, dealing with the NRMA, getting car insurance, or indeed having any discussion that involves the words 'car', 'tyre', 'engine', 'brake pads' or 'alignment'. Hell, even the word 'petrol' makes me anxious.
- Being at the hairdressers. Something about the absolute powerlessness of sitting in a chair whilst someone wields a pair of scissors reduces me to virtually a fetal state. Particularly after they take the first snip.
- Being at the dentist. Except substitute 'whirring machinery pointed at your mouth' for 'scissors', and multiply the fetal state by about a thousand.
- Going to the doctor and presenting with symptoms and being told there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. There is nothing quite so infantalising as discovering you are a hypochondriac. Except for...
- Going to the doctor and presenting with symptoms and being told there is something wrong with you. And then it doesn't matter how old you are; you become eight years old again and want your Mummy!
- Being pulled over by the police for any kind of traffic violation. (I say this purely hypothetically, of course.)
- Anytime anyone talks to me about the sharemarket, particularly futures trading. It is stupid and doesn't make sense and I will stick my fingers in my ears if you bring it up again.
- When my parents are cross at me. That is the WORST.
When do you feel eight years old?