June 12, 2013

This Cat, She Be WISE


I've had Princess Penelope Fancypants for about three weeks now and let me tell you, that kitty is smart. And she has some wisdom to impart to you.

I Am Going To Sleep On Your Face

  1. No-one will criticise you for wearing a fur coat if it is your own fur.
  2. Hairbands are vicious. They may look innocuous, but don't be fooled. Kill the fuckers before they get to you first.
  3. 'Tuna' is an insult to one's tastebuds. Don't even think about eating it. If it's not 'Tuna Feast', 'Tuna Platter', or 'Tuna In A Delicate Sauce', you turn your back and walk away. Did you hear me? TURN YOUR BACK AND WALK AWAY.
  4. If you miss the table whilst leaping off the couch, just do a little somersault and act like it was perfectly deliberate and no-one will notice. Promise.
  5. The most exciting time of night to scuttle from one end of the floorboards to the other is around 11pm when everyone is asleep. You can really hear the noise. It's epic.
  6. If someone really loves you, they will let you sleep on their head. Trust me. And if they don't, it's best to find out early and get out quickly before anyone gets too attached.
  7. Computer keyboards are all warm and buzzy. Sit on them after they've been running for a while and they will give your bottom a special tingly feeling. I'm shivering just thinking about it.
  8. Never scratch a scratching post. Seriously. That shit is just demeaning. Use the furniture, for Christsake.
  9. Boxes are AWESOME. Drawers, too, are super fun. The smaller the better.
  10. Sleep is for pussies. Geddit? PUSSIES! Bwahahahahaha!

26 comments:

  1. LMAO, Kerri ! Welcome to the dubious pleasures of cat ownership. Them, not you. and you thought you were busy, before ?......Bwahahahaha.....

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  2. I have had various cats over the years so I should be able to add to this list but I'm too busy laughing and reminiscing!

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  3. This is so cute and funny it's hurting my stomach. x

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  4. I wish I could take credit for it but Penny wrote it. x

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  5. My kitty is keeping me young.
    Also, suffocating me in my sleep....

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  6. Ah the arrogance, um I mean, wisdom of cats.

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  7. I think you'll like this too Kerrie.......

    http://humour.200ok.com.au/cat_resolutions.html

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  8. She will give you many years of enjoyment, and it is someone else you can tease mercilessly.

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  9. Dear Princess Penelope Fancypants.
    You are a very clever kitty.

    Aunty Val x

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  10. Chelsea SutherlandJune 12, 2013 at 11:25 PM

    Haha I think you have adopted my cat. Only he has expanded on Point 4 to include a "this is all your fault" death stare if he's not convinced we didn't notice. And he is no longer welcome to sleep with us after deciding that head butting us at 3am was an acceptable way to ask to leave the room.

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  11. PPF likes to head butt me JUST FOR FUN! x

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  12. Dear Aunty Val
    When can I meet my cousins?
    PPF

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  13. ...that might not go that well... established cats don't mix well with other cats they don't know :(

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  14. Wow! I can't believe she turns her nose up at tuna? Princess or what?

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  15. As the mother of an eat-anything-grovelling-kelpie-cross-labrador, I am impressed...Princess Penelope Fancypants has entered the Kingdom of Kitty Heaven and I'm glad her loyal subjects realise this!

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  16. Oh I forgot to add, go and watch Simon's Cat - if you've ever owned a kitty you'll love it!! And look up Maru on Youtube for a cat OBSESSED with boxes!!

    http://www.simonscat.com/Films/Screen-Grab/

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  17. I will not do anything to upset PPF. EVER.

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  18. Sleeping on face/neck good. Sleeping on tummy, go out and buy a pregnancy test. PFF older twin Tiramisu still does all of the above at four. Plus predicted two pregnancy and one miscarriage. Oh and she prefers to drink water from our glass instead of her bowl and will come into the shower with me most night. Wet cat rubbing against legs.... gross

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  19. Haha, so goddamn true. I love PPF, she's gorgeous & she knows it. A tiara maybe :D

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