April 16, 2013

Wet and Exciting

Today I became demented with excitement. Over something rather mundane.

For very sad reasons, I have had to part ways with my cleaner. And because I have had to part ways with my cleaner, I have had to reacquaint myself with that task known as 'cleaning one's own floor'. Now, I do lots of menial-type chores. I wipe and I wash and I scrub and I iron and I shove frankfurts in boiling water and call it 'dinner'. But I have not cleaned my own floor in a very long time. This is partly because I have been lucky enough to have a cleaner, and partly because I wouldn't know what to do with a mop if it jumped into my hands, turned on some music, and began to waltz. (Then again, most people wouldn't know what to do with a waltzing mop - I imagine they would scream and run and seek psychiatric assistance - so I don't feel too bad about that.)

But three days ago, I realised that the floor was not going to clean itself, nor was I going to clean it by power of the mind alone. Nor would my children agree to float a foot above the ground as they moved from room to room, although the youngest in particular did say that she would very much like to be able to fly.

Artist's Impression of Me Mopping

And so it was time to face my demons. I went to the store and I bought a mop.

I bought a mop. Oh, how simple I make it sound. But it wasn't simple. It wasn't simple at all. Because, I discovered, there are many types of mops, and I didn't at all know which one was right for me. Did I get the mop that looked like an octopus with 37 ropes for legs? Or the one with the big yellow sponge attached to the end? Or the blue and white one that looked like a hundred chux superwipes had been shredded and attached to the end of a stick?

Well, let's just say I got the wrong one. Because when I came home and mopped my floors (which was not like waltzing with a mop at all) they ended up all streaky and horrible and I ended up rocking in a corner on my knees. 

I confessed my tragedy to a girlfriend of mine, who taught me the error of my ways. She told me the correct mop to get for my floors, which I ran out and bought within the hour. And the mop worked like a charm, which made me crazed with glee, which made me horrified that I just got excited over a mop.

And so this is what my life has come to, my friends. I get excited about mops, and try to drown out my own shame by sharing my pathetic secret with the world.

Don't judge me. Okay, judge me. Just don't pity me. Or pity me! But if you really want to help me, please find me a good laundry detergent. The one I use isn't quite brightening my whites, and if I don't get some fulfillment from my laundry, I'm going to end up waltzing with that stupid mop all bloody day.

21 comments:

  1. Sadly since starting maternity leave I also had to ditch my cleaner - I was devastated!
    Now Hubby has a mop he likes and I have one that I like! Seriously!
    As for laundry detergent - you are on your own. I don't buy white clothes!

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  2. You bought a jeep?
    oh wait...you bought a MOP.
    huh.

    So what was the best type of mop? Do you have vinyl flooring? What type of cleaner did you use with this mop?
    I use Duo front loader laundry detergent, it suits me fine. I don't have many white things, so if I'm doing a white load I'll toss in the white towel, the white bathmat and the white shower curtain, so there's enough for a load and I'll do them in HOT water. It makes a heck of a difference. Also add a scoop of that Vanish OxiAction in wash stain remover if you think you need to. It may take two or three HOT washes to restore whites, after that DON'T put whites back in with colours, no matter how colourfast they may be.

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  3. Give it a day or so. Then you'll hate your mop as much as I do!

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  4. So what did you get? The suspense is killing me.

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  5. Biozet, with Napisan liquid in every white wash. My whites are whiter than white. Well if that was possible they would be.

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  6. I know just exactly how you feel; I just got my own Medicare card this week after being on my families for years, I actually went into a centre link office for the first time. Strangely it wasn't filled with as many pregnant teenagers as I'd expected- and those that were there were mostly on retainer with a current affair. Everyone was very trendy and sexy with cool tatoos - But I suppose it was bondi. When I got my card I felt a strange sense of achievement. I'm slowly working myself up to actually claiming. I'm not rushing though, I'm nowhere near ready for hooking up wireless Internet.

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  7. I have one word Enjo, love my mop, - my cleaner had the cheek to leave home and keep a house of her own, feeling your pain. xxx

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  8. Well you certainly brightened up my morning Kerri ... I actually laughed out loud and as I am at work got a few weird stares from other members of the staff. I am with you on the mop thing, whilst I have never had a cleaner I recently had to replace my old mop and was astounded at the choice. I tried the cheap, the sponge fell off. Ok, I decided my fault for being a tight arse so I went with the Vileda, top of the range apparently. The sponge became unglued on one side ... aha, I said and super glued it!!! Of course this did not work as soon as it hit water. Dash out and buy a new sponge to attached. Aaaargh .... the soaps suds kept staying on the sponge no matter how hard I squeezed to get them off. Streaky floors .... Ultimately, I went back to the Chux strips one, with the gadget that attaches to the bucket. Perfect floors, there is comfort in what you have used before. In respect to laundry detergent, I use Hurricane and for those stubborn stains that just refuse to take their leave I add a cap of Napisan. Sunglasses are required when it is time to hang the washing up. LOL Thanks for the entertainment.

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  9. Haha...you do have such a knack of turning the mundane into entertainment, Kerri. (but not laughing at you, with you). Can't offer any mop suggestions as am no expert but love that artist's impression of you mopping - something quaintly 1950's about the fetching headscarf and eager smile whilst cleaning - surreal!

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  10. Fi @ My Mummy DazeApril 17, 2013 at 8:09 PM

    It's OK, I got crazily excited about buying a new mop too. The first time I used it it was wonderful. The second and third and fourth times were very mundane and uneventful. If you're serious about laundry detergent recommendations I've been using Method - you can only buy them online but they're awesome. Seriously smells amaze-balls and comes in a handy squirt bottle. Love it!

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  11. Agreed... I totally want to have the same mop now!!

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  12. Got there before me! Enjo mops/brooms are the biz - when I actually clean the floors. And for the times I don't, my i-robot vac is also the biz!

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  13. Method. Got it. Thank you. Oh my god what has happened to my life.

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  14. Oh yes, that's me. Fetching headscarf and eager smile!!!

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  15. Sunglasses!!! Now you've made me laugh! Thank YOU!

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  16. If anyone's whites could be whiter than white, they are YOUR whites.

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  17. You are a fountain of wisdom!!! THANK YOU!

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  18. You are a smart, smart woman. I bow before you.

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Thanks! Love hearing from you.

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