January 13, 2013

The Accidental Drunk

So last night I accidentally got drunk. And when I say that, I don't mean that I accidentally drank too much and ended up inebriated (though of course that's exactly what happened, because there's really no other way one can get drunk, but it was far more complicated than that, and it really wasn't my fault, and... and...  perhaps I should just stop the preamble and get into the story).

As many of you will know, I do tend to have a little drinkie most nights on occasion. Come 5pm 7pm, I am tired from my long, hard day as a Busy Working Mum, and am ready to unwind with a glass of something mood altering. A gin and tonic, a vodka and tonic or a glass of cab sav is enough just to take the edge off my brittle corners and relax me for the evening. I don't get drunk. I don't lose control. I just feel..... ahhhhhhhh.

Of course, there are occasions when I decide to drink a little bit more, but these are few and far between*, and never, never in front of my kids. Trust me - I am unstable enough without alcohol; I don't like to impose my intoxicated self on my offspring.
Sangria. Who knew?
But last night was an accident. You see, last night as usual The Architect and I had no plans, so we decided to take the kids to dinner at a local restaurant. The kids ordered burgers, The Architect ordered something soupy with seafood, and I ordered a healthy chicken salad and a half litre of sangria.

Now, normally I can drink sangria till it's coming out of my ears. A half a litre will barely give me a buzz; it's like pink lemonade, only vaguely ethnic. So I poured myself a huge glass and drank it down on an empty stomach, pronounced it delicious, and then poured another.

And then suddenly the room started to spin. Oh god, I thought. Salt. I needed salt.

"CHIPPIES!" I cried, and fell on my daughter's plate, cramming them into my mouth handfuls at a time.

"Oh dear," said The Architect wearily. He could see the signs.

I leaned in to him earnestly and took his face in my hands. "I don't think I can drive," I told him conspiratorially. "THEY'VE. SPIKED. MY. DRINK."

"It's called 'alcohol'," he said. "Come on kids. Finish your dinner. Mummy's drunk."

"What's the matter?" I asked him, poking him repeatedly in the ribs. "Don't you love me anymore? That makes me so sad. You have to love me! TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!"

"Yes, yes," said the poor man. "Try to calm down."

"I AM CALM!" I cried. "I'M JUST A BIT DRUNK!"

"What's wrong?" asked my son.

"DRUNKETYY DRUNKETYY DRUNK!" I told him, and giggled. My son shrugged.

"Can I have a milkshake Mum?" asked my daughter.

"After a burger and chips?" I exclaimed. "SURE!!!"

The kids beamed. It made me happy. And when I'm happy I want ice cream.

"I WANT ICE CREAM!" I cried. "WHO WANTS ICE CREAM?"

"We want ice cream!" yelled the kids.

"HOORAY!" I cheered.

We finished our meal and The Architect bundled us out of the restaurant. I left my bag inside but quickly remembered when the waitress reminded me. And then The Architect drove us home and I giggled again as I walked inside.

"That was FUN!" I declared. "Now I just need a QUICK LIE DOWN and then I'll PUT THE KIDS TO BED!"

I collapsed on our bed and fell immediately asleep. It was 8.15pm. I woke up this morning at 8.30am, feeling  vibrantly refreshed and craving Vegemite toast.

The Architect, however, looked exhausted. Funny. I thought it was a really relaxing night.

*truly, Al and Val - I hadn't had to ask anyone to take my pants off for me in years

13 comments:

  1. Twelve whole hours you luck girl!

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  2. apart from your stories I LOVE your 'deletions'!!! glad you didn't need a BEX too!xx

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  3. Haha. I also got accidentally got drunk a few weeks ago. I 'forgot' I was taking antibiotics and had a 'few' glasses of vino at the local restaurants, then a 'few' at the local pub. When I got the call to come home because our dinner guests had arrived, the damn fresh air hit me and, well, I was accidentally drunk. One step forward, two steps back, one step sideways 'accidentally' drunk. Got in the front door, turned right to our bedroom and flopped on the bed and promptly fell asleep. Didn't make it for dinner, or even say hello to our guests, and couldn't even ask someone to take my pants off. Woke up at 9:00 next morning fully clothed, but fresh as a daisy! Kindred spirits :)

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  4. Kerri! Hilarious. If it makes you feel any better, I got accidentally drunk on purpose on Margaritas in Bali a week ago. I blame the blazing sun, humidity, my frizzy hair, and the pool boys who kept asking if I'd like another. 'Yes, please. More of everything.' I'm switching to Apple martinis. Much love, xx

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  5. This has happened to me on three glasses of savigion blanc.

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  6. Ah yes, the YELLING. One of the classic signs of being overly-refreshed. OF COURSE I'M WHISPERING, WHY ARE YOU LOOKING LIKE THAT?

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  7. * I'm not saying anything. What goes on tour stays on tour.

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  8. Oh, just wait till the kids are teens and this accidentally happens again... The initial hilarity to see their mum like this soon wears off and the eye rolling and tsk-ing takes over. Soon enough they don't want any cuddles or ice-cream and they bundle you into the car and as far away from their teenage friends as possible. Then, whenever a glass of any sort of alcohol makes it's way anywhere near you, they question whether that's your first, second, or whatever and ask about the contents, like you're going to embarrass them if you consume it... I know this sounds like I speak from experience, but it, umm, happened to a close 'friend' of mine. Sounded like you really needed the sleep :)

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  9. That damn Sangria all awash on an empty stomach! It should be banned! It causes so many accidents! Perhaps its license to be drinkable should be reviewed every year like "they" are trying to have us Oldies do for our driving licenses. Life just is so unfair. Sangria should be banished to the Gulf of Carpentaria; or even as far as Calabria; or better still, Andalucia! At least you had a restful sleep...that has to be a plus one would think! ;)

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  10. Lisa @ Blithe MomentsJanuary 14, 2013 at 1:05 PM

    It was white wine on an empty stomach for me on Friday. I was tricked when the host said that there would be heaps of food - 6 platters between 40 people is not heaps of food, so 4 glasses of white wine did their worst to me. My poor other half tried to dance with me at some point, it was not successful.

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