September 12, 2012

LOVE AND HATE

I LOVE writing. I can work from home, which means I don't have to get dressed in a suit (I am in a T-shirt and velour trackie pants right now - YES, velour!). I don't have colleagues so I don't have to make polite conversation with anyone (I hate small talk, it's boring) and I can get up and wander into the kitchen whenever I want to have a snack or a cup of coffee or lie down on the floor and go to sleep (though I do try to do that on the couch).

Whenever something interesting or funny or bizarre happens to me (which is a lot, because I just have one of those lives) I make a mental note of it and then promptly forget all about it. But if I actually write it down, then I can turn it into a blog post or column as soon as I get home, and BAM, there's my work done for the day! You can't do that if you're a doctor or lawyer or one of those people who makes batteries for cars.

I HATE writing. I sit here alone in my office, with no-one to talk to, which is why I spend half my bloody life on Twitter. I hang around in trackie pants all day, which is utterly tragic, and sometimes I even forget to have a shower. And with no set lunch break, I eat on and off for most of the day, so that by the time it comes to dinner with the family I can do no more than pick on a lettuce leaf and regret the fifteen different meals I ate earlier on.

I have prostituted my life for my work. I have taken every experience I have ever had, every thought that has ever crossed my mind, and every opinion I have ever made, and turned them into a piece of writing to earn a bit of money. I have scraped the bottom of the barrel of my consciousness, searching desperately for scraps that I can turn into a story, constantly worried that I have exhausted the supply and that there are no ideas left. There are days I wake up and I have nothing. NOTHING. No experiences, no thoughts, no opinions at all. And I am desperate, utterly desperate. Bet that never happens to those people who make batteries for cars.

I fucking hate writing.

But I bloody love it too.

20 comments:

  1. I love writing for the highs...but I also hate it for the self-doubt triggered lows. You must never stop Kerri. Your writing puts oxygen into mine. x

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  2. Kerri - loved this one. Having worked from home I can sooo identify with the sentiments and the writing bit (not the paid bit unfortunately, although I used to be a journalist). I'm now exploring the yin/yang of life, blogging at www.yinyangmother.com. Of course we have to embrace the whole yinyang - to hate some things in order to love other things - while mostly trying for the love - I really hate that word hate. So here's to lots of people loving your writing and you too!

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  3. I struggle with it all the time, John. I have days when I love it, and days when I just don't know why I'm bothering. I've learned that it's okay to step away from the computer at times like that, and just return when I actually have something to say. Because, inevitably, when you think you've really said it all, something arises that needs to be written down.
    xxxxxx

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  4. Sackville, don't you dare stop writing. I'll lose my will to live, otherwise..... :-D

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  5. A love/hate relationship with writing beats a bland indifference to a dull office job. Love Mumabulous

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  6. You are a fantastic writer!! You make us laugh and you give people who suffer anxiety, inspiration and hope. You have helped change my life and I am very grateful.

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  7. That comma after anxiety is not suppose to be there! I think you know what i meant though!


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  8. I was only just talking to my husband about my love/hate relationship with writing too! Its like my oxygen and my poison all in one - love it, loathe it, its intricately interwoven within my life so I need to find a way to deal with it all a bit better!

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  9. Deb_BrightandPreciousJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:14 AM

    Yes, I relate to the prostitution of life for my work. And the waking up to NOTHING. But the highs are too good to give it up. It's a drug.

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  10. I'm about to take a bit of a break from work and looking forward to doing more writing. I'm loving the idea of no commute time and no boss / annoying colleagues; but nervous about the too-much-time-to-eat concept and worried I'll spend my days watching tragic infomercials and Ellen. (Oh, plus I don't know how I'll earn a living... minor matter!) Deb

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  11. Money? There's HEAPS of money to be made in writing!!! *coughs wildly*

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  12. I gotta admit, I'm struggling with the feeling that I've "
    prostituted my life for my work" at the moment. I'm in the middle of reassessing my commitment to this whole "Blogging" thing...I'm not really sure what I get from it to be honest. :(


    I still enjoy writing, but I'm not sure about my motivation for blogging...sometimes it feels like one big ego trip, and I don't think that's a good thing (at least for me...)

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  13. May your love for writing always far outweigh your hate of it because it brings such joy to so many.
    The laughter you give spreads far and wide.
    You dont just write,you do something special
    ....you change lives. xx

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  14. What a beautiful comment, thank you xxx

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  15. I am sitting at my computer wearing leggings and a t-shirt, eating milo straight from the can, with son nursing, thinking I love that you get to write, I hate you get paid for it. Ok, so I don't hate you get paid to write, just bloody jealous that you do,


    http://iliska-dreams.blogspot.com.au/

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  16. I love it too. I really do. But it's hard. That doesn't mean I don't love it, but it's HARD. (P.S. I LOVE Milo from the can!!!) xxxxx

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