An Open Letter To Klout

Dear Klout,

I'm not exactly sure what you do, but I know it's important. I understand you measure the influence of people in social media, and being a social media whore, I take you very seriously. I want to have influence, so that I can use it for evil instead of good. Or perhaps good instead of evil. Either way, if it makes people buy my books, I'm happy.

Last time I checked my social media influence was fairly significant. I got a score of 62, which is not the highest possible score, but is considerably higher than that of, say, my 94 year old grandmother who does not use the internet.

I was delighted for a moment, until I looked at the areas in which you considered me to be influential. Blogging, for one, which makes perfect sense as I am a blogger. Nutella, for another, which makes perfect sense as my body is approximately 47% pure choc-hazelnut spread. Coffee, because, well, I drink the stuff.

And then the list got weird.

You see, apparently, Klout, one of my primary areas of influence is in Klingon. Yes, you heard me right. Klingon. The strange race of beings featured in Star Trek. I can't elaborate on what they're actually like as I don't watch Star Trek, but clearly that doesn't stop me from exerting a huge influence on them as a species. Okay then.

My Field Of Expertise

And it gets odder still, because yet another of my areas of influence is in... wait for it... Homosexuality. Now, this wouldn't be odd if I was a homosexual, or if I was the Minister for Homosexual Affairs (and though we don't have such a minister, we probably should), or even if I was a Catholic. But I'm not. I'm a Jewish straight girl and I haven't even kissed a girl, though I did see the Katie Perry film the other day and thought it was really cool.

I tweeted about these discrepancies the other day and got some very interesting feedback. Turns out my delightful friend Jayne was once considered influential by you in human trafficking, which is a little scary. Lisa is influential in stem cell, which is rather baffling, as she is not a scientist. Linda is influential in pumpkin, which is a bit tragic. And Kim is influential in Eek, Zombies and bacon, which is just plain freaky.

So Klout, I don't mean to express scepticism as to how you get your data - and I'm very happy with my score of 62 - but some clarification of where I get my influence would be very much appreciated.

Because unless there's a team of gay Klingons clinging onto my every word, something in the interweb is a little bit odd.

Yours sincerely,

Kerri