February 22, 2012

I Got Maturity

The other day I received some very surprising news. Apparently, I have grown up.

Let me explain:

For a while now I've been experiencing unexplained, periodic headaches (as opposed to period headaches, which would be completely explainable). I went to the doctor who ruled out a series of possibilities, determining by a process of elimination that I had not

a) been hit in the head with a brick

b) recently fallen on my head

c) got an axe stuck in my brain.

That left about a billionty and seven other potential diagnoses, but at least we got the obvious out of the way.

I went for some blood tests that showed up nothing. So then I kept a headache diary for a while that gave some interesting information, primarily that I

a) got headaches after eating chocolate

b) also got headaches when I hadn't eaten chocolate

c) got headaches after drinking alcohol

d) also got headaches when I hadn't drunk alcohol

e) sometimes didn't get headaches despite eating chocolate and drinking alcohol

f) sometimes was too full and drunk to keep my headache diary.

So perhaps it didn't show up anything at all.

The next step was to go to a specialist and get a series of rather more sophisticated tests, which I felt like like a hole in the head (which, incidentally, would have caused quite nasty headaches too). I waited a while to see if the headaches would magically pass (because, although I don't believe in magic at all, I totally believe in procrastination). Then, when another shocking headache descended on me at the end of another day, I decided it was time for action.

I picked up my phone to dial the doctor, when a text came through from a friend. And something suddenly occured to me.

I was straining to read the message.

Oh my god. I couldn't see!!!

I rushed straight to the optometrist and had an eye test. The optometrist performed a series of fascinating tests that left me blinking with a dent in my forehead, then sat me down to give me the news.

Me Getting My Maturity On

"Kerri," he said, "you have a mild case of maturity."

"Huh?" I asked. "Is that an occular condition?"

"Yes," he said. "You're getting old. You need reading glasses. And when you get them, your headaches will disappear."

So that, my friends, is the story of how Kerri Got Her Maturity On. And got reading glasses. Two pairs. One pink, one black.

As for the headaches, well so far, they have stayed away.

And sexy librarian? Here I come.


  1. 'bout time you caught up.  I've been mature for years!  *cough*  

  2. Hilarious! I've worn glasses / contacts (for distance) for years, but when I hit 40 my optometrist suggested I'd soon have problems reading. (Not in a I'm-illiterate kind of way!!!)
    Bizarrely my biggest problem is that I don't actually need glasses for reading - so have to remove them to read my iPhone etc. (This is more problematic if I'm at work or on the train and have contact lenses in. I don't think it's publicly acceptable to dig into one's eye to remove little clear lenses on a crowded train!).
    I don't like wearing my glasses outside of the house - yes, I'm vain like that - so continue to squint when reading... (and yes, it's a good look!).
    Hope the headaches now clear up!

  3. Great read! Ha Ha! And you look great with those pink ones on!

  4. In those glasses you are a dead ringer for TINA FEY!! In fact, maybe you are Tina Fey. It all makes sense now. I've never seen the two of you in the same room together, and you always disappear from Twitter when 30 Rock is on.

    Regardless, the glasses look great... and be grateful that your first symptom of maturity is only specs. I work in aged care. For some people it begins with incontinence pads.

  5. Welcome to my world x

  6. Great post...that I had to read with my glasses.

  7. Look out! I may have a thing for women who wear glasses...

  8. maturity ...... i dont think so !!

  9. You will totally rock your maturity specs, Kerri. And if it's true you now look more like Tina Fey (love)... could it be possible for me to like you even more?

  10. At least it was only glasses, and nothing more sinister, but I bet you'd have rather discovered that BEFORE the round of specialist tests!

  11. Kerri, you look very sexy in your new Tina Fey style glasses. If she ever quits, you may get to be a fillum star, after all. As long as the scripts are in large font, you'll be fine.......

  12. There are support groups - I've heard.

  13. When I was at primary school I always sat with 2 friends.  Natasha was in the middle, Linda and I on either side.  Then we went to different high schools and discovered that Linda and I were effectively blind.  We must have been copying off Natasha for years because neither of us could see the board!  It makes such a difference to your life not having crushing headaches.

    Oh and I love the glasses, they look great.

  14. glad to hear the headaches have disappeared!!! i need to get a new prescription before i go back to school...but i've been procrastinating hardcore. i wish it was part of my 'maturity' process...but i've been wearing these darn things since i was 18 months old.

    You know how most mothers keep their baby's first pair of shoes or something cute like that??? well my mom has my first pair of glasses!


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