December 14, 2011

What I Ate. As In, REALLY....

The other night I was having drinks with a couple of girlfriends.

"You know what I hate?" asked one friend. (I'll call her Coupon, although clearly there is no-one in the world with such a silly name.) "Those stupid magazine articles which get people to say exactly what they've eaten in a day and then a nutritionist assesses their diet."

I was shocked.

"I love those articles!" I said. "I love hearing about what other people eat! And I love the nutritionist's feedback! It's fascinating!"

Coupon shook her head. (Seriously, what a ridiculous name.)"But they all eat mung beans and drink protein smoothies! I mean, who the hell eats mung beans or protein smoothies? They have to be lying. They're scared of getting in trouble with the nutritionist!"

Well, I couldn't argue with that. I, for one, hate mung beans, and the only smoothies I enjoy come with ice cream and chocolate and a swirl of cream on top. And if I don't eat them, surely no-one else would, either. They must, indeed, be lying.

So in the spirit of journalistic integrity, I decided to do my own 'What I Ate' column, including a full critique by a nutritionist.

Because someone out there has to tell the truth.

Oh, except that I don't have a nutritionist. So the critique may just have to be from me.

What I Ate On Sunday

7.30am - I ate an orange (because I like them) and a piece of toast with vegemite. Okay, toast with peanut butter. Crunchy!

8.00am - Boo didn't finish her vegemite toast, so I ate that too. With, er, some extra peanut butter on the top. Crunchy!

9.15am - Grabbed a cappuccino during Boo's swimming lesson. A skim cappuccino. Possibly with sugar. Just one sugar, though. Or maybe two.

11.00am - At a playcentre for a birthday party and starving. (Drinking coffee makes me hungry.) There was no adult food available so I was forced to steal a slice of pizza from the kids' table. This slice was so fantastically good that I was forced to steal another. And then eat Boo's leftovers, too.

4.00pm - Home. Decided I needed something healthy so I ate the remainder of last night's green salad. It was a little limp.

5.00pm - Drinks with friends. I had water. And, er, a gin and tonic. And, er, a glass of Cab Sav.

6.00pm - We were hungry. Ate a selection of breads and dips, and several tasty pieces of something fried. Crunchy!

10pm - Home in bed. Drank a soothing cup of tea. Okay, it wasn't tea. It was a cream of chicken cup-a-soup. I just love those delicious noodles!

Nutritionist's critique:
What can I say? I love those delicious noodles too! Well done, Kerri. You did good.


  1. I am a secret food diary reader too...I would hate them to see some of my days which involve salt and vinegar rice crackers, coffee and a banana to round things off. I purposely only cook the kids what I like because I know Im going to eat it anyways.

  2. I've never been a food diary reader, although I have wondered if I started one, would I be more likely to eat healthy so I don't have to lie to it.

  3. Who has time & energy to write down what they eat? Everyone has a name for what kind of way they eat.  You could name your diet the "Get Food Where You Can" diet.  

  4. Clearly that Coupon is all kinds of smart. And I want the number of your nutritionist.

  5. I too love reading those Food Diaries then get depressed by all their healthy eating, which just gets worse when I read the nutritionists comments saying how they must add more healthy options. If it's true I'm seriously screwed! :) So, I much prefer reading your food diary a's I sit here scoffing my deep pan pizza.

  6. I love those food diaries, although I agree those people lie!  The one I really love is that awful "you are what you eat" show from England where she lays out a week's worth of food on the table.  Have you ever noticed how uniformly blandly beige and brown the food is?  Every now and then I imagine my week's worth of food laid out on a table, most weeks I'm ok, lets just not count these Christmas weeks.

  7. You ate all that, and you're still skinny ? Must be all that chasing around the couch, you and The Architect do.....

  8. My beef is with meal plans/recommendations that say things like "4 or 5 nuts".
    Who in their right mind can open a packet of nuts (or of anything edible), eat 4 or 5 and put the packet away????

    I bet your nutritionist would encourage a 'finish what you start' committed type approach to this.

  9. These slices look amazing. I wish I could indulge in some delicious pizza, but I have to watch my diet.

  10. What, no chocolate!? not even a caramello koala or a handful of smarties?

  11. Finding a skinnier meDecember 15, 2011 at 4:19 AM

    I am currently half way through a two week no carb no sugar cleanse (because I despise the word diet). I am starting to miss real food (in other word horribly sugary carby food like DONUTS) and hate salads. ;-)

  12. You're right! What a disgraceful omission!

  13. I TOTALLY agree. No-one eats 4 nuts. It's like putting on one sock. Ridiculous.

  14. You mean him chasing me, and me trying to escape..............

  15. I would HATE to see my food laid out. There'd be a hell of a lot of peanut butter....

  16. Coupon is very smart, but what a bloody ridiculous name. She should change it by deed poll to something normal. Like 'Al'.

  17. Me too! I make rack of lamb and my husband says 'you know I don't like lamb' and I say 'But I do!!!' and eat his.

  18. Depends how hard you try to escape, my little Kerriness.......

  19. Lol, I love your honesty, and why does ALL the tasty food be so "bad" for us?
    It seems I have all the forbiden vices... and it is hard to live a whole life resisting temptations ...

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