April 11, 2011

The Marriage Cure-All

As you may have noticed, one of the main themes of my writing (actually, one of the main themes of my life) is that marriage is hard. Really hard. Living with the same person day in, day out for 150 years can be challenging, to say the least. Shoes on the bed, undies on the floor, hair in the sink, and major differences of opinion on everything from child care to whether Girls Of The Playboy Mansion is acceptable viewing entertainment.... It's tough.

Normally I just whinge about how difficult it all is, and offer nothing in the way of solutions. Today, however, is different. Today, I have a solution.

Before I offer you my cure-all for marriage discontent, though, I need to give you some background.

This past weekend, I have been the parent of an only child. My mum took my big kids to the coast for the weekend so I had only Boo to look after. And it was easy. Heavenly, in fact. Boo is an energetic three year old who enjoys noise and mess and chaos as much as the next child, but having her alone - without the additional noise and mess and chaos of her brother and sister - was a breeze.



When you have only one child, it seems hard (mainly because it is). However, when you have more than one child, being left with only one seems easy in comparison.

Which is how I stumbled upon my Marriage Cure-All.

Now, obviously we can't make marriage easier. Men and women living together in harmony??? That's just silly talk! But what we can do is to make marriage seem easier, by tricking ourselves with a bit of comparison.

What do I mean? Well, when your man is making you crazy, surround yourself with many men. You think living with one man is difficult? Try living with three or four or even five! Hell, try a dozen! Live with them for a week. Listen to them blowing their noses in the middle of the night. Argue with them over finances. Watch them hogging the TV remote. Negotiate with them over when to visit the in-laws. Hear them complain about not getting enough sex.
And then just when you think you've had as much as you can take, send all of them away except for your partner. He'll be the same old partner, and he won't be any easier to live with, but as there'll only be one of him, life will seem easier. I promise!

27 comments:

  1. With tips like that, I feel reinvigorated. Now, to go find myself 15 more temporary kinda lame husbands.......

    Funny lovely xx

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  2. I now point out to my husband when a certain course of action I take is a 'marriage preservation technique' (MPT). Just so he appreciates my efforts, thoguh I do think it defeats the purpose of the MPT

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  3. Dial a Husband is going to have a very confused receptionist today. "No, no, I don't want handyman stuff. I just want him to blow his nose in the middle of the night and what not."

    This is such a *sound* idea. I am sure it would work.

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  4. What a novel thought! Makes perfect sense to me :)

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  5. Does this advice go for husbands as well. Can I invite fifteen wife-lites over for a week?

    Can I?

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  6. I love Girls of the Playboy Mansion . . .

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  7. Interesting suggestion.

    PS GOPM is one of my faves.

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  8. Kerri, I WOULD comment, but any post that contains the word marriage, makes me feel a trifle unwell. Please excuse me.....

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  9. I'm already feeling grateful when I think of the laundry and cooking involved with 15 of them.....funny that....your cure is working and I haven't even done anything. I might even let himself have a turn with the remote control tonight. Lx

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  10. Kerri, your solutions to life's big issues should be bottled or written in a book ... cue plug for When My Husband Does the Dishes..

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  11. I think you're onto something. And if our husbands had to clean up after a banquet for a solid week, think how grateful they would be to simply do the family dishes in the evening?

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  12. I smell a business proposition!

    You know that agency featured on mamamia recently where bi-curious women could go to satisfy their curiosity?

    Well, you could set up an equivalent agency where woman can choose from a menu of talent like, 'Mick, the toenail flicker', or 'Dennis, the absent corporate slave', or 'Pat, the wet towel dropper'.

    Between us all I'm sure we can source the personnel. I have a wet towel dropper you can borrow.

    I'll write up the business plan now...

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  13. When I think of the shirt pile I already deal with I feel quite faint. THANK YOU Kerri. You may have saved a marriage today ;)

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  14. Trust me. One husband is enough!

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  15. Brilliant! I shall do something about this immediately and invite 10 men over this evening...oh wait, husband is away at the moment...hmm...what to do...oh I'll try it without him and see how it goes.


    Kirstyxx

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  16. Hilarious, I read it to my husband and he laughed too (and hopefully got some hints on what we find most annoying).

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  17. You are definitely on to something. I have an extra ten or so men in my life and they make my marriage SPARKLE (and sometimes moan). George, Brad, Becks, Sam, Brendan, Dr Luka.... Oh. You meant REAL men? What sort of a dumb ass idea is that? ;)

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  18. Marriage cure-all? D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Sorry feeling cynical today. Will return when in a more jovial mood.

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  19. Great idea! Where do I find all these men? :)

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  20. Excellent, here's my offer: I'll just lend out *my* husband, (the one who talks too loudly on the phone and leaves rubbish and recycling next to the bin) for someone else to trial...oh! It's already working...what a mood lifter!

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  21. One is enough! After 42 years of marriage (to the same man) one gets used to whiskers in the sink, shoes in a pile on the floor and the remote control glued to his hand. The thing that helped me overcome getting upset with his annoying behaviour was the fact that he has had a suspected brain tumour and two heart attacks all before he reached 40. The kids were little and I was so pleased to have him back from hospital alive that I have never cared about how many whiskers I have to wash down the sink.

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  22. One is enough! After 42 years of marriage (to the same man) one gets used to whiskers in the sink, shoes in a pile on the floor and the remote control glued to his hand. The thing that helped me overcome getting upset with his annoying behaviour was the fact that he has had a suspected brain tumour and two heart attacks all before he reached 40. The kids were little and I was so pleased to have him back from hospital alive that I have never cared about how many whiskers I have to wash down the sink.

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  23. Great idea! Where do I find all these men? :)

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  24. Trust me. One husband is enough!

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  25. What a novel thought! Makes perfect sense to me :)

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  26. lol you may be on to something here! I do live with 4 men (my husband + 3 sons aged 5 and under)...my husband is going out tonight and 2 are staying at my mother's so should be a relaxing night, right?

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