April 21, 2011

Married. AGAIN????

Two friends of mine in the U.S. recently got married. She wore white, with flowers in her hair, and was radiantly beautiful as she walked down the aisle. He wore a tux, and looked darkly handsome as he waited for his bride.

I was happy for them but I didn’t bother sending a gift. I thought the whole thing was a bit silly, really. You see, my friends were already married to each other. They were simply renewing their vows.

I cannot imagine anything that would inspire me to take a trip back down the aisle again, especially with the person I'm already married to. I love my husband, but marrying him once was more than enough. I know there are plenty of reasons to renew one's vows, but none of them make much sense to me.

For example:

To show that you would still choose to marry your husband, even if you just met him today.

Well, yes, I suppose I would marry my husband if I met him today, but this is largely because we have three kids together, not to mention a bank account, a mortgage and a rabbit, and it would be very inconvenient to marry someone else. But would I marry my husband if we weren’t already married? I don't know!!! Chances are I’d be married to someone else by now and have three kids and a mortgage with them, so no matter how fabulous my husband was I wouldn’t even notice him. And if I did somehow notice him, hopefully I’d be loyal enough to my alternate husband that I would just look away. After all, it would be kind of messy to change partners at this point, particularly with all those kids...

To show that you’re still happily married.

Well, some days I’m happy and some days I’m not. It depends on what kind of mood I’m in and whether my husband has remembered to put his boxers in the laundry.

To show that you’re still committed to your marriage.

Well obviously I’m committed. I’m still here, aren’t I? I mean, it’s not like I haven’t had other offers! (Okay, so I haven’t had other offers, but I’m sure I would if I just put some feelers out and maybe wore a padded bra once in a while.) The very fact of my presence is indication enough that I plan to stay married, at least for the rest of the day.

As an excuse to have a big party.

Well, there’s nothing at all wrong with throwing a party. But a wedding party? My god, we barely survived organising the first wedding, let alone a second. With all the decisions involved – choosing a cake, a venue, a menu, the flowers, the dress, not to mention settling on a guest list – we’d be lucky not to kill each other before the big day. Remember, neither of us is on our best behaviour any more. We’re married, after all.

For the romance.

Yeah, yeah. I’m sure that renewing one’s vows is no doubt very romantic, and no doubt my husband would look very nice in his suit. But realistically, it’s not like I haven’t seen him in his suit about twenty thousand times before. And as for the wedding night, well, it’s not like we haven’t had sex approximately twenty BILLION times before. I’m sure it would be nice, but hardly white-veil-and-garter-worthy material.

So in the end, Vow Renewal just doesn’t work for me. But a second honeymoon? Without the kids? Now that sounds like a mighty fine idea.

43 comments:

  1. I bet the without the kids second honeymoon would probably do just as much for the romance/commitment etc. etc. as another wedding would anyway!!

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  2. I'm washing the dishes and 'going shopping in Chinatown', Kerri.

    Consider the first offer out there, now in writing.

    ...

    Well, more it's a penciled offer, not a penned offer... After all, my own wife... and four kids...

    Hmmmm...

    Your article makes good points.

    Well, let me just wash the dishes and wink at your twitter av.

    Yeah... that'll do it.

    (Side note: fucking blogger says "Open ID Error" EVEN though I'm logged into my wordpress account. Blogger comments suck. Grrr

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  3. Nope. Jesus, once isn't stressful enough??

    If I was going to drop $15k, I'd hop on a plane to NYC and stay there for a month. With my husband. Of course.


    You look ever so glam in that photo btw, I hope that's what you've gone with for the launch x

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  4. Nope. There's a reason they make marriage for life. It's so we don't have to do another wedding.

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  5. The first time we got married, it was interstate (on Gold Coast) where my family live. Only my husbands parents, one brother and one sister (out of 5 siblings) were able to be at the wedding. My Mum has MS and was unable to travel interstate to have a wedding where our family and friends could attend. She also loathes large gatherings so there was only 20 people there... and only one friend of mine, none of hubby's friends could afford the trip interstate.

    We had planned a ceremony in the gardens where my parents live, but the summer temps hit 40C+, so we ended up moving the ceremony into the bar of the reception venue.

    Given neither of us drink alcohol at all, it was rather strange to get married in a bar.

    5 years later we had a big party in Melbourne for our combined 30th birthdays. The party was to be held in the hall of our Church. We surprised everyone with a wedding vow renewal ceremony. He wore his suit, I was able to wear the same wedding gown I'd worn for our first ceremony.

    This time we were in a Church which was important to us... but more important, this time all our family and friends who had been unable to attend the original ceremony were there.

    I think our first wedding was very much under my mothers rules/conditions and the second time round we were able to do it our way - casual, relaxed, fun. He wore his converse runners with his suit, I had my pink converse hi-tops on under my dress. :)

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  6. I will say, now we have had the wedding we both wanted, which cost us no more than the combined 30th birthday party would have... well we wont ever do it again.

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  7. Are you sure you want the honeymoon? Chances are you might get pregnant again.

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  8. Generally, no I wouldn't do it a second time. However, when we were in Vegas 5 years ago we had planned to do it there. After all, getting married by Elvis is just something that you do when you're in Vegas, right?

    I was disappointed that we couldn't make it happen. Maybe next time!

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  9. Friends of ours did the vowel renewal thing but they throw AMAZING parties (the type that are talked about for months ... or until the next one). Seemed right for them. Would be stressful for me. I'd take the kids-free holiday option instead.

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  10. I get your points, but Personally I would love to remarry my husband. Our wedding was nice, intimate with close family and friends, but our location changed last minute due to rain and unfortunately due to youth and budget constraints all photographs were taken by family with cutting edge 1 megapixel cameras... I have no decent shots and not a single one of Hubby & I alone - having nothing to frame makes me sad and I would love to re create the day sometime!

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  11. I get your points, but Personally I would love to remarry my husband. Our wedding was nice, intimate with close family and friends, but our location changed last minute due to rain and unfortunately due to youth and budget constraints all photographs were taken by family with cutting edge 1 megapixel cameras... I have no decent shots and not a single one of Hubby & I alone - having nothing to frame makes me sad and I would love to re create the day sometime!

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  12. The first time we got married, it was interstate (on Gold Coast) where my family live. Only my husbands parents, one brother and one sister (out of 5 siblings) were able to be at the wedding. My Mum has MS and was unable to travel interstate to have a wedding where our family and friends could attend. She also loathes large gatherings so there was only 20 people there... and only one friend of mine, none of hubby's friends could afford the trip interstate.

    We had planned a ceremony in the gardens where my parents live, but the summer temps hit 40C+, so we ended up moving the ceremony into the bar of the reception venue.

    Given neither of us drink alcohol at all, it was rather strange to get married in a bar.

    5 years later we had a big party in Melbourne for our combined 30th birthdays. The party was to be held in the hall of our Church. We surprised everyone with a wedding vow renewal ceremony. He wore his suit, I was able to wear the same wedding gown I'd worn for our first ceremony.

    This time we were in a Church which was important to us... but more important, this time all our family and friends who had been unable to attend the original ceremony were there.

    I think our first wedding was very much under my mothers rules/conditions and the second time round we were able to do it our way - casual, relaxed, fun. He wore his converse runners with his suit, I had my pink converse hi-tops on under my dress. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm washing the dishes and 'going shopping in Chinatown', Kerri.

    Consider the first offer out there, now in writing.

    ...

    Well, more it's a penciled offer, not a penned offer... After all, my own wife... and four kids...

    Hmmmm...

    Your article makes good points.

    Well, let me just wash the dishes and wink at your twitter av.

    Yeah... that'll do it.

    (Side note: fucking blogger says "Open ID Error" EVEN though I'm logged into my wordpress account. Blogger comments suck. Grrr

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  14. I am in fact renewing my vows next year, I do agree however, that to throw another huge shinding would be too much. We are off to vegas, Trashy elvis wedding, just the two of us, a belated honeymoon ( we took our eldest son on our first) I cant wait!

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  15. Actually, I like the old comments style better. Can you change it back?

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  16. If I could get shot of the kids for a day or two, I would like a fake wedding. Me, now, slimmer. Him, now, non-smoker.

    Our wedding was perfect apart from the photos. I hate them. I want a fake wedding with new photos. No guests, no stress, no three course dinner, no cake, no palava, no family, no kids, no bouncy bloody castle, no drama.

    Just a fake wedding for new snaps.

    And then a honeymoon without children.

    I still have not had a honeymoon from the first go round. I am not liking my chances somehow...

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  17. I'd love to renew our vows, simply b/c I was SO SICK on our actual wedding day, I completely missed it in a drug-fuelled haze (the legal kind!). That, and we've been through some really rough patches. I think it is a great way to say that even though we've had our ups and downs, and it hasn't always been easy, i still choose you.

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  18. I think I'd consider renewing our vows, but the way I want it to be. Just us on some tropical beach somewhere rather than with all the 'things' that come with a wedding.

    Otherwise I agree, I am still traumatised from our wedding a year ago to even consider ever doing that again!

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  19. I am going to destroy you

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  20. er... physically impossible!!!! (have, er, been fixed....)

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  21. I couldn't stomach doing it once... I'd rather spend the money on getting my house fixed.

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  22. I'm with you on this one Kerri. I quite like my husband and all, but really, why bother? My wedding day was perfect and really couldn't be topped, anyway. Also I am now older and fatter so the new photos would be unflattering in comparison!

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  23. On our friends 20th Wedding anniversary he surprised her with a party, proposal and celebrant so they could renew their vows.... she thought it was romantic, I told my husband not to even think about it as chances are he'd be left at the alter :-)
    ps I do love him dearly but.......

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  24. Would I have to have the fights with my mother again? Stupidly, I was under the impression it was my wedding whereas she knew it was really hers.
    Oh..oh..!! Miss! Miss! I have my hand up.
    Does Aunty Mary really have to come rather than my best friend? Really? She hates me. She said so at my 18th birthday?
    I'll pay for my own wedding. No, no mum..Well Ok you pay for it if you are going to cry.
    What's that mum? If you pay for it then you call the shots? I never saw that coming.
    Please elope with me darling!

    The marriage didn't turn out well either.
    I would definitely renew my vows but to someone else entirely. x

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  25. Ummm, yep.

    I've personally never had any desire to be married a first time - for many of the same reasons you give - let alone get married a second time.

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  26. We renewed our vows last year. In Bali, just the two of us on a beach. The way I'd have liked to do it the first time round. It was perfect.

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  27. New comments system rocks!!! (how's that?)

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  28. agree. totally. My parents renewed their vows when I was about 16 and I nearly threw up all over them. They got divorced about 5 years later. So renewal of vows is not like renewing your gym membership, you are not guaranteed the same membership period. Some people are just addicted to getting married. I am not one of them. But yeah - kid free second honeymoon! bring it on! I didn't even have a kid free first honeymoon. ok I didn't even have a honeymoon.

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  29. This post made me LMAO - finaly, someone with a little bit of sense about it all!

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  30. I haven't even managed to get married to the Captain the first time yet so we're not really in the ballpark for talking about round 2. That said, give me a beach, me and the Captain, the Batsman and the Bowler, a couple of our close friends and NO in-laws and I reckon I could do it at least a couple of times. PS: loving your book with a big fat capital L PPS: How are those wasps going? :)

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  31. Ha! They are dead dead dead!

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  32. Wow! I didn't know that!!! That actually sounds really nice x

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  33. I am still too traumatised to answer. I fear I will be for a long, long time. *hic*

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  34. I promise to never make a suggestion again, but do you see Jono's comment above?

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  35. Husband is keen to renew our vows at some point. I am less keen. I think this might be my fault for not making him do a whole lot more of the wedding planning. He's been known to say how 'easy' the wedding was to organise. Which is fascinating considering it was anything but easy, and he did none of the actual organising.

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  36. I think it's an excellent idea to get your husband to organise the Vow Renewal ceremony. Chances are a) he will realise how hard it actually is, b) it will never happen anyway, and c) he will have renewed respect for you. Or at least a) and b). C) is possibly too much to hope for.

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  37. I'm not actually married just cohabiting so I suppose I can't really answer this question. But one day I would like to get married ....when I can afford the Vera Wang dress and all the trimmings!

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  38. I've only had one husband & I'd sooner scoop my own eyes out and eat them than remarry him. However my current partner & I have not tied the not as yet. But we have booked a rather wonderful 5 weeks in Italy & Paris in September where we are getting married - just the two of us. Can. Not. Wait.

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  39. Oh how lovely for you Annie :-)

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  40. She should have thought about this many months ago!

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