Hello. Welcome to my 'HOLIDAY'. Hope you're having a good one. I am. Yes, TRULY. Oh, and sorry I'm a bit shouty. It's just that being TRAPPED in a BEACH house with one's ENTIRE FAMILY in the WIND and the DRIVING RAIN tends to do that to ONE. (And yes, I know, capitalising 'one' was overkill and didn't really make grammatical or emphatic sense, but that's just the kind of mood I'm in.)
Everything is fine, I just have a touch of cabin fever. Nothing to worry about. In fact, being confined to a house with my husband, kids and parents in inclement weather is a good thing, really. As seven individuals of wildly disparate personalities (except for my husband and father, who are really quite alarmingly similar) we are forced to forget our enormous differences and get along. (Or to lubricate our differences with frequent consumption of alcohol, which, happily, is working quite well for the adults, but is clearly not appropriate for the kids.)
We are all bonding quite nicely. My father's lame jokes at my expense aren't bothering me like they used to, and his equally lame jokes at my husband's expense are sounding, well, pretty amusing really. And my mother's obviously superior raising of my children isn't rubbing me up the wrong way - in fact, I'm working it to my advantage by giving her time and opportunity to demonstrate her skills to me. As for my husband, well, I barely even notice him anymore - in the face of so much Sackville Family Of Origin crazy he has become a touch passive - and really, one can't hope for more than that at this stage of a marriage.
And the kids, well, I'm coping with their delightfully robust ebulliance extremely well. No longer am I bothered by Boo's ongoing renditions of 'Look At My Cute Bum Bum' (complete with bum flashes and points) or her insistence on administering some kind of nasal delivery technology to me via a small, green plastic bottle. Nor is her Bob The Builder Song Book irritating me at all, not even when she presses that damn button for the 756th time and the elevator version of the theme song plays for what seems like 17 minutes.
I'm incredibly proud of Pinkela, as she has been beautifully behaved, and I don't mind at all her using this holiday break to perfect the 'El Trumpeto' nose blowing technique favoured by her father and maternal grandfather. It's loud, it's proud, and when it comes from her nose by GOD it's a feminist statement. And Little Man, well, nothing he does ever worries me, not even when he does his Happy Dance Of 'You're A Loser' after thrashing me at Scrabble, though I've tried my absolute best and have sneaked looks into the dictionary and hate that stupid idiotic game anyway.
So all in all, it's been a very nice holiday break. And the fact that I'm sleeping 10 hours a night and then retiring to my room to nap for another two or three hours during the day is not at all related to any desire for space or solitude, but rather my need to recharge my batteries after a long hard year. And besides, what else am I going to do in this weather? For the love of god, people - it's FREEZING outside! WHERE'S THE SUN???? For GODSAKE! WHERE'S THE SUN??????
Er, sorry.. I'm fine now, truly. So how is your holiday going? Getting any rest? Be quick; I've been up for two hours already, I'm getting a bit shouty, and I really need to be heading back to bed....
Ohh Kerri. The whole of Australia is feeling your pain, because being The Holiday Period (where we all have to do family stuff) and being The Wet Season (where it, you know, rains)- means we're all stuck in confined spaces with annoying family members copious amounts of alcohol and chocolate. Sometimes the alcohol and chocolate helps, sometimes the combination of sugar and booze fuels the Family Fire.
ReplyDeleteFor my part, me and the kids have come to Cairns to do the Christmas thing with their dad. They are sleeping in his bed with him. I am sleeping on a crappy mattress on the floor with my ageing dog and sadistic cat. Two days before Christmas, it started RAINING. Unfortunately this was also the day HIS MOTHER flew in. On Christmas eve, Cyclone Tasha crossed the coast. Cue more wind and rain, rendering me housebound with my ex husband, ex mother in law and three excited kids. By 9am all the presents were opened and I had clearly NOT had enough to drink, so I grabbed a bottle of Brown Brothers Crouchen Riesling and a large cup (that may have actually been a bucket) and settled in to watch the wind blow and the kids play with their Christmas Loot, taking comfort in the fact that this is probably as good as it's going to get.
This year I made the wise decision & accepted 3 weeks full time work producing talk back radio over the Christmas holiday break. Best.decision.ever. I hope you are sleeping soundly now and safely cocooned in your bed. xx
ReplyDeleteYou know this kind of post demands some sort of one-ups-woman-ship, but I haven't got it in me.
ReplyDeleteI am beaten down by being trapped by interminable rain in a house for 4 days alone with a six year old, with nothing but Wii and Lego for entertainment ('cos clearly, TV, DVDs, books and other entertainments pale in comparison).
I have no tag team to take my place at the enterminable games of Super Mario Bros, or look at yet another incarnation of some clearly fucked-up Bionicle bad guy (but obviously, that review is for your ears, not his).
I crawl away for a nap, to stare forlornly at the sheets of rain outside the window, only to spend the next 20 minutes negotiating when I'm returning to the fray. Exhausting.
I have nothing...
And somehow, I managed to use the word 'interminable' twice in this comment, and spell it wrong once; see how bad things are? :P
ReplyDelete"And my mother's ostentatiously superior raising of my children isn't rubbing me up the wrong way - in fact, I'm working it to my advantage by giving her time and opportunity to demonstrate her skills to me." LOVE IT!!
ReplyDeleteAnd really, who teaches their children to blow their nose like a fog horn. My husband does the same thing - I toot like a train each time he does it. I don't know who annoys who the most!
And what's with the bum flashing? Nearly Four took her pants down and flashed her arse to the family during Christmas lunch. Why?
I need a holiday - without the family!
Hope you get some sun soon!
I feel your pain. Well, no, I don't. Your post reminded me of a similar famioly shut in experience that I only just managed to miss last year and your post has filled me once again with the feelings of relief that come from a catastophe only narrowly avoided.
ReplyDeleteWishing you sunshine and rainbows for ther remainder of your trip (or at least before the alcohol runs out).
I think it's only fitting that after a crappy year, the period between Christmas and New Year (and inclusive of) - yes the period we look forward to ALL FRICKING YEAR - should see most of us stranded in various modes of accommodation with people we may or may not get on with. You're okay now Kerri, but what is going to happen when the alcohol supply runs out? What will happen then? Keep calm and carry on
ReplyDeleteI can't compete with that. Nor would I want to. *shudder*
ReplyDeleteAs much as the rain is making me nuts, and causing the 3 kids to run around like demented chickens, I'm actually just a teeny bit grateful for it. Yes, I know that's insanity, but look at it from my point of view. The rain means that Mr9-with-the-broken-arm can't get out on his new Ripstik and become Mr9-with-2-broken-arms.
That is indeed my very idea of a living hell. You win. I'm flooded in in Boonah and can't escape my family but you still win.
ReplyDeleteOh God, I'm having a pavlovian response to your holiday and I'm beginning to shake.
Gold medals coming your way, dear.
Aha - see we have planned ahead. Or more to the point unplanned. We were meant to be in our small, little holiday cottage on the Mid North Coast but deided to play it by ear. Normally it is a precise, planned military campaign of movement outstanding in its precision, but with recent events we chose the more relaxed approach to these holidays. The *meh* let's see how we feel and wander down when we feel like it plan.
ReplyDeleteThe result is we are sitting in our largish, comfortable home with all the toys and gizmos to keep the boys entertained, waiting for the world to dry out a little. Not stuck staring at four walls in a small cottage, nerves at breaking point, wanting to murder each other.
Tadah!
P.S. There is till wine involved...
La la la la la. While it seesm everyone else wrings themselves out and huddles closer to the heater, I am sitting in Broome where it has been 32-35 every day for the last month and my kids are playing in the pool as I type at 8:45am. Better yet, my own family of origin are 5000 km away!
ReplyDeleteI hope that made you feel better. It probably didn't, but checking your blog for new comments at least gives you an excuse to leave Scrabble.
You are funny. Bet your folks are stoked to be featuring in your blog!
ReplyDeleteHow about being stranded in the bush amongst ever-rising floodwaters? We are okay - plenty of DVDs and undercover space for two bored kids. Its my aunt and uncle who have three kids and grandkids all still cooped there from Christmas. In a three-bedroom house... we can only get to each other's house and are completely cut off from everyone else. And they are starting to visit. A LOT!
If you need some relief, check out our place:
www.bushbabeofoz.com
Bring your wellies!
:-)
BB
Poor Kerri.
ReplyDeleteThe sun is shining here, Crusoe is playing at his Grandma's, I have the house to myself - or the sunny outdoors if I wish (did I say the sun is shining here?) I have enough of a cold to shove Crusoe to my mum's for 6 hours but not enough of a cold to make me feel miserable or unable to catch up on some delicious reading time - maybe out in the sun. Did I say the sun was shining here?
I have no in-laws, and no children. I do however, have lots of chocolate and wine..........FTW :-D
ReplyDeleteWell my children are going feral at home at each other. No parents around- but they wouldn't be shouty or for some odd reason repeating "they're cracking under the pressure" in odd british accents (what have they been watching on tv? seriously?)
ReplyDeleteOh look, DOC is shouty now too...sigh...only what, 5 more weeks.
heres hoping the sun comes out very very soon
For the first time ever I think Phillip Island (south of Melbourne) is having the best post-Christmas weather of any of Australia's 'holiday hot spots'. It's only barely past 20 degrees but there's no rain. The water's freaking freezing still, or so my children have told me. It was hard to tell from my beach chair.
ReplyDeleteAnd, Kerri, should it be called for, Google can solve all your Scrabble issues. One Google search will bring up a plethora of sites where all you do is put in your 7 Scrabble letters and VOILA it spits out a word that will stop all those "You're A Loser" dances!
KJ -
ReplyDeleteI am STUNNED about the Scrabble sites.
I don't think anyone has told me anything so useful since.... no, I think it's the most useful thing I've ever heard.
From now on I'll be playing with my iPhone on my lap. And winning in about 3 moves.
K x
i am also dieing here. I was so excited for sleep ins, no making lunches for 3 kids and some bonding time. WELL....i want to go back to work and school NOW PLEASE!! my oldest son ZZ is driving me to do things i'm scared of so his father gave him a really great punishment...to write out 10 lines of how he must behave 25 times. it took him almost all day yesterday and he was NOT HAPPY. if this works i'll let you know. but my gut instinct is that T WON'T.
ReplyDeletethank god hubby has taken all 3 boys away from me today. hopefully i'll recharge and be happy mummy agin by 5pm tonight.
By the way Kerri, How did u have time to write on this holiday??
love Lis
I'm laughing out loud! Great post! But obviously a less than funny situation, really... Hope you got through it and a happy holiday was had. I'm loving your blog and will be following intently in 2011!
ReplyDeleteThat is indeed my very idea of a living hell. You win. I'm flooded in in Boonah and can't escape my family but you still win.
ReplyDeleteOh God, I'm having a pavlovian response to your holiday and I'm beginning to shake.
Gold medals coming your way, dear.
Ohh Kerri. The whole of Australia is feeling your pain, because being The Holiday Period (where we all have to do family stuff) and being The Wet Season (where it, you know, rains)- means we're all stuck in confined spaces with annoying family members copious amounts of alcohol and chocolate. Sometimes the alcohol and chocolate helps, sometimes the combination of sugar and booze fuels the Family Fire.
ReplyDeleteFor my part, me and the kids have come to Cairns to do the Christmas thing with their dad. They are sleeping in his bed with him. I am sleeping on a crappy mattress on the floor with my ageing dog and sadistic cat. Two days before Christmas, it started RAINING. Unfortunately this was also the day HIS MOTHER flew in. On Christmas eve, Cyclone Tasha crossed the coast. Cue more wind and rain, rendering me housebound with my ex husband, ex mother in law and three excited kids. By 9am all the presents were opened and I had clearly NOT had enough to drink, so I grabbed a bottle of Brown Brothers Crouchen Riesling and a large cup (that may have actually been a bucket) and settled in to watch the wind blow and the kids play with their Christmas Loot, taking comfort in the fact that this is probably as good as it's going to get.