December 14, 2010

Something Slightly Magical

Yesterday I took just-turned-three year old Boo to her orientation day at pre-school. It's the same pre-school attended by her big brother and sister many years ago, the same pre-school in which I sat on a teeny tiny chair and sobbed uncontrollably for a full hour when my Pinkela 'graduated' in mini robes and a hat. Back then, four years ago, I didn't think I was going to have any more children, and my Pinkela, my baby, was all grown up.

Incredibly, just over a year after Pinkela moved to big school, my baby Boo was born. As many of you will know, it was a time of tremendous sadness as well as great joy, because my beloved sister had died only three weeks earlier. Tanya was very close to my big kids - her precious niece and nephew - and they loved their only Auntie deeply. But she never got to meet her youngest niece. Tanya never got to see Boo's huge dark eyes, or the fact that she has the only 'outy' belly-button in the family. She never got to discover Boo's ecclectic taste in music (everything from 'Incy Wincy Spider' to pretty much anything by the Black Eyed Peas), or her preference for 'tuna-from-a-can' and 'freddo-frog-the-head-AND-body!'. She never got to attend Boo's first birthday party, or see her first steps, or watch as she sat proudly on the toilet for the first time.

And of course, she wasn't there to hear about her orientation day at pre-school.

Or was she?

Because something slightly magical happened yesterday. We adults were sitting in a circle listening to a talk from the director whilst our children had morning tea with the teachers in the room next door. The director discussed opening hours, protocols, naptime arrangements, food, and all the minutia of daily life at pre-school. Then she handed out a few of the 'weekend books' to pass around and look at. The weekend books are scrapbooks, taken home by each child in each class once a year, and returned to pre-school to be shared and discussed. They detail what the child did on their weekend, and include pictures and drawings and various other details that paint a picture of each child's family life. Given that the pre-school has three classes per year, and each class has their own book, there have been many books over the years.

So what were the chances that the book that happened to land on my lap - the book helpfully passed to me by a mother I've never met - was from my daughter's last year at pre-school? And what were the chances that the particular weekend we'd documented in the book (a weekend I'd completely forgotten) was the weekend we'd all gone to Auntie Tanya's house for dinner to celebrate my birthday?

Chances or not, that's the book I got. And in some small way, it was like Tanya popping her head in, making her enduring presence known. It reminded me that I still have a relationship with my sister, even if it's not the relationship it was. I may not be able to call Tanya about Boo's first day at pre-school, or about Pinkela's dance concert, or my son's presentation ceremony at school, but I can still talk to her about them, and I believe she will hear.

As for little Boo, well, her Auntie Tanya is at pre-school with her, and always will be. And for some reason, I find this very comforting.

33 comments:

  1. So beautiful, K-Sack. So very, very beautiful.

    I don't believe in any of that afterlife stuff.

    But I firmly believe that strange, interesting, beautiful and inexplicable stuff happens.

    And when it does, just smile and say, "OK. Whatever."

    Last Monday was a bit like that for me.

    xxxxxxxxxxx

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  2. I've got goosebumps & tears. That is a little bit magical. Thanks for sharing. xx

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  3. Beautiful,just beautiful. Can't think of anything else to say. xx

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  4. Hard to write when my eyes have tears in them. Who knew? x

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  5. Wow. Covered in goosebumps. She is always there - you know that. A truly beautiful magic moment. xxx

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  6. Oh my, that is very magical indeed.

    Not to get all airy fairy on you, but I truly believe our loved ones are still around us.

    Our not so loved ones might hang around too, like Hazel the old duck that owned our house before she DIED here. She's definitely still here, walking around at night and making sure we can hear her footsteps. After seeing a psychic (this is the airy fairy part) she told me to white sage the house because Hazel is pissed we are in her hourse and annoying the kids in their sleep (and they were having terrible sleeps). Worked.

    I think it's beautiful Tanya is watching over you and especially Boo. I imagine she doesn't want to miss out on anything. xx

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  7. Just beautiful. What a special reminder that your sister will always be part of your life, and your children's lives, through the special memories you have of her.

    xxx

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  8. There's a part of me that alwasys wants to believe that some things happen because of a side of life or after-life we don't yet know about. My rational mind can't get around that part of me so I just let it hover in and out. Whatever the explanation, Tanya's love for you is somehow making its presence known in unexpected and magical ways - and I am so happy for you about that. Wishing you more magic x

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  9. They are always there when we need them ~ even if we don't "feel" them.

    What a beautiful post....

    ~x~

    ps you have a new follower

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  10. Kerri, there are some things we just can't explain, but God is watching over Tanya, and she is watching over you. It will always be that way xxx

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  11. Oh honey, wonderful. Lovely.

    That's the magic of this mad, mad world we live in. And the magic of your bond to your sister, and your kids.

    How utterly fabulous that must feel.

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  12. Oh Kerri, this is the first I've heard of your loss. So sad, yet so uplifting. It's lovely when special things happen like that. My grandma did this to me 2 years ago when ebay sent me to her last house to collect a toddler hook-on chair I'd won. Freaky, but good. Hadn't been thinking of her enough. Love to you x x

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  13. As the openly spooky/ esoteric person on here I will say that I do believe in life hereafter, karma, reincarnation etc etc

    And here's how I look at death - its like watching TV. When you change the channel and start watching channel 7 instead of 9.... 9 doesn't go off air, you just can't see it any more.

    I have no doubt your wonderful sister embraces and your family every day until she's ready to come back xo

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  14. Somethings we can't explain. Some things we don't need to explain... we just need to let them wash over us in the moment.

    Beautiful Kerri, just beautiful. xxx

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  15. I used to be a cynic, but I've been around long enough and seen enough amazing coincidences like this to believe in what aussieyogachic says. There is something bigger than all of us out there, and it enables our loved ones to check in with us when they want to or when we need them the most. Don't doubt that your sister will be there helping all of you along. It's like I tell me kids - when we love someone there is an invisible thread that connects us forever, even if we can't see them. Maybe it's not true, but it's an enormous comfort to all of us. xo

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  16. Kerri that was beautiful - tears and goosebumps and I never even had the good fortune to know her. Very well written x

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  17. What an awesome, seemingly random event that was..oh how I love those "connections" made with much loved ones who've died.

    We can never be sure of the how/when/why but it doesn't matter.

    You saw & read the book, one where your sister was mentioned, and talked of lovingly, as you were waiting for, your Boo, who didn't meet her.

    It's M. A. G. I. C. A. L. & forever links the family
    Love to you all..and xxxxx

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  18. Goosebumps and tears here too.

    I am a strong believer that stuff like this happens to comfort us.

    Butterlies, books, rainbows. They all happen for a reason.

    xx

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  19. Definitely magical, what a lovely story :)

    I had something similar happen a couple of years ago.

    My mum died from cancer when I was 18 after battling a couple of bouts of it, and before she went into hospital for the last time, she left a note in her bedside table, which my dad found the day after she died.

    It read, “Everybody dies. Some die young, and some die old. I’m going to die soon, but I’ve had my chance. You die, and then someone comes to take your place. Apart from being born, it’s the only thing in which we have no choice. When I’m dead, all I want is for you to remember me.”

    We all read it and cried and it was printed in the order of service for the funeral; from time to time I'd open up that booklet, read those words and have a little cry.

    Then, five and a half years later a friend gave me the book Captain Corelli’s Mandolin for my birthday, and I really struggled to get into it.

    I started and stopped about five times, and finally, about eight months later, I persevered and got to chapter 71, and discovered where those words my mum had left came from, it was a quote from Pelagia talking to young Iannis about death.

    It was a pretty incredible moment, suddenly and unexpectedly coming across the final words that my mum left us, right there in that book that I was given by a friend who never knew her, and that I so easily could have put down and never picked up again.

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  20. Without sounding like I'm perched in my yoga position with broccoli sprouted out of each ear, wearing a hemp skirt and a joint burning away on the coffee table..........you were meant to get that book and it definitely was a sign.

    Gorgeous post, I knew it was coming but I still had the tears, the out loud sigh and the goosebumps.

    Kirsty (Shamozal)

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  21. ever so lovely. thanks for sharing it.
    Lou

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  22. Some things don't need explanation..they just are.

    What a wonderful experience for you, Kerri.

    XX

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  23. I have shivers. Something very similarly magical happened after my aunty passed away years ago.

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  24. Caroline OveringtonDecember 17, 2010 at 3:50 PM

    God bless you, lovely lady. We will all meet again. x

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  25. Caroline OveringtonDecember 17, 2010 at 3:51 PM

    God bless you, lovely lady. We will all meet again. x

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  26. Thank you for sharing that. It is really special as I just lost a close friend last week and am feeling quite lost at the moment. Made me feel better.

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  27. I have shivers. Something very similarly magical happened after my aunty passed away years ago.

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  28. As the openly spooky/ esoteric person on here I will say that I do believe in life hereafter, karma, reincarnation etc etc

    And here's how I look at death - its like watching TV. When you change the channel and start watching channel 7 instead of 9.... 9 doesn't go off air, you just can't see it any more.

    I have no doubt your wonderful sister embraces and your family every day until she's ready to come back xo

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  29. Definitely magical, what a lovely story :)

    I had something similar happen a couple of years ago.

    My mum died from cancer when I was 18 after battling a couple of bouts of it, and before she went into hospital for the last time, she left a note in her bedside table, which my dad found the day after she died.

    It read, “Everybody dies. Some die young, and some die old. I’m going to die soon, but I’ve had my chance. You die, and then someone comes to take your place. Apart from being born, it’s the only thing in which we have no choice. When I’m dead, all I want is for you to remember me.”

    We all read it and cried and it was printed in the order of service for the funeral; from time to time I'd open up that booklet, read those words and have a little cry.

    Then, five and a half years later a friend gave me the book Captain Corelli’s Mandolin for my birthday, and I really struggled to get into it.

    I started and stopped about five times, and finally, about eight months later, I persevered and got to chapter 71, and discovered where those words my mum had left came from, it was a quote from Pelagia talking to young Iannis about death.

    It was a pretty incredible moment, suddenly and unexpectedly coming across the final words that my mum left us, right there in that book that I was given by a friend who never knew her, and that I so easily could have put down and never picked up again.

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  30. Wow. Covered in goosebumps. She is always there - you know that. A truly beautiful magic moment. xxx

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