November 2, 2010

'Ask Toddler' - A True Story

Tonight my family and I played a new game. Bored with charades (as we'd run out of shows and books that both my kids and husband and I knew) and not so keen on my 11 year old son's suggestion of a Family Maths Tournament (and no, I'm not joking, though I kind of wish I was), we decided to embark on something a bit different.

'Ask Toddler'.

Now, putting Toddler into the centre of our games is not a particularly radical concept. She tends to get there of her own volition, anyway. If we're playing Monopoly, she'll steal our money and run away. If we're playing Scrabble, she'll grab our letter tiles and fling them across the room. And if we're playing charades, she'll push us out of the way, and stand before us holding up the five fingers of one hand as her sole clue to the words "Spongebob Squarepants".

So it seemed to make sense just to cut out the middle man and make Toddler the epicentre of our activity.

The game began with Toddler climbing onto the coffee table (except that technically she was already on the coffee table in front of us). The rest of us sat on the couch in front of her, and began to fire questions in turn.

"Is the world going to end in 2012?" my nine year old daughter asked.

"No!" Toddler answered. "That's just on Total Dwama Island!"

"Oh." My daughter looked abashed. "Of course."

"What is the healthiest food in the world?" I asked.

"Apples!" Toddler said. Good! I like apples. I will keep that in mind.

"Who is the prettiest - you, your sister, your brother, Mummy or me?" asked my husband.

"My sister!" Toddler cried. My daughter looked pleased.

"And who is the most handsome?"

"My brudda!" she yelled. My son looked extremely chuffed.

"And who is the smartest?"

"MEEEE!" she practically screamed. We all cheered. She was right, of course.

Then it was my son's turn to ask a question.

"So, what do you prefer," he began...

"Purple things!" Toddler cried. Well, that was as good an answer as any, even if it wasn't to the question he'd been asking.

We took the game up a notch.

"Do you believe that God created the world in seven days," I asked, "or do you subscribe to the Big Bang theory?"

"Big Bang!" Toddler told me. Like, DUH. I swear I could almost see her roll her eyes.

"How many babies am I going to have?" asked my daughter eagerly.

"One!" pronounced Toddler with certainty.

"But someone told me I was going to have twins!" my daughter told her.

Toddler shook her head. "One baby. Just. One."

I decided it was time to ask the most important question of all. Toddler was clearly in Soothsayer mode. I knew that she was up to it.

I took a deep breath. "So... what is the meaning of life?"

Toddler stood on the coffee table, looked at us and raised her arms.

"You all just have to be happy!" she said.

It was an amazing moment. We all fell silent. And then, as one, the four of us burst out cheering. Toddler took a proud bow. It was a scene I will remember forever.

So if you ever need an answer to a question, feel free to ask my Toddler. It may not be the answer you're looking for, but the kid knows a thing or two about life.

26 comments:

  1. Toddlers for the winner!
    Seriously though-when push comes to shove toddlers have such fantastic insight, wisdom and clarity about what is truly important!
    They live in (and for) the moment.....and sometimes because of that they drive us truly mad.
    What a wonderful moment for all of you!
    And as usual written for us to enjoy too!
    THANKYOU!

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  2. Toddler is possibly my favourite person ever! So wise. So hilarious. I am in love with her.

    I will remember this game for when the stilted family games are flagging.

    Give her a bit kiss from me x

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  3. I think she's got it! A much better answer than 42 :)

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  4. What a classic! Purple and happy. It gets no better.

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  5. Take it from me - the Toddler does indeed know a thing or two about life. I love the Toddler

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  6. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

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  7. That sounds like a game you could play all night. Hilarious! Also a potential source of income for the family. Wrap a scarf around her head, plonk a crystal ball in front of her and set up a stand on market day :)

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  8. Well, it's obvious isn't it? Maybe The Toddler should take your son to The Penis Talk in your hubby's absence.

    The oracle hath spoken.

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  9. Thank you, Toddler. That is the best advice I've heard all year. ♥

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  10. I so love your Toddler :) and I am a totally besotted person with kids aged about 21/2 till 4 ish. It's the time when they "know it all" but can still be won over by a choccie!!
    Our 3y o grandson is something akin to your Toddler but is slightly less outgoing because he's the eldest - I suspect his sister of 13mos will be more in your gorgeous girl's
    League. All that aside, The World Need To Ask Toddler more questions:
    1. Will Barack Obama be a 1 term president?
    2. Does climate change exist?
    3. When will banks stop being greedy?
    4. What horse will win next year's Melbourne Cup?
    5. Why do women worry about what they look like?

    Look, that's just a sample. See how she goes..my only question to you, though Kerri how old will you "let her be known as any other name but Toddler?"

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  11. It's a known fact that a Toddler's brain matter is extracted from the mother, so as she gets wiser so you Kerri,will lose some of your brain cells and will in time, be as silly as me........

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  12. I love your Toddler! Brilliant advice.

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  13. Denyse,
    You are hilarious. I shall be sure to ask her all the questions in our next session and report back on the answers.
    As for her name... she is turning 3 on the 26th which is WAY too old to be called a Toddler. I am in a quandry! What next????
    K xxx

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  14. Gorgeous, gorgeous post. I just LOVE Toddler (but that's not an offer to adopt her. Or, indeed, babysit.) She sure sounsd pretty smart. Does she know anything about Syria?

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  15. that is the most adorable and amazing story! I was crying in awe of children's ability to simplify what adults cannot!

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  16. She is almost my twin!! My birthday is 30th. No wonder Toddler is clever- us Saggitarius girls have such gifts..especially talking, um we don't stop really.
    I know officially (who makes these things up?) Toddlers leave the 'Hood and become - Pre-Schoolers ..is she going to start anywhere for a day or two (or none because I think you would miss her too much & Lana would..you know, cry!!)
    I'm guessing that actually, next session - gotta be quick to get in before the 3rd birthday...you ask HER as she is all-knowing ... Love your work, lovely!! D xx

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  17. I adored your toddler before I read this post. Now I think I will simply have to steal her. I am so glad you have this ray of light in your life who as you so aptly once described as "owning us all." x

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  18. Kerri, this was a bloody beautiful blog post. Brava, oh Mighty Toddler!

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  19. Just be happy - as they say from the mouth of babes.

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  20. Please add what will next week's lotto numbers be to the list of questions to ask her!
    Love the post Kerri!
    Always entertaining!
    x

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  21. love it. just love it. will try it with my own toddler in about 6 months!
    as for what to call toddler in a few weeks.....preschooler is too long to type....you could refer to her by her first initial.....was she not named "boo" in your ajn stuff when she was smaller? i know it was one of the nicknames i had for T at the time, not sure if i picked the right one..... :)
    p.s pls ask her if i will ever have a girl.

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  22. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

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  23. Toddler is possibly my favourite person ever! So wise. So hilarious. I am in love with her.

    I will remember this game for when the stilted family games are flagging.

    Give her a bit kiss from me x

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  24. that is the most adorable and amazing story! I was crying in awe of children's ability to simplify what adults cannot!

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  25. That sounds like a game you could play all night. Hilarious! Also a potential source of income for the family. Wrap a scarf around her head, plonk a crystal ball in front of her and set up a stand on market day :)

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