September 19, 2010

Who Are You?

A long time ago, I read that 'You are what you think about all day long', and to me, that's as good description as any. What it means, then, is that at this very second I am a cup of coffee, my toddler's open-mouthed kiss, my computer's battery power, and the cute guy I just saw at the park.

However, these are just the things that are on my mind at this precise moment (in fact, they've already changed to the email I just received, the bit of orange caught in my tooth, and my toddler's squidgy smile).

On a more general note, what do I think about all day long? And, having asked that, what do you think about all day long? What thoughts define you as a person, separate you from me, make you who you are?

I've been trying to identify what I think about all day long, and it's surprisingly difficult. My thoughts are so familiar to me I can barely recognise I'm thinking them. It's also, obviously, very much a First World exercise. After all, if I was living in Bangladesh I'd be worried about making it through the day with enough food.

Still, it's an interesting exercise, so I'll give it a go. A list, in no particular order, and by no means comprehensive, of the things I think about.

Then maybe you can tell me yours.

- Am I a good mother?

- What happens in other people's marriages?

- Will my kids grow up to be happy adults?

- Will we be able to halt global warming?

- Will there ever be an end to the Middle East conflict?

- Does my late sister hear me when I talk to her?

- Is Nicole Kidman a fembot?

- How can I stop biting my nails?

- Why do people behave the way they do?

- Is there any such thing as ESP and if so, how can I use it?

- Will my book be a success?

- What does it mean to be a feminist?

- What would it be like to be filthy rich?

- What would it be like to be hugely famous?

- What would it have been like to live through the Holocaust?

- Will everything be okay?

25 comments:

  1. I love what you think about. I think about some of those myself. I think most about:

    - what it would be like to be a proper family with my kids
    - what it would be like to be able to sing so I give people goosebumps
    - what it would be like to be really organised and focussed
    - what it would be like to be homeless
    - why people are so cruel to each other
    - How I can come up with a way to have a super fit gorgeous body and still be able to eat as much chocolate as I like and not exercise.

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  2. Oh and I have one more comment ... you appear to have left the obvious off your list ... Simon Baker???

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  3. Seriously, i live the life of 6 people - me, husband, 4 children, that's before i even think about the house, cleaning, errands, cooking, schools . . . i do day dream in my drives & i think most of all i dream of retirement. I know, all this at 35 when my edlest is about to start high school & my youngest in year 2. I'm planning an early retirement fantasy with my husband. Then i can dream up more travel & clear thoughts.
    If it had to be "i am what i think about the most" well i think about the most - my husband. I'm hardly him, i'm a housewife & patchwork quilter, tad different to a soldier in a war zone??!! I mean, when the children riot after school there are no rules of engagement. Love Posie

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  4. I love 'will everything be ok?' That's my biggie. Along with am 'I a terrible mother' and 'why can't I stay on top of the housework when I'm a SAHM' :)
    BTW I didn't know I was what I thought about - I still thought that I was what i eat!!

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  5. What a marvellous thing to blog about! I had to think for a bit because all the little 'incidental' thoughts often get in the way of the 'big' thoughts, but right now this is me:

    - why are people so miserable all the time?
    - I just want my children to find their own kind of happy
    - I can't believe I have to pick that up again
    - do people raise their children to be bullies or are they disgraced when they find out they are?
    - I'm so lucky I met my husband
    - I wonder what my sisters are doing right now
    - how can I find more time to be creative?
    - I can't believe I have to talk to these silly wankers, but they're paying me so, sigh, I guess I have to
    - why do I eat all the time?
    - Imagine if you really could wave a magic wand and make everyone's wishes come true
    - What's this global warming thing really about then?
    - People really do seem to live their lives like it's a weird dream or something.

    That's probably about it. I never said I plumbed the depths now, did I!?! x

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  6. I had to go away and think about what I think about, if you know what I mean. But of course you do.
    I think about:

    What do I need to put on my list for this week ahead?
    Why didn't I start therapy sooner?
    When will my kids stop telling me their every thought? (because I will miss it)
    Will I ever finish writing this manuscript?
    What should I cook for dinner?
    Why aren't fairies real?
    What should I write in my column for this week?
    When we die what really happens to us?
    Will I survive the renovations?
    Will Kerri like the homage to her in my new kitchen?

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  7. Wow, great responses so far, especially liked Maxabellas Miserable people, I too wonder about that.

    Um here goes:

    - Will we ever finish this house
    - Will work come good for Phil or will we have to start looking at relocation.
    - Should we just book a holiday to the Sunshine Coast and hang the expense
    - Should I stop being fucking stupid considering the first two issues I have.
    - If we move will Sam make new friends, will he be teased.
    - Will people get the shits with me if I do sponsored blog posts on my blog.
    - Will my 3 year old ever calm down.
    - How will I make sure I never lose the creases IN THESE FUCKING AMAZING NEW JEANS I HAVE.

    Thanks Kerri,

    Brilliant Idea xx

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  8. I tend to get stuck on the last one - 'will everything be okay?'...And now I'm also wondering if Bern has the whole walnut thing going on with those creasey jeans.

    PS: Of course your book will sell. What's to wonder?

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  9. Some fabulous thoughts here.

    I mostly think about:
    Why can't I just do what I need to do to fix my marriage?
    How can I be more patient with my kids?
    How do I find my passion and inspiration?
    Will we be able to buy the house we want?
    What will I do when it's time to go back to work?
    and why can't we win lotto? (apparently buying tickets is a big part of this. Who knew?)

    Great idea for a post!

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  10. I don't think about anything. My mind is blank. That's why I'm on Twitter......

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  11. Great post Kerri! I spend a lot of my day thinking.

    - What can I do to make my new business more successful?

    - Why am I stuck in a windowless office when all I want to do is be at home, making my business work?

    - Oh that's right. I need a full time income or I can't pay the rent.

    - Is going back to teaching next year truly a good solution? I know I need the security/paid holidays/maternity leave (maybe) but...

    - If I have another child - will they have Aspergers too? Could I raise another Aspergers child?

    - Am *I* really on the ASD spectrum or am I wasting my psychologists time? What if I don't have Aspergers? What if I'm just weird? Then I'll have no-one to blame for my weirdness but myself.

    - Do I spend enough time with my daughter? Am I too hard on her sometimes?

    - How on earth is she going to cope with high school in 2012? She barely copes in Grade 6. Maybe I should keep her down a year...

    - How many kilojoules have I consumed today? I shouldn't have had two glasses of wine last night...

    - For someone who has wanted to sit down for hours and compose amazing music, I've spent most of the time making excuses as to why I can't...

    - That's it. I'm going to write a song.

    - It'll be crap. My mind is too busy right now. Maybe later.

    - Is it time to go home yet?


    Wow. That was really self-centred wasn't it? Kind of pathetic.

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  12. I'll start saving NOW to buy your book.. I don't buy many that aren't midwifery or nursing based.. But I'm sure I can claim it on tax somehow.... I don't know what it's about yet.. but you'll help me come up with something.. I know u will....

    What do I think about?
    - Did I pass that assignment?
    - Do I have to work out what to eat for dinner?
    - Will I ever find a man who wants to love me that I can love back?
    - Am I a disappointment?
    - Can I do better than that?
    - When uni finishes I am going to
    - I should go to the gym
    - I shouldn't eat that, I've lost so much weight I need to keep focussed.
    - Where will I live?
    - I need to work on that assignment
    - I'm lucky

    There's just a snapshot.... Thanx Kerri.. ALWAYS a brilliant post from you!! xxxx

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  13. - What would it be like to be a single parent.
    - Would it really hurt my children that much to divorce him?
    - Maybe I'm over reacting.
    - Wonder if he will read that SMS I just sent during a work meeting.
    - Maybe I should have waited until I was calmer, don't text angry.
    - I'm going to kill him.


    After bringing my hysterical 7yo home from a farewell party for her best friend who is moving to Sydney. 7yo asked for a movie to watch quietly and when we turned the computer movie program on some rather graphic pornography that my husband had obviously been watching flashed on screen. My 7yo does not need to see close ups of anyones genitalia. Yeah I'm rather angry and he's been told to remove it all from the networked hard drives.

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  15. What I think about most days:

    - Is this normal in a relationship?

    - Will dinner turn out okay?

    - Will my uterus and dodgy kidney ever stop giving me grief?

    - Should I start the 5ft high pile of ironing or scrub the shower?

    - Will my mini dachshund ever stop being a pain in the backside nd become the adorable dog he is only when he's asleep?

    - Why isn't it acceptable for a woman to be a traditional housewife (with no kids) anymore?

    - Why isn't anyone happy that my partner has an amazing job opportunity that requires us to move to Melbourne?

    - Did my darling boyfriend really just say that even though we've been together over 5 years and agreed a long time ago that a wedding just isn't really our thing, he still wants to marry me one day in a quiet little ceremony somewhere beautiful with just the two of us. (This was revealed to me yesterday and has been the most suprising thing he's ever said to me!)

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  16. -How can I do everything I want to do?
    -Why does it take so long to get anywhere?
    -Or am I really only going backwards?
    -if only I had a maid then I might get on top of things
    -Are people really as happy as they say they are?

    Good exercise!!
    K xo.

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  17. Things I think about tend to be the same nearly every day:

    - How can I make my business succeed?

    - How can I find the time to make my business succeed when I'm stuck at work all week

    - Will my kids turn out ok or am I stuffing them up somehow?

    - How many hours till wine o'clock?

    - How much I loathe the rushed dinner-bath-bed routine with my kids (I hate the rushed working week)

    - How can I lose 10kilos without investing much time or effort?

    - If we will have a 3rd child due to money and sanity reasons

    - How I wish I still had my dad around

    - How thankful I am for a healthy and happy family

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  18. Great topic. Just a few that have occupied various nooks and crannies of my mind today are:

    Can I really do this teaching gig?
    What will happen to my daughter if I get hit by a bus?
    Why don't KFC deliver?
    Am I strange for preferring instant coffee to barista-creations?
    What happens when we die?
    Where are my car keys?
    Why oh WHY did they cancel Stargate SG1?

    Lordy - that's depressing, really!

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  19. just a few thoughts for you :)
    1) who's playing football in that old match on the tv
    2) what to have on our pizza for tea
    3) will my wife ever stop looking at the rings i bought and we picked up for her today
    4) can my little girl breathe with her face mushed against my chest
    5) should i look up those insurance quotes i need

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  20. Great topic! Mine are all quite self serving for the time being...

    *Is my fringe doing that thing I hate today?
    *When will I work out what I want to do with my life?
    *What have I done in the past week that I may have fucked up due to my lack of interest in my current job?
    *Why won't this wedding plan itself?
    *Will I have to nag Fiance to do his wedding tasks in a timely manner? Or will he have done them and then chuck a tantrum when I check in?
    *How much am I going to have to minimise my drinking at the wedding to keep from ending up sobbing in the toilets about the fact my mum's not around to see me get married?
    *Is my view really that skewed about how much housework Fiance does?
    *Will I ever be rid of my credit card debt?
    *Will the girl who sits next to me think I'm weird if I have Japanese for lunch again today?
    *How close is it until lunch/home time?
    *Why the hell did I stay up so late reading my book last night?

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  21. Who am I? As a philosopher, this question is irresistible.
    ~ When will I have enough time to write?
    ~ How lucky I am to have Robert and Benedict
    ~ When will the property settlement be over so we are be able to buy a house?
    ~ Will Benedict ever slept through the night?
    ~ Why can't I get everything done?
    ~ Will I be able to write philosophy again?
    ~ Will I learn to give myself a break?
    ~ Motherhood is the making of me - yes it is.
    ~ How lucky I am to have lovely friends
    ~ Alternatives to going back to work that will better meet my ambitions.

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  22. Who am I? Apart from the person who occasionally tries to make witty comments on Twitter?

    These are common thoughts ...

    - I'm hungry
    - why is life so hard
    - I really shouldn't sit with my legs crossed, isn't that supposed to be bad for the circulation?
    - how can I save my marriage?
    - do I want to save my marriage?
    - must go for a run
    - must write those programs for my clients
    - oooh Twitter ... will just check one more time to see what's happening
    - what time is it, how much longer can I stuff about on Twitter ...
    - I wish Summer would hurry up already and get here
    - so much to do, can't be arsed doing any of it
    - so many good friends giving me support at the moment, love them

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  23. I'm neurotic. So I think things like this:

    - am I damaging my baby irreparably by leaving him for two secs to go to the bathroom while he's crying
    - should I be playing with him more/less
    - should he be sleeping more/less
    - should I buy him more/less toys
    - what will happen to my career as baby grows?
    - when he's older, should I be a stay at home Mum?
    - when he's older, should I get a nanny and go back to work?
    ... and so on. Sigh.

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  24. Wow I love this post!
    Interesting question about the Holocaust. Read 'Man's Search for Meaning' by Viktor Frankl (I just reviewed it on my blog! Awesome timining!)

    Some of my thoughts
    - I think too much
    - What is he/she thinking about?
    - Should i eat more cake? yes of course
    - My muscles are sore
    - I have to get this assignment done already
    - Who am I and who am I becoming?
    - ldkgmslkmlvkmcvklxclknvlsdf

    Yep, that last point is quite an accurate transcription of my thoughts.

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  25. Great post Kerri! I spend a lot of my day thinking.

    - What can I do to make my new business more successful?

    - Why am I stuck in a windowless office when all I want to do is be at home, making my business work?

    - Oh that's right. I need a full time income or I can't pay the rent.

    - Is going back to teaching next year truly a good solution? I know I need the security/paid holidays/maternity leave (maybe) but...

    - If I have another child - will they have Aspergers too? Could I raise another Aspergers child?

    - Am *I* really on the ASD spectrum or am I wasting my psychologists time? What if I don't have Aspergers? What if I'm just weird? Then I'll have no-one to blame for my weirdness but myself.

    - Do I spend enough time with my daughter? Am I too hard on her sometimes?

    - How on earth is she going to cope with high school in 2012? She barely copes in Grade 6. Maybe I should keep her down a year...

    - How many kilojoules have I consumed today? I shouldn't have had two glasses of wine last night...

    - For someone who has wanted to sit down for hours and compose amazing music, I've spent most of the time making excuses as to why I can't...

    - That's it. I'm going to write a song.

    - It'll be crap. My mind is too busy right now. Maybe later.

    - Is it time to go home yet?


    Wow. That was really self-centred wasn't it? Kind of pathetic.

    ReplyDelete

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