You will not believe the day I had yesterday.
I woke up at ten(yes, TEN) in the morning, feeling outstanding. My husband had left a note on our bedroom door: "Have taken the kids to school, thought I'd let you sleep in as you looked so tired xxx". How divine was that?
I stretched, got up out of bed, walked into the bathroom, and splashed water on my face. As I looked at myself in the mirror, something seemed different. Subtle, but different. I looked... balanced. More attractive. Less... lopsided. It was...
MY EAR!!! Oh. My. God. Somehow, overnight, my one protruding ear had flattened to my head. It was like a plastic surgeon had snuck into my room overnight and pinned it back, except that there were no stiches, no scars, and it wasn't at all sore. It just looked magnificent.
I flipped it and flapped it a couple of times but it stayed nice and flat. It was a miracle. A bizarre miracle. I ran downstairs and called my friend Karen, a doctor, who told me that these things can, rarely, occur, and that I should feel lucky and enjoy my new look. Lucky? I felt bloody ecstatic.
I ran back upstairs and showered and dressed. I noticed that my jeans were a bit loose, so I stepped on the scales. I'd lost weight! In fact, I was a good couple of kilos below my ideal weight, so I made a mental note to eat a lot over the next couple of days to get back up to a healthy weight range. Didn't seem like much of a problem to me.
Half an hour later I was at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper and eating my third piece of Nutella toast when the phone rang.
"Is that Kerri Sackville?" asked an unfamiliar male voice.
"Yes, that's me. Who is this?" I asked.
"Kerri, it's Mark Jensen from Westfield Bondi Junction. How are you?" he asked.
I panicked. Had I forgotten to pay a bill? Pick up a layby? Pick up a child? Had I unwittingly stolen something from a store? Caused wilful damage? Left too big a mess in a changeroom?
"Good," I answered, cautiously.
"Kerri, I'm happy to inform you that you've won our Shopper Of The Year competition! Congratulations!"
I was stunned. "Really? What does that mean?"
"Well," he said, "are you sitting down?"
"Yes," I told him, standing up.
"You've won a $10,000 shopping voucher to Westfield! To spend on anything you like!"
My head started spinning and my (flat) ears began to ring. "Are you serious?" I asked.
"Yes I am," he said.
"So what's the catch?"
"When can I pick it up?"
"This morning. In fact, if you don't mind being photographed for the local newspaper, we'll pick you up in a limo and transport you to and from the store for your first shopping expedition."
I could barely speak. "I... I..."
Mark Jensen seemed to take that as uncertainty.
"I'll throw in lunch and a movie for you and three of your friends?"
"Five of your friends. And free manicures afterwards."
I snorted coffee out of my nose. "Deal," I spluttered.
So that's how I came to be in a limo yesterday, with five of my girlfriends, on my way to buy $10,000 worth of clothes for me and my flat ear. In a size six. After lunch, a movie, and a manicure. Heaven.
It was unbelievable. Like, seriously unbelievable. Which of course is not surprising, as it didn't really happen. Yesterday, like every other day, I got up early, dropped the kids to school, came home, worked, did housework, picked the kids up, and kept juggling all those balls, as I do every day, whilst my left ear stuck out at a 70 degree angle, and I strained the seams of my pants.
But it could happen. Any day now.
And if not, well, at least it's fun thinking about it...