I needed Mothers Day. I mean, I would have needed Mothers Day anyway, but after a shopping expedition to Coles with two children in tow and a Toddler who had missed her daytime nap after falling asleep for 120 seconds in the car, during which expedition said Toddler became hysterical because I wouldn't buy her a dummy* and screamed for 15 minutes straight and then vomited all over both of us...... well ANYWAY, I really, really needed some pampering.
Mothers Day began on Sunday night with some negotiation. "What time can we wake you up, Mum?" my big kids asked.
"Midday," I told them.
"Six o'clock?" they asked.
"11. It's my final offer."
So eventually we settled on eight am and everyone was happy**. And right on 7.45am, I heard them stomping up the stairs.
"Mu-um! Mu-um! Mu-um!!!" they chanted. I stretched, opened my eyes, and there they were. My three gorgeous kids, laden with gifts, followed by their father carrying a breakfast tray of cold toast and cottage cheeese, a sliced orange, and a glass of Berocca***.
They set the tray on the bed, whereupon Toddler began to eat my orange and my daughter licked the cottage cheese from my toast. Then I was presented with my cards. A beautiful card from my son, made at school, thanking me for all I have done, especially 'buying me a Wii'. A sincere effort from Toddler, involving a scribble on a piece of paper torn from an exercise book. And a crumpled up card from my daughter, retrieved from the bin after she decided it 'wasn't good enough' and threw it away in a fit of pique.
And then it was time for gifts.
Ah, the gifts.
Firstly, there were the gifts the kids had bought at a recent street fair. A cute little pendant on a slim black leather bracelet from my daughter, which I adore. And a thick, red, woven leather bangle from my son, which I appreciate was bought with great love and sincerity. And from Toddler, a rock, which was not bought at the street fair, but was actually picked up from the street, which is even more special.
Then there were the gifts from the school stalls. A free-trade handbag from my daughter, adorned with colourful applique pigeons****. And from my son, a tray, which is the most delightful tray one could possibly imagine (and believe me, trays can be absolutely delightful), and a lovely picture frame, using 'lovely' in the sense that my grandma would use it.
But wait... there's more!
Because my brilliant children had also decorated two boxes for me with the help of their grandmother; plywood boxes with numerous helpful compartments that I shall use to store things that require storage in compartments in plywood boxes. You know. Like string. And paper clips. And the rock that Toddler gave me.
So that was Mothers Day. Beautiful gifts, beautiful children, and a great deal to be thankful for (particularly that no-one tried to make me coffee).
To all you mums out there, I wish you every good fortune and smooth sailing on this crazy journey you are on.
And if anyone wants a thick, red, woven leather bangle, well.... sorry. It's never leaving my wrist.
*And this child has NEVER had a dummy in her life. I think she thinks they are some cool accessory that goes in the mouth. You know. Like a tongue stud.
** Except for me. I wanted to sleep in till lunchtime.
***Thank GOD they hadn't attempted to make coffee. Last year's effort was utterly woeful and I had to tip it down the sink when no-one was looking.
****And regular readers of this column will know how I feel about colourful applique pigeons. Oh no you won't. I've never thought of them in my life.