March 31, 2010

Wee Wee Witchery

Let the record state: I love shopping. It pleases me. Enormously. It soothes me, when nothing else will. I love shopping even more than I love the things I buy.

And when I've had a particularly bad few weeks (using 'weeks' in the sense of 'days', or even 'hours'), I crave shopping like I crave oxygen. Only it's a little bit more expensive.

So this is how I found myself at Witchery yesterday afternoon, with 20 minutes to spare, a scabby toddler under one arm, and a sense of hope in my heart.

It had been a long couple of weeks. First Toddler landed in hospital overnight. Then she got a severe bout of chicken pox, despite being immunised (yes, I can hear the gods laughing at me as I type). THEN she scratched all her pox, so that they became infected, and we needed to feed her anti-biotics, which made her vomit, all over me, and the carpet, several fun-filled times.

I needed to shop.

Now, as Toddler was attached to me 24/7, this was impossible. However, when I found myself driving past Witchery in between a doctor's appointment and picking up my son, I had to grab the opportunity. I don't normally shop at Witchery. It's not a shop that is on my radar. But my friend Mia had been raving about it, raving of bargains and endless delights, and the tantalising promise of joy that lay within was so tempting I had to investigate. I parked and hauled Toddler inside.

The first thing that Toddler did was plonk herself down on a stool in the corner and insist that I did the same. This was marvellous, as quite obviously the ideal thing to do in a clothes shop is to sit in a corner looking at the clothes, without being able to touch or try them.

Eventually I coerced Toddler into allowing me to rise by giving her a pile of scarves to play with. The sales assistants displayed remarkable fortitude, which is why I decided to buy a very nice cardigan. (The fact that it was a very nice cardigan helped too.)

I picked Toddler up and carried her on my hip to the counter, which was Mistake Number One. Approaching the register, I felt the familiar warmth spreading across my hip, like a comforting hot water bottle, only discomfortingly wet. Mistake Number Two was panicking, not putting Toddler down to wee on Witchery's floor (which would have been their Regret Number Huge, but would have probably saved my top), and letting the wee seep right through my clothes.

Happily, the nice sales assistants (who, from their youth and rather shocked faces were probably not parents themselves) allowed me to take Toddler to their private bathroom, which provided extra amusement when Toddler knocked over a giant pile of packing boxes on the way in. They also sensibly suggested that I buy a lovely new T-shirt to change into - so sensibly that I immediately decided to buy it. (The fact that it was quite lovely helped too.)

So now I have a beautiful new cardigan, which I probably didn't need, and a cute new T-shirt, which I really didn't need, and a wee wee top, which I certainly didn't need, and a memory of humiliation, which will stay with me forever.

Thanks chicken pox. I blame it all on you.

And Mia. Next time, just tell me to recycle.

19 comments:

  1. Ah, Witchery, ah, wee, ah, toddlers. My advice for now? Shop online.
    And amidst the humour don't doubt for a second I know you are IN HELL right now. There has clearly been a plague on at least one of your houses.
    Recover soon Sackvilles x

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  2. Oh you poor thing! I am always convinced that this is going to happen to me while I'm out. I've even started packing a spare top just in case...

    Take care.

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  3. You got me...so far. I am happy to say that the wee machine has not (yet) used me as a personal sponge for all things that should be kept to toilet time. But it is early days, I mean, we've only been potty training this one for over twelve months. I have my fingers crossed that all this hassle is the Universe's way of balancing things out...because you will soon be winning a huge Lotto draw or Simon Baker will be asking you to move in with him or something. xo

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  4. Shopping with a toddler is never fun. I was embarrassed in Esprit the other day when my toddler threw a massive tantrum, but you make that seem tame... I'm sure you're so happy about that...

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  5. http://www.witchery.com.au/

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  6. I had the wee sensation walking back to the bus to take me back to the hotel on holidays. Fine as we were heading home, not so fine when overzealous bus driver tried to help me onto the bus & didn't understand why i was clinging to my child so firmly. Confused & exhausted 3 y.o. screamed "i have done a wee" let go of me. Happens to the best of us, love Posie

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  7. am with seraphim - on line - on line - on line...mine now just stand and yell loudly about how bored they are, or in sons case - why do we have to look at BRAS...even when we aren't...
    ah yes, being weed on - the son excelled at that - bypassing the nappy and all...how do they do that? and the looks on other peoples faces (even the grandparents) what I found amazing was my lack of disgust...off topic...
    you have been through hell and deserve many hugs.

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  8. PS i bought some great tops in the Witchery Sale after Christmas & i had my 4 children vaccinated but they still got chicken pox, a MUCH lighter dose than their unvaccinated friends!! No scary ones in untoward places & they weren't scratching themselves to death either. I did notice the shorter amount of time they had the vaccine, the larger dose, my eldest had it in her system the longest & barely had a fever or any spots. Chicken pox is part of life, love Posie

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  9. And the upside to having children is? There is an upside, isn't there? Oh yes, they look after you in your dotage. If they have time.........

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  10. Product placement much??

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  11. Anon,
    How funny! Yes, product placement lots, because... well... I was actually in Witchery, paying real (if slightly wet) money for my clothes.
    Sadly, though, Witchery did not pay me for this blog. Even more sadly, I don't believe they know that this blog - or I - even exist.
    But thanks SO much for the compliment. If only I was paid for this little bloggie - even with a cardigan and t-shirt - I'd be a very happy girl.

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  12. Ah, yes. This is the exact reason I'm sticking with the Huggies Pull-Ups for the 3yo for the time being.

    And, ah, no, Anon - I wasn't paid by Huggies to write that. Unfortunately.

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  13. Oh dear. You poor thing, what a horrible experience. But you did end up with a lovely new cardigan!

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  14. Bloody kids! Bloody wee!

    Bloody bloody!

    I'd blame the damned chicken pox, too!

    Still, you got nice stuff that you didn't need, which you wouldn't have if you weren't weed on .. I think.

    That's how I shop anyway.

    I don't do online ... if I did, I'd never speak to another human adult. Nor buy nice tops I don't need ....

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  15. It doesn't rain, it hails poo pellets sometimes. And BTW, if you are going to product place, I would start higher. Next time, make sure you have to nick into a BMW dealership or Oroton for gods sakes. ;0 And, until I read this, I had forgotten about that lovely warm spread of wee. Thanks for the memories. Love your work xx

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  16. Wow.
    That is one embarrassing moment.
    I loved how you wrote it.

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  17. Even with the well placed clue in the title, I still got nervous and thought the worst when you said you felt a 'hot water bottle' sensation seeping through your top - so on that note, lets say you were lucky!

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  18. Oh you poor thing! I am always convinced that this is going to happen to me while I'm out. I've even started packing a spare top just in case...

    Take care.

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  19. You got me...so far. I am happy to say that the wee machine has not (yet) used me as a personal sponge for all things that should be kept to toilet time. But it is early days, I mean, we've only been potty training this one for over twelve months. I have my fingers crossed that all this hassle is the Universe's way of balancing things out...because you will soon be winning a huge Lotto draw or Simon Baker will be asking you to move in with him or something. xo

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