March 8, 2010

To B Or Not To B

Originally published in the AJN

The other day I spoke to an old friend of mine, a plastic surgeon I have known since childhood (when he wasn’t a plastic surgeon yet....er....obviously....).

We speak every few years and it was great to catch up. We talked about work, our kids, our spouses, and our lives, his in Melbourne, mine in Sydney. And all was fine. Until he said it.

The B word.

No, not ‘bum’ (although he did say ‘anus’ when discussing a particular surgical procedure, and no, I’m not going to reiterate that particular conversation).

It was Botox.

My friend injects a lot of Botox into a lot of people, as, one assumes, many plastic surgeons do. I had asked him about it, just to, you know, be polite, and... well.... to find who he’d injected it into (which, totally unreasonably, he refused to disclose).

I expressed my disinterest in having Botox myself. I was, I explained, perfectly content with my appearance, and very comfortable with the aging process. My friend smiled knowingly (or at least, he sounded like he was smiling knowingly; I couldn’t actually see him over the phone) and told me to call him when I changed my mind.

I rolled my eyes (he couldn’t see me, but I did) and said I wouldn’t change my mind. And I meant it. Until I hung up the phone.

Inexplicably, I found myself heading to the bathroom, and examining myself in the mirror. And it was not good. Though ten minutes earlier I had felt quite good about myself, suddenly I could see that I desperately needed work. Botox between the brows. Botox around the mouth. Botox around the eyes. Botox wherever Botox could go.

And not just Botox. Oh no. I needed a full surgical overhaul. Eye lift. Neck lift. Full facial rejuvenation (whatever that actually means). Get my sticky-out left ear finally pinned back. And hey, that’s just what I needed above the neck.

Now, my friend didn’t actually tell me I needed Botox. After all, we haven’t met in person for close to 11 years, so he really has no idea how (fabulously well, or is it hideously poorly?) I’ve aged. But that wasn’t the point. It was the option that had suddenly been presented to me, a tantalising opportunity to change what I had always accepted about myself.

Suddenly, I found myself examining the faces of strangers in the street, checking them for telltale signs of Botoxian Enhancement (which, if you’re interested, consist of ‘having fewer wrinkles than me’). Some of them clearly did (although the ones in school uniforms very possibly could have been teenagers). And it all seemed so unfair. Because now, it didn’t matter if I looked brilliant for my age. All I could aim for was to look brilliant for my age ‘for someone who hasn’t had Botox’. Well great. So that’s why I’ve been slathering sunscreen on all these years.

Still, I’m staying resolute in my decision. It’s not that I think I won’t like Botox. Quite the opposite. I’m frightened of the slippery slope: that it’ll be Botox one day, breast enlargement and cheek implants the next, and before you know it I’ll be starring on Real Housewives of Dover Heights.

And besides, I still look really good for my age.

You wouldn’t believe I’m 65, right?

Would you do Botox? Do you do Botox?

20 comments:

  1. I don't think I would... But who knows what I will say in another 30 years.
    My opinion on myself is to not have any cosmetic surgery on my face. I just don't like the thought of it.
    I do worry that I will one day look a lot older than my younger partner esp now that I have some wrinkles appearing.
    But for now sticking to the daily anti-wrinkle cream that I have been using since my teens to "delay the process". I do see people my age who have used nothing, and no sun cream and never wear sunnies and their face is a lot more aged then mine so I know I'm doing something right so far!

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  2. I read an interview recently with an actress (I can't for the life of me remember her name!), who said she wouldn't get plastic surgery because people who did didn't necessarily look better, they just looked like they got plastic surgery! This stuck a chord with me.

    But I'll tell you, as I age, I go through these same questions as you! So far, nothing! But later, who knows?!

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  3. No Botox, no plastic surgery, just me getting old gleefully. I plan on being a hideous old crone one day. And LIKING it. I don't even care that I have many wrinkles at 36 (and I do), and grey hairs around my face (I do that too). Because I don't want to pay even lip service to this absurd notion that people can or should stay "young" forever. Balderdash to that.

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  4. I haven't had it, but I can't rule it out. I mean, ask me in 10 years...Let's be honest, I may have to go to extremes to keep my hot young gardener looking my way! ;)

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  5. No Botox for me - I agree with Anything Fits a Naked Man's friend (and her name for that matter) that people who've had Botox just look like people who've had Botox.

    I also agree with Kerri that I'd be sliding rapidly down a slippery slope if I began - for starters, I'd like my boobs dragged back up to where they were before breastfeeding.

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  6. Nope.

    The idea of putting something like Botox in to my body freaks me out, quite frankly.

    Each to their own. I know women who have a little in their forehead and look fine, but when they tell me about the headaches they get after doing it...well...I just can't go there.

    Just like your conversation with your friend, I have been given food for thought by a plastic surgeon, except that this one was an auther. I like biographies, and once read a book called "Confessions of a Park Avenue Plastic Surgeon." If you want to keep feeling good about yourself, DON'T READ IT!!

    Lots of info about what goes first on a woman (the neck) and how this surgeon can't help but analyse what work could be done to each new person he meets. After reading it, I saw things in my face I hadn't noticed before. And, to be honest, on others too.

    I have a lot of laugh lines around my eyes I'm not overly keen on - but I've reasoned they just mean I'm happy a lot.

    Don't you, um, think?

    And I agree with the whole starting something, and getting carried away. Last year I had a very large mole removed from my right ear, as well as a small one removed from beside my left nostril (it looked like a pimple). I can't tell you how amazing a job the plastic surgeon did. Esp the one on my ear - you would never know it had been there.

    After that, I started looking at another mole on my chest. Had never, ever worried about it for. But started thinking...'hmmm, maybe I should have gotten that one done too...'

    You're gorgeous as you are. I'm not 40 yet, and I think you look much younger than me.

    Which is annoying...but true...dammit.

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  7. I haven't had Botox, in the same way that Nicole hasn't had it. If I was still in the crumpet pulling business, I would definitely get tightened up. I'd have a chin lift ,get the bags done, and get rid of those character lines in my forehead. The fact that I'm too old to pull anyone younger than Joan Rivers, is neither here nor there.....

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  8. No way! Botox is a poison! I don't want that poison willingly pumped into my body. And plus, it looks very unnatural. Not for me. Definitately x

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  9. Hell Yes I botox! And I LOVE it. I haven't done anything else as a result, but I will someday. Botox and fillers are wonderful ways to gentle the aging process. I am 51 and have two little girls. I don't like for people to think I am their mum. I die my hair and use sunscreen and keep that botox coming!

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  10. Mmm, I always said I would age gracefully no matter what and not subject myself to the pressure of staying young. Well, that was until I tried to photoshop the wrinkles from my forehead just so that I can publish the photo on Facebook! I would love to Botox, but realistically, probably not. The idea of the tiny needle + pain....nope, can't do it! (But still open to the idea of a surgical safari...)

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  11. My father-in-law is a plastic surgeon. As soon as people find out they look suspicious - and if they ask and I say no, they say: but why? Dunno, just haven't, don't want to. Although I did ask for lipo the other day and he told me not to be stupid and do some sit ups...

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  12. First up, love the comment from the daughter-in-law of plastic surgeon, ha ha ha, i think that is more a father-in-law comment than a doctor's opinion though!!
    Oh, look, i have gorgeous husband & 4 very attractive children, 3 of whom have been blessed with his olive skin, so they will no doubt cruise through life (facially) & age beautifully. The pale faced one (she's not red indian) is stunning & can spend hours looking at herself in the mirror so i am sure she'll use every suitable cream to ward of aging which comes naturally to her siblings.
    I just turned 35, feeling fine & honestly never really think about aging as i think everyone is 35 too. Next year as a high school mum, i'm sure i'll be checking other parents out more. Regardless of how i look, i act young yet am assumed to be older as i did 2 degrees & had 4 children. I try to explain i did it all in my 20s but everyone thinks i'm older regardless. I know how i feel on the inside, silly & still young. Best of all, my husband will ALWAYS be 4 years older than me!! Love Posie

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  13. I hope the insidious seeping of the "OK-ness" of botox, surgically tweaking your appearance and popping it in the same box as dyeing you hair doesn't wear me down because I do find it all very very WRONG. If I hear another woman justify it with the "it made me feel better about myself" line I will personally take them along to a burns unit for a bit of a slap in their sadly, misguided faces.
    It also concerns me that the children of botoxed parents are being raised without ever experiencing all the MINUTE facial expressions and movements that teach us to be able to read human feelings and emotions. Not to mention the millions of fake boobs our kids are exposed to, so that when they get to see natural, real ones they will get the shock of their lives!
    Have a look at these...the 1st 5 no botox or work the 2nd 5 HEAPS
    Surely they say it all? http://www.flickr.com/photos/mbcontessa/sets/72157623453317241/

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  14. Kerry, stay away from Botox- it's expensive, it's poison, it has to be repeated every few months, and to my eye it looks unnatural and homogenous. Here's my tip instead: marry a man significantly older than you. My husband has 7 years on me, and I'm now realising what a masterstroke of planning (using 'planning' in the sense of 'luck') that was- he still calls me The Child-bride, and is too busy focusing on his own wrinkles to worry about mine. Sure, he'll probably die decades before me, leaving me lonely and bereft, but I'll look younger than him when he does. ;)

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  15. Hi Kerry,
    Definitely NO! I am also turning 40 this year and have had my fair share of sunshine without sunscreen in my younger years (not these days) but can't stomach the idea of willingly injecting poison or needles anywhere near my face. I am woosy enough when it comes the the flu jab!

    p.s. Frankly Feisty That flickr link was amazing

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  16. I'm absolutely pro-Botox and anything else that makes you feel good about yourself, providing there are no deep-seated issues that are better dealt with through therapy. In fact, I had my Botox redone yesterday.

    I'm your newest follower - I found you over at Thea's. Great blog - I look forward to reading more!

    www.kellyansapansa.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  17. Kerry, stay away from Botox- it's expensive, it's poison, it has to be repeated every few months, and to my eye it looks unnatural and homogenous. Here's my tip instead: marry a man significantly older than you. My husband has 7 years on me, and I'm now realising what a masterstroke of planning (using 'planning' in the sense of 'luck') that was- he still calls me The Child-bride, and is too busy focusing on his own wrinkles to worry about mine. Sure, he'll probably die decades before me, leaving me lonely and bereft, but I'll look younger than him when he does. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Mmm, I always said I would age gracefully no matter what and not subject myself to the pressure of staying young. Well, that was until I tried to photoshop the wrinkles from my forehead just so that I can publish the photo on Facebook! I would love to Botox, but realistically, probably not. The idea of the tiny needle + pain....nope, can't do it! (But still open to the idea of a surgical safari...)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Nope.

    The idea of putting something like Botox in to my body freaks me out, quite frankly.

    Each to their own. I know women who have a little in their forehead and look fine, but when they tell me about the headaches they get after doing it...well...I just can't go there.

    Just like your conversation with your friend, I have been given food for thought by a plastic surgeon, except that this one was an auther. I like biographies, and once read a book called "Confessions of a Park Avenue Plastic Surgeon." If you want to keep feeling good about yourself, DON'T READ IT!!

    Lots of info about what goes first on a woman (the neck) and how this surgeon can't help but analyse what work could be done to each new person he meets. After reading it, I saw things in my face I hadn't noticed before. And, to be honest, on others too.

    I have a lot of laugh lines around my eyes I'm not overly keen on - but I've reasoned they just mean I'm happy a lot.

    Don't you, um, think?

    And I agree with the whole starting something, and getting carried away. Last year I had a very large mole removed from my right ear, as well as a small one removed from beside my left nostril (it looked like a pimple). I can't tell you how amazing a job the plastic surgeon did. Esp the one on my ear - you would never know it had been there.

    After that, I started looking at another mole on my chest. Had never, ever worried about it for. But started thinking...'hmmm, maybe I should have gotten that one done too...'

    You're gorgeous as you are. I'm not 40 yet, and I think you look much younger than me.

    Which is annoying...but true...dammit.

    ReplyDelete
  20. No Botox for me - I agree with Anything Fits a Naked Man's friend (and her name for that matter) that people who've had Botox just look like people who've had Botox.

    I also agree with Kerri that I'd be sliding rapidly down a slippery slope if I began - for starters, I'd like my boobs dragged back up to where they were before breastfeeding.

    ReplyDelete

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