- My son's outfit. Being a dressy occasion, I insisted my son change out of his 'Surfers Are Bad Dudes' top and put on something a little nicer - in this case, the white Ralph Lauren tee that has languished in his wardrobe since my mum bought it for him. Now a size too small, it was skin tight, and combined with his black jeans gave him an appearance reminiscent of a youthful George Michael. Not that there's anything wrong with that....
- Toddler's outfit. My daughter dressed her (as one does) in a soft pink tutu, vibrant pink headress and white floral sneakers. She looked magnificent. Of course, it was unfortunate that she needed to do a poo and yelled 'Mum, Mum, my bum hurts!' right in the middle of the speeches, but overall she was a great hit.
- Josh Goldenbum's chest. Regular readers will know that Josh Goldenbum* was a classmate for whom I pined for many years at school. Well, who should turn up yesterday at the function but the man himself, replendent in shirt and tie and looking... well... very similar to how he did at school, really, except... you know... older. But it was a hot day and he opened his shirt and there was his chest - the chest I would have given anything to touch about 25 years ago. And I realised that yes, it is a perfectly nice chest, but 25 years down the track I'm kind of over it. So I smiled at him, said hi, and went back to the cheese platter.
- Smoked salmon wars. I sat down at a table with Toddler to eat a bit of afternoon tea. We had some sandwiches and some scones and then Toddler decided it was time for me to eat some smoked salmon. I did not wish to eat smoked salmon as I was still enjoying my scone, so I politely declined. Toddler did not accept my rejection and proceeded to stab me with a fork and throw a scone at my head. As one does.
- Blue Smarties. There were jars and jars of sweets at the party, and some fool** insisted on scooping some up and giving them to our kids to take home. In the car, Toddler decided I should eat the blue Smarties. I don't like blue Smarties. In fact, I don't like blue food in general, not even blueberries. So I politely declined. Toddler did not accept my rejection and proceeded to pelt me with blue Smarties. I found one in my bra as I was getting undressed that night. As you do.
Parties are fun. And parties with kids are lovely, too. But toddlers? Toddlers should stay at home.
*no, it's not his real name, but should be
**yep, that would be my husband
So that's my party experience. What's yours???
Just to prove exactly how good a detective I am, I will announce that it was the toddler, in the back seat, with the blue smarties. I know, you're dazzled right ? Sounds like fun...sort of..if you like being stabbed with forks and pelted with scones ;)
ReplyDeleteHilarious. Toddlers are such a trip, I love mine to bits but sometimes she's run rings around me, tied me to the sofa* and run of with my sanity.**
ReplyDeleteOver-all they are better than husbands.
*not literally of course.
**not literally of course, I don't actually have any sanity to run off with.
hmmm.. *I* will eat salmon anytime it is required.. And I do not like blue food either.. BUT my favourite m'n'm's are blue and brown ones.. go figure!! I don't eat smarties.. they are TOTALLY different and gross.. but glad u had fun at the party....
ReplyDeleteAfter my last couple of days with my teething toddler, I have decided that if/when we have another baby, I will nurture it for the first year, then give it away for a year or so, and then take it back. Toddlers are bloody hard work!!
ReplyDeleteThat is great, I love it!
ReplyDeletePoor Josh Goldenbum will never know what he missed!
PS My toddler would never pelt me with anything...she smacks me instead!
My party experiences are limited these days because like you I have a toddler. I refuse to take toddler to said occasions, because I usually end up either covered in various food stains, or refereeing a vicious fight between toddler and object of current attachment (that ALWAYS, ALWAYS) belongs to the hosts when we exit.
ReplyDeleteBut your party sounded like fun!
*sense the tone* x
Gosh, you're children actually stick near you at parties. As a soldier's wife, ALL such lovely events are when he's away, so i have to go solo & leave my grooming & frocking up last (read: put 100% into making children look fantastic catalogue model worthy, me - i look like the harrassed maid).
ReplyDeleteThen my childen zoom off into 4 different directions & i end up on the single table with weird relatives asking me how i know the birthday boy or girl, as clearly i'm a childless spinster. This is applicable for weddings, parties, anything . . . also regardless of my children's ages, from the moment they were weaned, they no longer had a use for me, other than me being a general direction to fling shoes in.
Blue smarties, i never give my children chocolate (i'm well regarded as a food nazi in my circles) as i just can't stand the mess!! I have also found the odd freckle/ smartie/ pop corn/ 100s & 1000s down my bra - funny how you don't notice until you get naked. Did you have a nice blue dot where it melted to your skin?? Love Posie
At the last bbq/party we attended, the 3yo managed to get himself knocked in the face with a moving swing - grazing him and leaving quite the bump on his forehead. Of course, once the cold pack was removed he was straight back on it.
ReplyDeleteThere should be a "drop-off centre" for toddlers when parties are being had. Let them throw scones at someone else.
I seem to only go to parties where the kids are expected to consume their body weight in blue smarties lately. Sad state of affairs.
ReplyDeleteMichael Smith was my Josh Goldenbum. He had a paige boy bowl cut that hung in his eyes. I wanted to lie on top of him & brush his hair back from his face and kiss his nose. I was 12. He ignored me. He kept ignoring me until I met him 7 years later. I was wearing my red thigh length boots. He made a louche comment & invited me out for a drink sometime. I went off him at that point. Not long after I donated those boots to a friend.
ReplyDeleteYou have gone to a party & had a night out with friends this week. These are Grown Up things signifying that human-beingingness is replacing mommy-ness. Woot!
Hilarious. Toddlers are such a trip, I love mine to bits but sometimes she's run rings around me, tied me to the sofa* and run of with my sanity.**
ReplyDeleteOver-all they are better than husbands.
*not literally of course.
**not literally of course, I don't actually have any sanity to run off with.