- My son's outfit. Being a dressy occasion, I insisted my son change out of his 'Surfers Are Bad Dudes' top and put on something a little nicer - in this case, the white Ralph Lauren tee that has languished in his wardrobe since my mum bought it for him. Now a size too small, it was skin tight, and combined with his black jeans gave him an appearance reminiscent of a youthful George Michael. Not that there's anything wrong with that....
- Toddler's outfit. My daughter dressed her (as one does) in a soft pink tutu, vibrant pink headress and white floral sneakers. She looked magnificent. Of course, it was unfortunate that she needed to do a poo and yelled 'Mum, Mum, my bum hurts!' right in the middle of the speeches, but overall she was a great hit.
- Josh Goldenbum's chest. Regular readers will know that Josh Goldenbum* was a classmate for whom I pined for many years at school. Well, who should turn up yesterday at the function but the man himself, replendent in shirt and tie and looking... well... very similar to how he did at school, really, except... you know... older. But it was a hot day and he opened his shirt and there was his chest - the chest I would have given anything to touch about 25 years ago. And I realised that yes, it is a perfectly nice chest, but 25 years down the track I'm kind of over it. So I smiled at him, said hi, and went back to the cheese platter.
- Smoked salmon wars. I sat down at a table with Toddler to eat a bit of afternoon tea. We had some sandwiches and some scones and then Toddler decided it was time for me to eat some smoked salmon. I did not wish to eat smoked salmon as I was still enjoying my scone, so I politely declined. Toddler did not accept my rejection and proceeded to stab me with a fork and throw a scone at my head. As one does.
- Blue Smarties. There were jars and jars of sweets at the party, and some fool** insisted on scooping some up and giving them to our kids to take home. In the car, Toddler decided I should eat the blue Smarties. I don't like blue Smarties. In fact, I don't like blue food in general, not even blueberries. So I politely declined. Toddler did not accept my rejection and proceeded to pelt me with blue Smarties. I found one in my bra as I was getting undressed that night. As you do.
Parties are fun. And parties with kids are lovely, too. But toddlers? Toddlers should stay at home.
*no, it's not his real name, but should be
**yep, that would be my husband
So that's my party experience. What's yours???