January 5, 2010

Marie Claire - My Campaign Speech (with a twist..)

Yesterday, I had the great honour of being nominated as a candidate for Marie Claire magazine's next Cover Girl. I was thrilled, and my delight wasn't in the least bit compromised by the fact that the nomination came from myself.

Many of you will be aware of the controversy surrounding Marie Claire's current cover girl, ex-Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins. Ms Hawkins' naked body, untouched by photoshop, supposedly represented a more realistic and positive body image for women everywhere.

Well, Jen is gorgeous and I'm happy to feast my eyes on her. Still, Blind Freddy can see that this supermodel represents realistic womanhood about as accurately as a mooseburger represents a vegan stir fry.

I, on the other hand, am utterly realistic, if for no other reason than I have never won a Miss Universe contest (though, to be fair, I have never actually entered one, and it's entirely possible I would win if I did, given freakishly weak competition, poor lighting, and an inebriated judging panel).

Most importantly, though, I will certainly promote positive body image for anyone who lays eyes on my naked form. There's the caesar scar. The floppy tummy. The floppy boobs. The varicose veins. The chicken pox scars from when I couldn't resist the urge to see what happens when the scab comes off (and for those who don't know, it's way cool. Definitely worth permanent disfiguration).

Then there's my head. The sticky-out left ear. The un-botoxed wrinkles. The occasional pimple (which seems totally unfair - I mean, pimples and wrinkles at the same time?). And then, as the final showpiece, the Bum Finger - the digit torn off in an accident only to end up reattached and looking just like a bottom. Any woman with a normal body - no, any woman with a normal hand - will just love herself in comparison.

So yes, put me on the cover of Marie Claire and women will look at me and feel better about themselves. Momentarily. But then they'll go out and see someone young and beautiful and perfectly formed, and feel crap again. Or they'll turn on the TV and see a large, fairly ordinary looking Australian celebrity chef and feel even better. Or they'll turn on the TV and see a largish but sexy-as-hell British celebrity chef and want to stick their heads in the oven.

You see, the reality, my beautiful friends, is that there will always be people more and less attractive than you, just as there will always be people fatter and thinner, richer and poorer, and more and less intelligent. No-one - not any of these women, and not any magazine - can make you feel unworthy about your appearance except for yourself. I accept myself - with my Sticky-Out Ear, Bum Finger, scars and flop - and you - with all your overweight, flab, imperfections and unique beauty - deserve to accept yourself too.

So thank you all for your support in my campaign. It's actually not so important whether I make it onto the cover or not. But if I can encourage any of you to allow yourselves to feel comfortable with yourselves for a while, then I know I've achieved my goal.

25 comments:

  1. Simply - you rock. That is all.

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  2. Fantastic! Absolutely loved it. If Madison Mag was smart they'd put you on their cover instead! And ditto what April said!

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  3. I still say you are way too hawt for that magazine.

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  4. I'm a little disappointed there is no uneven breast action, but hey, no one is PERFECT!. I'd buy it. And I have NEVER purchased Marie Claire in my life. Not even on holidays where I have a virtual green light to waste money on trash mags. Go Kerri!

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  5. ha ha ha, very very wise words, love ooxx

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  6. Are you saying I'm FAT??!!!

    Oh, wait, I am - ah hahaha. That's ok then.

    Damn, I'm pissed I don't have a bum finger though, although my kids do tell me I have a "boob crack" (which is kinda like a plumbers bum, only more mammary)

    Hmmm, if Marie Claire don't recognise something good when they see it, I think you should start up a rival mag! Or go the Lego Magazine front cover suggestion ....

    Awesomely said :)

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  7. I am not fat! I am fed! BahahAhaaaa! But truly kerri, I think you should be on the cover cos you ARE beautiful! Beautiful on the inside and out for what I know of you!

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  8. They just don't know what they are missing!

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  9. So funny Kerri. Twas fun seeing all that unfold. And then they DIRECT MESSAGED YOU! I wonder if that was Ms Frank in the end who said.. hmm.. thanks for your interest or something lame like that. At least they got back to you.

    Ahh fun times. xxxxx

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  10. Personally, I think bum fingers are the new black. You are so HOT right now, even if MC don't take you on, I wouldn't be surprised if Vogue is next in line. *wink*

    Remember us, won't you, when you're the 'next big thing'?

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  11. Thanks, I needed this today! It helps especially when I see myself being compared with that other woman much more prettier and good looking than I am.

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  12. Still chuckling. And by chuckling, I mean laughing heartily causing my floppy bits to wobble and my crooked nose snort in appreciation. Here's to imperfections - they make the world a far more fascinating place! x

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  13. I raise my stubby fingers and salute you. Excellent post Ms Sackville, you are a hoot, that's what you are ;) x

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  14. I am heading to the beach with my kids - the perfect reminder that we all come in many shapes and sizes. There will be hot young things, round young things, crinkly old things, middle aged hot things, middle aged pot bellied things, pregnant bumps, flopsy boobies, no boobies, huge boobies...
    You get the picture...but we are all gorgeous in our own way - especially if we feel happy and our smile is shining for all to see.

    I want to tell MC and other such mags to get out of their glossy, advertisement clad towers and get a life.

    Go get 'em Kerrie

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  15. Love your blog Kerri, it always brings a smile to my face even on the dullest days xo.

    Whilst I think that the magazines intentions were good - I'm always happy to see a celebrity with their, um, flaws (?) showing. Makes me feel a little better about myself.. You are right, no one else can make us feel bad about ourselves than us.

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  16. Beauty, as they say, is in the eye of the beer holder, but I've looked at your pics when I was sober, and you seemed ok,so you can't be THAT bad.As long as our friends and family think we're beautiful, although in my case more like wrinkledy handsome,then that's all that counts,eh?...... :-D

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  17. You know, I am being quite serious when I say you should not be on the cover of Marie Claire. Really.

    You should be all over the inside pages because as beautiful as you, your bum finger and your giant ear are, your writing is brilliant and insightful and fucking hilarious and brilliant.

    And then again maybe not. Marie Claire is not good enough for you.

    You are beautiful but your writing is magnificent

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  18. Love your blog Kerri, it always brings a smile to my face even on the dullest days xo.

    Whilst I think that the magazines intentions were good - I'm always happy to see a celebrity with their, um, flaws (?) showing. Makes me feel a little better about myself.. You are right, no one else can make us feel bad about ourselves than us.

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  19. I raise my stubby fingers and salute you. Excellent post Ms Sackville, you are a hoot, that's what you are ;) x

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  20. Thanks, I needed this today! It helps especially when I see myself being compared with that other woman much more prettier and good looking than I am.

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  21. Now THAT made me smile. Thank you

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  22. Fantastic! Absolutely loved it. If Madison Mag was smart they'd put you on their cover instead! And ditto what April said!

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