April 1, 2014

April Fools

I hate April Fools jokes. I hate people being made to look like fools. I especially hate being made to look like a fool myself, unless I am the one making myself look like a fool, in which case I like it very much, because that is how I make my living.

However, it is April 1, and I feel compelled to offer something in the way of an April Fools prank. So here, below, are a series of statements. Exactly half are true, the other half are false. Your job is to figure out which are which. The answers will be published tomorrow here. The person or people who get them all right will be celebrated with a tickertape parade in the streets of Sydney (which is completely untrue, but it's April Fools, so you never know).


  1. I once worked briefly as a Jenny Craig weight loss consultant.
  2. I named each of my three children after (somewhat obscure) characters from my favourite books.
  3. My own middle name is Anne. I never use it for obvious reasons.
  4. I have a scar on my left shoulder from being burned by a car cigarette lighter.
  5. I speak Yiddish fluently. I even dream in Yiddish.
  6. I have never thrown up (at least, not since I was a baby). 
  7. I love cleaning the ear wax from my kids' ears. So satisfying.
  8. I make a nice side income from writing erotic fiction under a pseudonym. (And no, I'll never tell.)
  9. I once drove through the carpark barrier at Westfield twice in one week and didn't even get caught.
  10. I am freakishly good at reverse parking.
So what do you think? Which are true and which are false? A fabulous tickertape parade awaits...


UPDATE

As promised, the answers are as follows:

True:

1. I did work briefly as a Jenny Craig weight loss consultant. It was a ridiculous job but the diet chocolate mousse was really nice.
4. I do have a scar on my left shoulder from a car cigarette lighter. My (then very young) son didn't realise that the 'red' made the lighter very hot, and he pressed the lighter to my shoulder as a joke. We both got a terrible fright. It hurt like hell, the skin turned black and fell off, and I have the scar to this day.
6. I have never thrown up. I can't throw up. I don't know why.
7. I adore cleaning the ear wax from my kids' ears. They all still let me. I dread the day they stop.
10. I am a terrible driver, but I am, bizarrely, extraordinarily good at reverse parking. I can get into the tiniest spots, without any fancy technology at all. Go figure!

False:

All the rest.

19 comments:

  1. My guess is these ones are true:
    -I named each of my three children after (somewhat obscure) characters from my favourite books.
    -My own middle name is Anne. I never use it for obvious reasons.
    -I have a scar on my left shoulder from being burned by a car cigarette lighter.
    -I once drove through the carpark barrier at Westfield twice in one week and didn't even get caught.
    -I am freakishly good at reverse parking.

    ReplyDelete
  2. OK - I'll play


    True: 1, 3, 4, 9, 10.


    False: 2, 5, 6, 7, 8.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'll say 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 & 10 are true. The rest false. I'm just guessing here. Will be interesting to find out the correct answers!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'll say
    True 1,2,4,7,9
    False 3,5,6,8,10

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hmmmm. Not sure, but I seem to remember some driving/parking horror stories, so I'll say 10 is out. Unless you've become super brilliant. Or have a self-parking car. Do you have a self-parking car? x

    ReplyDelete
  6. True: 1 3 4 7 10 ?
    Want to play too? Which one of these is a lie?
    1) I used to sell personal alarms around Melbourne brothels
    2) I used to ride a motorbike
    3) I was once an Avon Lady

    X

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are very close. But no cigar.
    As for you... the lie is 2).

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  8. Only five are true! So you're definitely wrong!

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  9. It's like I don't know you anymore!!!!!


    *sobs*

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  10. PSYCHIC SACKVILLE

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  11. 1,2,3,4,5 are correct and 6,7,8,9,10 are not.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Get that tickertape ready....none of them are true! I'm packing my suitcase as I type...

    ReplyDelete

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