October 31, 2013

Yes. I Really Did This.

This morning I had coffee with a lovely young woman of my acquaintance. B wanted my advice about Looking Fabulous All the Time and Keeping a Spotless Household* and I was delighted to help her out. Quite frankly, any excuse to get out of the house is exciting for me. And besides, she paid for my coffee and offered me a lift into the city to attend a meeting so I totally came out ahead.

After we finished our coffee, I stepped into her car and spotted a Tiffany & Co gift bag on the floor.

"Oh, you shouldn't have!" I joked. Clearly B had bought a stunningly tasteful necklace for her best friend's birthday, or perhaps one of those delightful silver spoons you hand out at christenings and baby showers.

"Yes, it's for you," she said, and gestured to me to take the bag.

I was horrified. "For me? Oh my god I was only joking!"

I felt terrible. Absolutely terrible. Now B would feel compelled to give me the stunningly tasteful necklace, or, even more awkwardly, the silver spoon. I suppose I could wear the necklace, even if it had been intended for her best friend. But what would I do if it turned out to be a spoon? Use it in my sugar bowl?

I realised I was shaking my head.

"No, it's really for you," B said. "To thank you for your time. Don't worry - it's only small!"

I was touched. "I'm touched!" I said. (Which is logical, given that I was touched.) "Can I open it?"

"Of course!"

So, excitedly, I opened the box.

It was a pen. A beautiful, aqua, Tiffany & Co pen. I love pens. I love pens sooooo much. I loved it.

"I love it!" I cried, and the pen jumped out of my hand and disappeared down the side of the car seat.

Oh yes it did. It was gone.

We tried everything to get it out. I tried, she tried, I tried again... It was hopeless. My beautiful pen, held lovingly in my palm for 3.5 seconds, was gone.

B and I drove mournfully into the city, both of us trying desperately to forget the fact that I had a) ruined the moment of gift-giving, and b) lost the actual gift.

We arrived and she parked the car.

"Perhaps I'll take the car to the mechanic and he can have a go at getting it out?" B asked. Visions of the car being completely dismantled floated before my eyes. No. That was ridiculous. (But as a last resort...)

"I'll try again!" I announced courageously. I grabbed my tweezers from my bag (because I never, ever leave home without tweezers), practically lay horizontal on the road, stretched my tweezer-gripping hand out under the seat...... struggled blindly for a few minutes.... and PRESTO! I extracted the pen with the precision of a surgeon and the dexterity of a really good pole dancer.

It was the most triumphant moment of my life. Well, one of them.

So I have my pen and the relationship has been salvaged. And now I'm off to do some fancy pants doodling.

So so so so SO much better than a lame old spoon.....

*this may not have been the real reasons she sought my advice


  1. Thank god for tweezers! #multipleuses

  2. My seven year old did that with his pocket money a few weeks ago. There is a two dollar coin somewhere in the innards of the car.

    Glad you got your pen back!

  3. Kerri, whenever I read a post like this, I think Fuck, what else is this woman gonna come up with ?...... You should write a book. Oh,....wait. Hahahaha !

  4. Bless your dexterity Kerri! and you need to give me B's number, I could do me with some friends like that!

  5. Lisa @ Blithe MomentsOctober 31, 2013 at 8:16 PM

    A Tiffany pen is one thing - a 4 carat diamond ... you have to read this story http://lovelyjublies.blogspot.com.au/2011/05/in-which-i-have-diamond.html

    (oh and no this is not me, I cannot possibly imagine owning a 4 carat diamond, but if I did I would likely drop it in the car like she did)

  6. Oh you crack me up! I needed that giggle (mental picture of you extracting said pen) more than you could know right now! Thank you. P.S. I'd even consider calling 000 and requesting the jaws of life if manual extraction with tweezers hadn't been successful. (Yes I too carry them with me everywhere). Nothing - I mean nothing - would've stood between me and a gift from Tiffany's! xx

  7. Oh Kerri. You lucky, lucky girl. What a lovely friend. I wept a little reading this, because the wounds are still quite fresh for me. I just LOST my Tiffany and Co silver bracelet that I have been wearing every day since August 2008. I knew it was broken and needed to be taken to a jeweler for repair, but nooooooo, I had to keep wearing it for a few more days. And voila. Gone. Just like that, fell off my wrist. Sadly I feel tweezers wouldn't help me retrieve mine, as I have no idea where the freaking heck it fell. Going to cry in the corner now :(

  8. Did same thing with my engagement ring. Had to get the mechanic to pull the seat out! Nearly kissed him when I arrived to collect the car and he walked up to me holding the ring.

  9. What a lovely person young B must be.
    Don't you just love it when you receive a gift that shows the giver really took the time to get one that would not only suit you but would mean something to you as well....like a beautiful pen for a beautiful writer.x.

  10. Hahaha classic awkward moment! Glad there was a happy ending to the story :)

  11. Kathy www.yinyangmother.comNovember 4, 2013 at 2:26 PM

    You are hilarious - I think the gift will be even more special now to both giver and receiver - lucky you.

  12. It's now Christmas time and every one is looking for the best gifts for their loved once.



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