But I digress.
I left the five year old in the bath (fear not, she can swim now) and crawled back to the kitchen to clean up after dinner. Just as I had hauled the last remaining plate into the dishwasher and cleared the final globules of tomato sauce from the table, I heard nothing.
Yes. Nothing. And that is never a good sign.
I ran back to the bathroom. And there was the five year old, happily playing in the bath. Happily playing with a bottle of shampoo and a bottle of bubble bath. Happily playing with a bottle of shampoo and a bottle of bubble bath that she had emptied all over the side of the bath.
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| Such Pretty Colours |
I yelled. I scolded. I curled in the fetal position and sobbed. But the five year old sobbed harder.
"I didn't know, Mummy!" she cried. "You never told me I can't do that! You have to tell me these things! I'm only five and I'm not as smart as you! I didn't know!"
So, for the elucidation of my five year old and five year olds everywhere, here is the List Of Things You Shouldn't Do. Please feel free to add your own.
1. Do not write on the walls. Even if it is 'very beautiful handwriting'.
2. Do not throw food. Even if it is 'disgusting'.
3. Do not hit your brother. Even if he is 'very very annoying'.
4. Do not hit me. Ditto.
5. Do not spit out food. See point 2.
6. Do not cut things with scissors without checking with me. Particularly hair, clothes, important-looking documents and the cat.
7. Do not scribble on your sister's homework. Even if it does 'make it very much better'.
8. Do not empty liquid anything onto the floor. I think we've covered that one.
9. Do not break things. Even if they 'weren't important'. Your definition of what is not important and mine are rather different. For example, I quite like my mobile phone.
10. Do not draw on my face with permanent marker when I am sleeping on the couch. It takes hours to wash off and I don't have time because I am cleaning up the bloody bathroom.
However pertinent or informative you feel they are, do not make visual observations /critiques when you intrude upon family members' shower time.
ReplyDeleteDo not buy new games on my phone just because "this looks like fun!"
ReplyDeleteThey know your password?
ReplyDeleteThis is a great list. I may steal it when I have little kids again.
ReplyDeleteDo not pull every single item of clothing out of your drawers and throw them on the floor in disgust, looking for your Spider/Super/Batman outfit (or insert Princess outfit for girls - no idea what girls dress up as).
ReplyDeleteLOL ... It's been a long time since my girls were five but I can remember. It brought a smile on a rainy, cold day in Sydney. Yolanda :-)
ReplyDeleteThey DID!!! (3 1/2 years old!!!)
ReplyDeleteCould have been worse, when their parents first got a Kindle Fire, they didn't set it so that a password was required for purchases. They discovered that oversight when a $700 camera showed up at their door! Followed by a lunchbox!
ReplyDeleteOhhhh, I get the 'but you didn't tell me I couldn't'...thing too from my five year old. I also get the big doe-eyed mournful look 'mummy, you really scared me with your yelling'....though I'm fairly sure I don't yell as loudly as I want to!
ReplyDeleteDo not stick objects down others throats when playing doctors. (long story)
ReplyDeleteDo not use nail polish as paint (also a long story)
ReplyDeleteDO bring Mum a glass of water when she's sobbing after yelling. And DO give her a kiss and tell her everything will be all right. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI have to add: do not flush things in the toilet to see where they will go. This includes the cat. (learnt this the hard way from my now 20 year old)
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine what those 'observations' were....
ReplyDeleteHa! Glad x
ReplyDeletePrincess, ballerina, fairy, mermaid..... x
ReplyDeleteIt's yours.
ReplyDeleteShit woman, are you living my life. This exact thing happened to me and my little miss 5 the other night. I had to wade through the bubbles just to find her. But I was too tired to clean it up so just closed the door and hoped the bubbles would be gone by morning :)
ReplyDeleteDo not put your clean, folded, ironed, freshly laundered clothes away into the dirty clothes basket because you can't be bothered opening your drawer!
ReplyDeleteDo not say "dammit!" when you drop something....even though mommy always does.
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids. I have plants. They are generally well behaved. But I might use this list for myself
ReplyDeleteI've gone blank. Surely there are at least twenty more things to be added to that list? Love it though! Oh and I hope it wasn't expensive shampoo cause that should have its very own rule! :-)
ReplyDelete