October 26, 2012

Sex. On A Plane. Interrupted. By My Husband.

I have written in the past about my imaginary friend Cherie and her totally inappropriate sex dreams. Well, I don't know what Cherie was up to this morning, but I was sure having a doozy. Because when my husband woke me up at 5.20am by turning on the TV*, he disturbed one of the most fantastic dreams I've had in a long time.

And it was about a man I find extremely unattractive.

Except, clearly, in my subconscious.

Actually, the dream was about two men. Three, if you count my husband (which, if you were conducting a census, you would). One of the men is someone I do find quite attractive, so it wasn't that odd that he popped up in my dream (um... metaphorically speaking).

My husband, Handsome Man and I were all on an aeroplane, and my husband and HM were arguing about which direction we were heading. (Freudians, you can just shut up right now.) Then a third, unattractive man boarded the plane via the emergency exit, which was peculiar as we were mid flight.

UM walked straight up to me, took my hand, and began kissing me.

"This is strange," I thought to myself as I passionately returned his embrace. "This man quite repulses me. And yet this is rather erotic." (Note that I didn't find it 'strange' that he had boarded a plane mid flight. So goes the shaky logic of dreams.)

Artist's impression of WHAT MY HUSBAND RUINED
I lay down with UM on the floor of the plane (we must have been in First Class because there's certainly no such leg room in Economy) as my husband and HM argued away, oblivious. And then we started to engage in some quite heated sexy-type business, and it was going really promisingly, until... oh god, oh god, oh GOD Melissa Doyle on Sunrise!

And then I woke up.

There is no moral to this story. There is nothing you can take away from it and use to enrich your own life.

Unless, of course, you are the Unattractive Man. In which case, you should feel mighty good right about now. And hope that next time, bloody Melissa Doyle doesn't interrupt our rendezvous.

*which is a whole other post in itself - I mean, not very considerate, huh?**

**and before he starts bombarding this post with comments***, yes, he had the earplugs in, but the light from the screen was still dazzling

***assuming he will read this post, which he probably won't****

****which is a good thing, considering it's about inappropriate sex dreams


25 comments:

  1. As a psychologist, I know how the mind works, and all I can say is BRING ON YOUR NEXT DREAM! You and Melissa Doyle on the Sunrise desk while people fly overhead watching from a plane and UM gives Melissa tips. (Tips, I said.)

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  2. I laughed so hard at this post. I don't have a husband, but I imagine I would have delivered a rather swift smack upon being disturbed. Also I am sure the artistic impression is almost exact to the events (where the hell do you even find a pic like that? LOL!).

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  3. WHAT UNIVERSITY DID YOU STUDY AT???????

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  4. Isn't the pic great???? And yes. I was NOT happy with hubby this morning at ALL x

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  5. I know Freud wouldn't have anything to say about this. I'm not sure about Jung; he could do, having much to say and write about concerning the unconscious mind; perhaps Kinsey could have shed a light on it.



    Why is it, that just when we get to the good part in sex dreams, we wake up? Well...I do...and it really, really annoys me (in my best "Blue Steel" voice)! I guess Husband is getting Cold Shoulder and Hot Tongue for dinner tonight! ;)

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  6. Are always the good ones get interrupted!

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  7. I love sex dreams!

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  8. I was once mistaken at a party for Melissa Doyle but I dont think I've ever interrupted anyone getting busy - which is a good thing for all concerned. I had an interesting dream last week. I was going for a job at Sterling. Cooper, Draper, Pryce (I wouldn't want to work in that misogynistic cesspool but anyways). I was fretting that I did not have an outfit sufficiently retro for my interview with Don Draper. I needn't have worried because before I could get dressed aliens attacked and decimated human kind.

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  9. Cold Shoulder & Hot Tongue! LOVE IT!!!

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  10. I prefer the ones that are allowed to FINISH.....

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  11. Oh yes, aliens decimating humankind. That is even more annoying than being interrupted by Sunrise.

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  12. As a bachelormum this is unfortunately what my life is like in real time

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  13. My mind is going crazy with unattractive men that could possibly have featured in this dream.

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  14. metaphorically speaking :-)

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  15. Lol. My son interrupted my last sex dream. It was awfully good. More to the point though, it was the first one in more than a year. I've had major problems with my medications and my sex drive didn't just go away. It fell to a mortal enemy - one who despises sex. (SOOO not like me ever. So that makes it worse).

    So to finally have a nice dream which made me interested in sex again, and then to have it interrupted! I could have screamed at the child. Fortunately I didn't. Because it would have been an awkward conversation to have with a5 year old with autism.

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  16. Not quite as annoying as being interrupted by Sunrise....

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  17. Of all people to interrupt a sex dream - Melissa Doyle!!

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  18. Actually Kerri I should explain the lines I was thinking before more clearly, which was essentially being approached by the ugly guy and even that not working out, in jest of course.

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  19. Yours and several of my friends, who have been texting me with possible candidates.....

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  20. Yes..... She's very nice but not who I wanted to see right at that moment....

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  21. As a single woman (in the midst of a very long drought) I get incredibly sad and depressed when I wake up from sex dreams. *sigh* (Is that TMI?!)

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