February 25, 2011

Return From Camp Fear

Yesterday, my son returned safely from Camp Fear. After agonising over the permission slip, which required me to acknowledge my eleven-year-old child's 'increased risk of death', I signed and dutifully transported him to the bus on Monday morning. (Actually, that's not quite true. His father transported him to the bus. But I packed his bags, fed him a nutritious breakfast, and waved goodbye at the door, quaking in my thongs.)

I thought often of my son during the week, wondering whether he was having fun, what he was eating, how he was sleeping, and by what percentage point had his 'risk of death' actually increased. His nine-year-old sister drew pictures for him to present on his return. His three-year-old sister kept wandering into his room looking for him and asking if he was at Nana's (her long term memory seems a little undeveloped at this point).

And then, yesterday afternoon, it was time to pick him up.

There was my man, all tired and grubby, pulling behind him my fake crocodile skin suitcase and a water bottle the size of his head. My heart leapt. I rushed to give him a huge cuddle and he pushed me away.

"Mum, I'm eleven now," he said. "You'll ruin my reputation." Oh. God forbid.

And what happened at Camp Fear? Well, this was detailed to me sporadically over the course of the next five hours. For your convenience, I have summarised the key points below:

  • There were no high ropes. This was a source of great relief to my son.
  • There was a wombat hole, through which the children were required to crawl. This made no sense to me at all, but apparently made perfect sense to the kids.
  • I packed too many clothes.
  • I packed not enough socks.
  • Dinner on the first night was 'the best meal ever'. This probably says more about the quality of my cooking than the quality of the camp's food.
  • On the second day, my son was bitten by a 'spider with a red back'. As he survived to tell the tale, it clearly wasn't THE spider with a red back, but it still made me vomit a little to hear it.
  • My son's tent-mate wept for the entire first day and night before having to go home. If I had to share a tiny two-man tent in the rain with a pre-pubescent boy who hadn't showered, I probably would have done the same.
  • My son did not win the talent quest. He did, however, perform more vigorously than his two friends, who chose, in their piece, to portray 'rocks'.
  • My son did not miss me or his father or sisters at all. He did, however, miss his gameboy, Wii and computer very much.
  • The kids got to pet some alpaca goats. This made me smile.
  • The kids then had an alpaca-goat-poo tossing contest. Hearing this made me vomit again a little. And when I had to remove his alpaca-goat-poo sullied clothes from his bag and put them in the wash, I vomited again.
So that was it. An exciting and safe - if not exactly hygienic - time was had by all.

And when my son went to sleep last night, I snuck into his room and gave him a gigantic hug. A reputation and a bit of alpaca poo isn't going to stop me.

19 comments:

  1. Yay!! I for one am glad there was no hot spooning. Or fire incidents at all for that matter.

    Oh and Boo wandering in his room looking for him, so bloody cute.

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  2. Yay! Safe return. See nothing to worry about (except the things he isn't telling you that is!)

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  3. Ooh - alpaca poo. Yuck.

    I am lucky in a way, due to Boy 1 and his Aspieness I am required to accompany him on camps. Big Boy could, but the teachers think I am a lot tougher than him. Push the boundaries more.

    Down side is a getting later 40's Madmother attempting to scale mountains, shoot arrows and make mud bricks. Not my idea of fun.

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  4. So they didn't do that thing where one pre-pubescent boy goes into the room/tent/hovel of another sleeping pre-pubescent boy, and puts the sleeping boy's hand in a bowl of warm water, thereby causing sleeping boy to lose control of his bladder and wake up mortified? No? Why on earth didn't you tell him about that before he left? Would have enhanced his reputation no end. :)

    Glad he is safely back in your enfolding bosom once more. xx

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  5. I'm a veteran of the school camp. You do get used to them being away - one year both my teens were away at the same time. Hello perfect timing!

    .. re the food thing, kids judge how good a camp is by the food. Mine would happy go back to one particular camp and would pack their own food for another one.

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  6. Kerri! Didn't you know it is totally uncool to show affection to your son over the age of 6?? Sounds like he had a ball - I am worried about his (nancy sooki lala) tent buddy though x

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  7. My youngest son goes on his first camp on Monday. I have learnt that if you pack lots of socks, they need more underwear. But I don't really stress now as they never change out of the first day's clothes anyway.

    Also, has anyone's son actually ever used the mandatory raincoat listed on the form? I have unpacked wet, muddy clothes on quite a few occasions, but a pristine, still-in-its-wrapping Macintosh always comes home.

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  8. YES! Bizarrely, YES. We didn't have the required type of rainjacket so had to order it from the campsite, and my son LOVES it.
    The kids were also required to wear full rashi tops and board shorts to swim in, which my son didn't have. So I bought him some at tremendous expense. He wore them once, then they were 'too wet' to wear again, and he wore just his Speedos without any problems. SIGH......

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  9. that is soooooo cute!! ive only been on 2 camps :( my school is like poor JUST KIDDING lol lots of fun luckily it wasnt life threatening. glad about the safe return. he did miss you guys, you know. boys...... hmmmmmm, especially 11 year old boys. wait till he hits 13. ride of your life. primary source, here!!

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  10. Oh Kerri, You got off lightly! Mine was a bed-wetter so I went on the camp..to Carnarvon Gorge. This meant getting up before the sparrows to spirit away wet bedding (and washing it by hand in freezing water, in the semi-dark) and THEN..participating in gruelling walks through rough terrain. One was one kilometre STRAIGHT UP ..my legs were jelly, another was a 20km walk out to some cave with aboriginal porn art. I was never so glad to get home. Alpaca poo would have been a godsend!

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  11. Oh goodness goddess, I have all this before me. Alpaca-pooing- myself at the very thought....

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  12. been barred from public displays since son's 4th birthday … adventure camp later this year *sigh* not looking forward to the socks!

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  13. what is a goat alpaca? some kind of weird llama-esque hybrid?

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  14. My neighbour's little fella went on one of those sorts of camps. Rained for days. When he got home, everything was totally filthy and wet except for one item - his soap in a plastic container. It was as pristine as the day it was placed there.

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  15. As I don't have kids, I can't comment on whether I'd miss them or not, but if you'd sent Spunky to Camp Fear, I may have been able to empathise. we have a cat you see, so I DO know something about furry animals........

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  16. I love that you snuck in and gave him a hug. Gorgeous x

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  17. My neighbour's little fella went on one of those sorts of camps. Rained for days. When he got home, everything was totally filthy and wet except for one item - his soap in a plastic container. It was as pristine as the day it was placed there.

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  18. Yay! Safe return. See nothing to worry about (except the things he isn't telling you that is!)

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  19. that is soooooo cute!! ive only been on 2 camps :( my school is like poor JUST KIDDING lol lots of fun luckily it wasnt life threatening. glad about the safe return. he did miss you guys, you know. boys...... hmmmmmm, especially 11 year old boys. wait till he hits 13. ride of your life. primary source, here!!

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