June 14, 2010

Too Much Information

I love it when my kids talk to each other. Except when it's about me. And when they actually write down their conversations about me - no, actually interview each other about me - well, I just want to run screaming from my house. For a year or two.
The other day, I discovered two pieces of paper on the kitchen table. One, in neat bullet points in orange pen, was clearly written by my 11 year old son. He had interviewed his nine year old sister about... wait for it... what she thinks about Mummy. And on a second, substantially larger piece of paper, written in considerably messier writing, contained the transcription of my daughter's interview with him.
Oh goody goody goody. Let's see what we have here.

From my son (as written by my daughter):

  • She go's away too much. Well I'm sorry honey, but if I didn't go's away occasionally, I might just go's potty. Consider it an investment.
  • She's sometimes rong. Yes, it's true. I'm sometimes rong. But mostly, I'm wright. In fact, stuff it. I'm ALWAYS wright. And don't you forget it!
  • She gives good food. That I do. And I know you're actually referring to those times I take you to Macdonald's, but I'll try to pretend you're talking about my roast chicken.
  • She gives Lots of mony. Oh you have NO idea how much mony I give.
  • She is strict and blames me for stuff. I am SO not strict. And I only blame you for stuff because you do it! Gee. I feel quite hard done by now.
  • She likes playing monopoly and find fore. Yes I do. Very much. Okay, not so much, but I don't mind it at all. Okay, I actually hate it, but I'm very, very glad you haven't noticed.

As for his sister, well, she reported her own concerns about me, carefully noted down by her brother:

  • Lets people wreak room. Well, I wouldn't say LETS people wreak room. I can't help it if Toddler breaks in and wreaks room. Likewise if your very own friends come to play and wreak room. And who cleans room after people wreak room? That's right. ME. Could we have some balance, please?
  • Takes to fun places. I do, don't I??? Woo hoo! I am Best Mother In World.
  • Takes to bad places. Oh. Oh, okay. Oh dear.
  • Always nice. Yes! YES! NOW you're talking!
  • Makes us do things we dont want. Oh come ON!!! I have to! If I didn't make you do things you didn't want, you'd never shower! Or wear shoes! Or have an education! Or move away from the TV! Or eat anything that couldn't be bought from a convenience store! I mean, give me a BREAK!!
  • Lets watch TV (even school mornings). I don't! I hardly ever let you watch TV on school mornings! Just... you know... when you're all dressed and ready. Or when I'm running really late. Or when I'm giving you a special treat. Or when... Okay. I let you watch TV even on school mornings.
  • Good mum. Thank god for that.

So tell me... what do you think your kids (or husband, or friends, or enemies???) would say about YOU??????


  1. Haha, I love it when you see how your kids see you.
    I remember Miss 7 telling her then teacher she loved me I always buy her 'little drinks" at the shops (she meant yukult), that for my job I 'make money' on my computer, and that I only ever eat vegetables. She still thinks I am 'the most beautiful mother in the world', thank goodness.

  2. Nice!! I don't have children, but I have MANY guesses as to what my Jack Russell Terrier would say about my husband and I!!

    That was fun, thanks!

  3. I just did a spot-quiz of my kids with the question "Why do you love mummy so much?" (Notice I didn't ask "Do you love mummy?". I don't see any point setting myself up for a big fall...)

    The Pixie (aged 5) says she loves me because I "make nice cakes" and I'm "pretty" and I "smell like roses." No, I didn't pay her to say that.

    Tiddles (aged 3) said "Because I love you soooo much." He then added "And I wet my trousers with water and cried until the snot came out my nose." Uh, okay.

    Mr Justice (aged 7) said he loves me "for being a mum". I think that's a seven year old's way of saying "No comment".

  4. Hah! My children's school do thsi thing in the lower grades where they interview the kids about their mothesr and put the answers on a Mother's Day card... When asked “What does Mummy cook best?” my darling daughter responded “Noodles in a box that she buys from the shops”. Not content with having shattered my image as a domestic goddess, she then went on to answer “For a special treat Mummy lets me…” with “Watch videos so she can go on the computer.”
    Still, my husband got his own taste of it at Father's Day. To the question "What does Daddy like to do when he isn't at work?" Dec had responded "Put gel in his hair".
    Great blog!

  5. Adorable & yes, i love the expression "Wrong with a capital R", after my own heart!!
    I spy on my children & listen to what they say about me, of course, it's almost always them using me as their threat to tidy up rooms. Clearly i'm perfect & mother of the year as well, if only a pawn in their blackmail to each other.
    They have even been trained to ask me "so did you have a lovely day today mum" after i go through their 4 eventful days. They seem far more interested now i don't ONLY work from home & spend my days cleaning between projects. They all agree that i can't cook & there have been tears about missing Daddy so much "i wish the Army would let him come home to cook us a few meals". I know, that strong an opinion. I think they'd do well if asked "what mummy does poorly" so then they'd have the guidence to run through cooking to singing . . . i do know for a fact that their friends think i'm nice, ahhhhh, i think they really mean "younger than my mum" but i'll take the compliment. Fun & games, love Posie

  6. Funnily enough just today Little Pencil told me he was ready to stay in the house alone. After all, he told me, he can make his own toast.

    So it would seem that if I asked him how he feels about me he would say "you used to be helpful but now I can make toast"

    My husband on the other hand thinks I undercook toast

  7. See how a child has the ability to extract the absolute truth from us. Whereas us adults adulterate the truth to each other at the best of times.

  8. Too tired from looking after a sick household to poll my own kids but will share my sister's experience when her kindy child was asked what mum's job is.
    My niece answered " she goes to work at night to make babies".

    My sister had to go up to the (Catholic) school to explain she was a midwife with night duties. Not a lady of the night.


  9. Okay - I may have to get my kids to do this too :) somehow, subtley suggest it - would love to know what they think...

  10. That's so cute and hilarious! My son (who's 4) told me he wanted to be a mum when he grows up not a dad because "if I'm a mum I can be the boss all the time, dads only get to be the boss when mums aren't here."

    He makes a fair point but I do wonder whether he's just mastered the art of giving me an inflated ego for his own benefit, because he also recently said to me (with a knowing twinkle in his eye), "Mum, I love Dad. But I love you just a little bit more."

  11. My ten year old daughter has told me that "Dad doesn't yell as much as you" and the 8yo son loves me because I let him go on a train whenever he wants. Which is never.

    3yo doesn't stop still in one spot long enough, but I reckon all I'm good as far as he's concerned is a being a topnotch milo maker.

    Thanks for the laugh x

  12. I shudder to think what my kids might say ;)

  13. I don't dare to ask them. Mr3 is still at the stage where I'm very cool and Mr6 is at the stage where he's working out that I'm seriously not. We might all just live with our illusions a little longer I think.

  14. I was told this morning after my 8 year old finished his piano practice 'I'm so glad I finally have a routine, I've always wanted one'. So I'm pretty sure I don't want to know his assessment of my parenting skills.

    My kids don't seem to have gone through that stage that others talk about where parents are idolised and can do no wrong.

  15. I was talking to my 12 year old tonight saying we'll probably be late to a party on the weekend, the way I said this was "If the party's still kicking we'll be there"
    "Oh mum, please don't try to be cool when you talk"

    I've been thrown to the depths of dagdom.

  16. To answer all Kerri's questions:

    Kids: Good at hair-dos, helpful with homework, a bit shouty towards the end of the day, in fact also at the beginning of the day (as in "get-your-bags, get-in-the-car, move-move-move!!)

    Husband: "Clever thing" (nickname to cover myriad of situations, gets him out of being more descriptive or original).

    Friends: Dreadful at returning phone calls. Fabulous listener, as long as not telling own stories.

    Enemies: Dreadful at listening, as always telling own stories.

  17. Loved this post. Kids are charming little creatures, aren't they?

    Sadly my 3 year old son hasn't developed the skill of being interested in any conversation unless it is about him, but he did manage to something very moving and profound when I asked him what he liked best about his mum, "I like you when you buy me a new garbage truck." My 10 month old daughter (who's first word was dadda - bloody typical) likes me best when she has a boob in her mouth.

    As I said before, charming little creatures :)

  18. It makes me smile thinking of your two sitting down and organising their 'mum' thoughts so eloquently. It reminds me of how exciting it used to be to write a list. Nowadays, not so much.

  19. A great post! That must have been a very enjoyable meeting! It seems you had a lot of fun in here...


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  20. My son had to do a report on me in Kindy! One of the questions was "What is your Mum's favourite drink?" - what exactly are the teachers trying to discover here?? and my son thoughtfully replied "the green can with the V on it" and in littler letters "and beer". Bugger!

  21. I was told this morning after my 8 year old finished his piano practice 'I'm so glad I finally have a routine, I've always wanted one'. So I'm pretty sure I don't want to know his assessment of my parenting skills.

    My kids don't seem to have gone through that stage that others talk about where parents are idolised and can do no wrong.

  22. See how a child has the ability to extract the absolute truth from us. Whereas us adults adulterate the truth to each other at the best of times.


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