April 27, 2010

Bad Hair Life

As a 40 year old woman* who's given birth to three children, there's not all that much about my appearance that I can be thrilled about. What with my varicose veins, wrinkles, pot belly and post-breastfeeding boobies, I'm not quite the young, firm goddess** I used to be.

Still, there's a modicum of atttractiveness that I still cling to, one feature of which I can be rightfully proud: my long, lustrous, curly, brown hair.

So why, oh why, is motherhood conspiring to take that away from me too?

Now, before you jump to conclusions, I am not going grey, and I am certainly not going bald. But my hair is being hijacked in an even more insidious way. By lice.

Yes, my family has been hit by a lice infestation again. As my daughter says, it's like Santa Claus has come and given her lice eggs instead of presents***. A Santa Crawls, if you will. And, though I don't have lice this time, I have had it before (though please do not ask me to speak of it. The memory is still too painful.) So when my daughter has lice, I need to whack on the lice treatment. Otherwise it will be me teeming with hideous insects too, and god knows I've got enough problems to deal with. Like children. And a husband.

It happens time and time again. Off goes my daughter to school, freshly scrubbed and beaming, only to return seven hours laater with dozens of horrid little visitors in her long, fair hair. So not only must I spend hours chasing her around the house, plyinng her with lice-remover and torturing her with a fine-tooth commb, I must then spend my own precious child-free time engaging in evil-smelling preventative anti-lice measures.

No more good hair days for me. I skulk around the house topped with creams and potions, my sticky hair buried under a shower cap for hours at a time. When I venture out, it's with a tight plait slathered in layers of conditioner in the hope that the remaining creatures will perish due to lack of oxygen.

Of course, my husband doesn't have enough hair to warrant treatments, and will never know the torment of dragging a tiny comb through about 20 million hairs. The insects check him out, decide the terrain is too barren, and start looking for other, more fertile heads to plague. Like mine. So, as with weak bladders, cracked nipples, caesarean scars and stretch marks, lice are a cross the mother must bear on her own****.

And now I shall go and rinse the lice foam off my hair, and plaster on some more preventative goo before I venture out in the world. Then I'll pick up the children, with my hair in a bun, hoping that today, my kids are coming home alone.

*using '40' in the sense of 'was 40 very recently'
**using 'goddess' in the sense of 'just your average woman who hasn't given birth to three children
***(quite an interesting metaphor coming from a little Jewish girl)
****except, I suppose, for men with really thick, long hair, but they tend to be World Championship Wrestlers, or rock stars from the 70s, neither group of which is likely to come in contact with young children with lice

21 comments:

  1. And I want to know, if these little bastards don't have knees and therefore cannot jump, how the hell do they get in each others hair? Are our kids greeting each other by rubbing heads?

    It gives me the shits, but touch wood, cross fingers, etc etc, we haven't had them this year. Once, I checked the base of Maddies skull and found, I shit you not, about 5000 empty egg sacks. GAG. How did this happen?

    Ahh, all I can hope is that year 6 is the end. Am I kidding myself?

    Can relate, enjoy Melbs :)

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  2. I've suffered them once in my adult life (that I know of). I hope that I don't get them again because it's so awful getting rid of them and I have no-one who can check my head so I am constantly thinking "Is it lice or just an itch?" I've not spotted any on either of my children for some years (please don't be jinxing myself) so I'm fairly sure it's eczema.

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  3. The good news is by the time they get to High School head lice are usually a thing of the past. I had about 3 years of full on head lice with my boys. I too have long wavy hair and your post brought back memories of spending days with conditioner plastered in my hair! Ah the joys.

    I recall a business trip to Sydney and was sitting in a meeting when the itch's started - yep - nits. Great just what I need on a business trip. Let's just say it was interesting and not something I could easily share with my colleagues - most who didn't have children!

    So glad that is all behind me now.

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  4. Fortunately we haven't had lice here (yet) but then my daughters are not at school yet.
    When I was teaching, lice was rife with the junior grades but we had kind mums who had volunteered to check the children's hair for head lice. This did seem to help. As a preventative measure I wore my hair up.

    Hope it improves for you.
    Jennifer (jjbd)

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  5. When my son and daughter were in primary school they had a "lice action day" where everyone had to use the horrible shampoo on a set day even if you didn't have them! I wish I could say that primary school was the end of them but it continued through high school and even today my daughter (who is 18) is paranoid that she has them every time she gets a slight scalp itch!

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  6. Having spent this weekend slathering mine and my own offspring's hair in chemicals because my condition and comb approach wasn't getting the results I wanted. As in, lie down and die will you? I sympathise. I hadn't meant to sound facetious on twitter. And amidst your sorrow and suffering, can I just say, I am a wee bit jealous of your incredible sounding hair. When it's not a walking chemical plant that is.

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  7. A friend of mine swears by spraying her kids hair with water that has tea tree oil & lavender oil in it. They always smell nice too.

    My boys have only had it once. The hairdresser discovered it when they were sitting in the chair. I will never forget the look of horror she gave me. We slunk out of there, heads hanging in shame. And have never been back. Had to use the clippers on their hair, and get a new hairdresser to clean up the mess I made of them. I am NOT a natural hairdresser, as it turns out.

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  8. Ahhhhh....nits. My daughter was back at school from the Easter break for FIVE days when the little critters reappeared. Bugger bugger bugger.

    So far we have got away with the condition and comb method and I am grateful for her shoulder length thin hair.

    And after every bout of nits she has I colour my hair. I have no idea if the chemicals in hair dye really kill the little buggers, but it gives me peace of mind.

    But I dread my own hair cuts. I sit there all tense, waiting for the hairdresser to tell me "Sorry, I can't cut your hits cause you have NITS!"

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  9. Oh dear, I think I can smell you from here!!

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  10. Gawd, my head is feeling itchy at the very thought. I heard the other day that there are actually head lice clinics in Melbourne, imagine it, whole clinics devoted to the horrid little buggers. Ick. So far with a combination of tight french braids and a spray of Quit Nits each morning we have managed to escape the latest rounds of head lice.

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  11. *Shudder*

    This brings back (bad) memories of the lice that infested The Ansted House a while back. We treated the boys, and then when I found them in MY hair, we'd run out of treatment. I had to sleep that night knowing that the little buggers were crawling around my head. It was the worst night's sleep EVER.

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  12. Oh it is awful is it not - we have had continual lice for a year and three months - we are now down to 3-5 lice and no nits each! hoorah! But lord it is horrific. I too have long hair (thankfully not curly - the only time I will ever be greatful my hair is not curly) but it is a nightmare to comb...you have my sympathy , empathy and licepathy.

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  13. I am too scared to comment in case I jinx myself. I'm going to say/type it fast 'my kids have never had nits'. There. I know we've been sooo lucky, and that possibly this is because I don't wash their hair much!?! We got a note about nits home from school just yesterday, so I am REALLY hoping that it is not our turn.

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  14. I know your pain. I spent far too many hours combing and picking at nits than I care to count.

    I hate freaking out at the hairdressers that I 'might' have them... and wondering what they say if/when they discover them.

    Nasty little critters. x

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  15. As others have said, tie the hair up in plaits or pony tails and spray with the tea tree and lavendar stuff. Apparently this works a treat. Or you could do what I do and keep your child's hair quite short (not boy short, but definitely 1920s flapper short).

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  16. I once too great solace in the fact that the lice bottle said "Do not use on children aged under 6 months" as I comed 20 billion of the suckers out of my 10 month old baby's hair (courtesy of older brothers)

    T'was with a smug grin that I figured there must have been mothers before me that had to comb it out of much younger children's hair.

    The smug grin was before I located several (thousand) on my own head.

    Could you not just leave the kids at school? Then there is little to no chance of brining anything or anyone else home with them ... just a thought ...

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  17. Funny, but when I was a kid, I never had head lice. Mind you, I was born in the UK, so they probably froze to death before they got to me.... ;-)

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  18. As others have said, tie the hair up in plaits or pony tails and spray with the tea tree and lavendar stuff. Apparently this works a treat. Or you could do what I do and keep your child's hair quite short (not boy short, but definitely 1920s flapper short).

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh it is awful is it not - we have had continual lice for a year and three months - we are now down to 3-5 lice and no nits each! hoorah! But lord it is horrific. I too have long hair (thankfully not curly - the only time I will ever be greatful my hair is not curly) but it is a nightmare to comb...you have my sympathy , empathy and licepathy.

    ReplyDelete
  20. A friend of mine swears by spraying her kids hair with water that has tea tree oil & lavender oil in it. They always smell nice too.

    My boys have only had it once. The hairdresser discovered it when they were sitting in the chair. I will never forget the look of horror she gave me. We slunk out of there, heads hanging in shame. And have never been back. Had to use the clippers on their hair, and get a new hairdresser to clean up the mess I made of them. I am NOT a natural hairdresser, as it turns out.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Fortunately we haven't had lice here (yet) but then my daughters are not at school yet.
    When I was teaching, lice was rife with the junior grades but we had kind mums who had volunteered to check the children's hair for head lice. This did seem to help. As a preventative measure I wore my hair up.

    Hope it improves for you.
    Jennifer (jjbd)

    ReplyDelete

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