March 30, 2010

Scissors & Cornflakes So Mum Can Stay Sane

I am stuck at home with two kids with the chicken pox, and I am longing for some time alone. Desperately. I haven't had quality time to myself since, approximately, an exceptionally long time ago, and no time alone at all since my brief trip to the supermarket last week (which was heavenly, particularly the fifteen minutes spent browsing the biscuit aisle).

I have set out a series of activities for the day, all of which are designed to maximise the time that my eight year old daughter and her toddler sister can entertain themselves and each other, so that I can slink away to do more important things, like have a shower, drink a cup of coffee in peace, and respond to the 25,000 emails in my in-box (some of which are not even from kindly and munificent Nigerians offering me their great fortune in return for minor details such as account numbers).

The activities include:
  • Watching TV. A lot. They can watch as much as they want, and then a little bit more. And when they think they can't watch another minute, they can return to the television and watch again. I want them to watch until it hurts.
  • Scissor play. The girls can cut out pictures from newspapers and magazines and stick them into scrapbooks. And when they're tired of cutting out pictures they can cut up old books and their old clothes, trim their nails, and, finally, cut each other's hair. The results might be unsightly, but if it buys me some time in the bath, it's worth it.

  • Nutella time. This involves handing the toddler a jar of Nutella and a spoon. I wander off for half an hour of Me Time, and when I return, she is groaning contentedly in a corner, coated in chocolate, with a look of drunken satiation on her filthy face. This also leads neatly to the next activity, which is...

  • Bath time. Fill the tub up with water and some toys, dunk in two children, and retire with a cup of tea and a book. Kids are ready to be removed when they are shrivelled and prune-like and the entire bathroom is drenched. This entire procedure may be repeated in the evening, for, although the kids are clearly not going to get dirty sitting around the house doing nothing, you can never - I repeat, never - be clean enough.

  • The cornflake game. Offer the kids bowls of cornflakes to eat. The eight year old will happily eat her bowl (she happily eats bowls of pretty much anything) which will keep her occupied for a while. The toddler will yell 'No! Yucky confake!' and throw her bowl on the floor, before proceeding to climb down from her chair, stomp on the flakes happily for twenty minutes or so, then rub them into the carpet. I will need to vacuum, of course, but at least I can eat my lunch first. (Not confakes. Are you kidding me?)
So what about you? Ever gone stir crazy stuck at home with kids? Or without????

22 comments:

  1. I am stuck at home with one sick & one well at the moment. I think your scissor idea sounds tops, so will introduce it tomorrow. Expect to be shopping for new clothes, linens, and soft furnishings on Friday. I'd go for the Nutella idea, but I think I ate it all as the boys ran around me screaming and setting fires in the house this arvo.

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  2. I had 2 at home for 4 1/2 days in a row last week after my 5yo put his tooth through his lip at school (he's only been at school for 1 term & I'd already forgotten how much harder it is to have 2 at home...and here come school holidays!)
    My 2yo was playing a game with me this morning and walked out, said 'bye' and shut her door...leaving me in her room, all alone, with the door closed!! Heaven!!! It only lasted for a minute but it was bliss.

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  3. Am currently at home trying to pack so we can move 5000km away for the next year on Sunday. In a cruel twist of fate, kids are also home on school holidays. Have so far employed the TV method, interspersed with the PC method, followed up by the shouty shouty get the heck out of my face method. Sadly, the scissors and Nutella are already packed, but have been bribing easter eggs for whoever can go five minutes without needing me to solve level 15 or to check their itchy botttom. Cadbury is loving me today.
    Hope yours are better soon and you can resume you usual sophisticated life :)

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  4. The "Worst Winter of my Life"
    I almost lost my intense LOVE for Winter along with my will to live.
    3 kids under 6 all with chicken pox...PRE-immunisation days.
    My son, my youngest at 2, had them on his eyelids and his penis!
    Cold, rainy, indoors weather. TRAPPED with 3 miserable children for almost 2 weeks.
    Surviving on a single, minimum-wage income.
    To this day, I do not know how we all made it out of there ALIVE.

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  5. Scissors and nutella are a cure for anything. Cooking muffins (if you can bear it) also works. If all else fails, go to bed with a book (and pretend you can't hear them).

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  6. Pahahaha I just fed toddler in a catlike manner ... ie bowl on the floor and shook then tipped nutri grain into it, so I could take a phone call.

    Ahem ... a phone call about bad mothering ...

    Sometimes, I also have tantrums so they will shake their heads and wander off and leave me alone ...

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  7. Okay, reading Frankly Feisty's comment made me gasp in horror...and commit to not complaining about being stuck with my children.
    But seeing as I have a fear of commitment, I'm sure it's likely to last only 5 mins.
    But, really, I FEEL for you Feisty! You and your fam should be on that Discovery channel series "I Shouldn't Be Alive"

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  8. Thanks Writergrrl X
    Thankfully it was a looong time ago, but still makes me shudder...I seem to remember we survived on colouring-in, dot-to-dot books, fuzzy felt, The Little Mermaid - we all learned every word to EVERY song and the actions too, Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club & 16 Candles, Ferris, Degrassi Junior High and it may have been the year I introduced my children to Mr Frank-N-Furter. Yes that's right the kids were 2, 4 and 6 but I was a very young Mumma and I had to SURVIVE and to this day they all know how to "jump to the left"!

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  9. I have never gone stir crazy at home, on my own. I love it.In fact, I actively encourage Mrs F to have a facial, massage or shopping trip, just to get her out of the house. It'll probably bankrupt me, but at least I'll be a happy bankrupt.....

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  10. Brave brave man Fender4eva...
    I am biting my tongue, HARD.

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  11. Hi Kerri, your post brings back memories or more accurately nightmares of a time when my 2 year old son had his tonsils and adenoids removed followed by my 4 year old son undergoing plastic surgery on his figure two days later! (a door slammed on it).
    I spent the night with each of them in a different hospital while they had surgery.
    Came home to care for them and dose them up on Pain Stop while their Dad was internationally deployed.
    Looking back I wonder how I survived :)
    By the time they were well again I remember craving some time to myself, despite to be alone.
    And of course Dad came home to two healthy little guys, unable to comprehend the extent of what we had experienced.

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  12. Frankly Feisty. My bride and I, have been married 35 years. Time alone, is a blessing. Trust me.........

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  13. Oh I can't STAND it I'm gonna burst!
    MRS F, bride, facial/massage/shopping, bankrupt because of HER spending...somebody STOP me
    Wait-a-minute this is a set-up right?
    RIGHT?
    Oh I'm such a sucker

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  14. Come in Spinner............ ;-D

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

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  17. Oh wow - best of luck and much empathy - actually 2yr old and then baby both sick for a month literally sent me first into a general hospital with their bug then into a mental hospital with PND....I admire ANYONE who can do it - I certainly still can't - it is a full on phobia - I flee - thankfully their dad is rather lassiez faire and works from home - so they get dumped with him...although were they in hospital I think I'd be okay...I hope...dr's on call etc. (wow major mother fail, hey :s)

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  18. Well I cant say i have been stuck inside with sick little ones, but I can say a trip to the toy section of the local department store might help, just check out the inventory of great things to be found there: http://rubytwoshoes.wordpress.com/2010/03/31/state-of-play/

    (sorry to leave link droppings all over your page, it was just amusingly relevant!)

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  19. my sister just introduced me 2 your blog love it. U asked 4 feedback earlier my advise...leave out the "tell me your experiences" and "what do u think" comes across as 2 needy! Ur v funny word of mouth will get u there.

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  20. Luckily I don't get cabin fever. I have a 4 yo and 2 yo. I'm unable to drive due to poor vision so I'm quite used to staying in. My husband also works quite long hours and we have no support system here.

    However, when I really want a little peace and quiet. I tell my 4 yo (who can talk under water with a mouth full of marbles, by the way) that he has to play outside ... when he tries to come inside I tell him that if he comes in it is time to clean his room / toys up. LOL It's a winner.

    I almost went stir crazy, when my daughter was 3 months and my son 2 yrs 3 months, my husband got quite sick for six months and was in and out of hospital for 3 of them. I am unable to drive and didn't have any support. I am amazed we survived THAT. LOL

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  21. Once I had to baby sit my small cousin. By the end of this experience I was about ready to sit on the baby. Possibly while smothering her with a pillow. Or a brick. Back to the point, to entertain said cousin-who adores shiny objects-I handed her a fork and went to do my science project. I returned just in time to stop small cousin from shoving the fork in a socket. I intervened, albeit reluctantly. Really I did. Honest.

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  22. Hi Kerri, your post brings back memories or more accurately nightmares of a time when my 2 year old son had his tonsils and adenoids removed followed by my 4 year old son undergoing plastic surgery on his figure two days later! (a door slammed on it).
    I spent the night with each of them in a different hospital while they had surgery.
    Came home to care for them and dose them up on Pain Stop while their Dad was internationally deployed.
    Looking back I wonder how I survived :)
    By the time they were well again I remember craving some time to myself, despite to be alone.
    And of course Dad came home to two healthy little guys, unable to comprehend the extent of what we had experienced.

    ReplyDelete

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