June 7, 2009

Simon Says Sex

Wednesday nights are great for my husband and I. It's the night I get to watch The Mentalist, and the night my husband gets lucky.

My husband isn't particularly keen on The Mentalist, but he's always delighted when it's on. Because The Mentalist stars my ultimate fantasy man, Simon Baker. And when the show is over, and Simon doesn't magically come knocking at my door, I have to do something with all that pent up sexual energy. And my husband is there... and he is very willing to oblige. And did I mention he is there?

I love a good fantasy. For a while before I got together with my husband, he was my fantasy man. Thing is, after 11 years of marriage, he's in my reality just a little too much to be in my fantasies all the time too. Hence Simon.

I've had other fantasy men at different points (Mr Big from Sex & The City, Dr McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy, Joey Perrone from Young Talent Time) but Simon fits my current needs nicely. He's gorgeous, Australian (so conceivably could end up down the road one day), a father (so conceivably could end up down the road with his kids, who could start a conversation with mine) and married to someone with three children (so conceivably wouldn't object to a woman with post-breastfeeding boobs and pelvic floor issues). And did I mention he's gorgeous?

Fantasies can be fabulous for marital sex. After all, no matter how hot your partner is, after years of living with them they're unlikely to make you tingle every time you brush past them on the way to the kitchen. (If they did, you'd probably be dead of a heart attack by now.)

And celebrities are far better (and safer) fodder for fantasy than real people. Real people are generally totally disappointing, and if they're not - if they really are worthy of our desire and dreams - then far too dangerous to be fantasizing about. I mean, I have no problem with my husband thinking lewd thoughts of Angelina, but lewd thoughts about one of my friends, or the girl who sits next to him at work? More of a problem.

So bring on The Mentalist and Wednesday night sex.

And if I don't want sex, I have to make sure my husband isn't watching Nigella Bites. Gets him the mood first time, every time.

My hubby and I.
Just spicing things up a bit.


  1. A too funny post! loved it...

  2. Vin Diesel...he's my man...close second Daniel "James Bond" Craig (there's something about that "finger-sucking" scene with Eva Green) gets me "excited" everytime...hahaha...

  3. loved it loved it loved it. I think a thank you to me is in order for arranging those wonderful masks. I never thought they'd come in use for a blog....i was certain they would get used for other things though!!!

  4. Ah hah haaaaaaaa loved it. Brilliant post. So cheeeeky. ;) carm

  5. Funny blog! Will be hard to remove thought of you getting lucky every Wed night now, so I'll instead give you a "wooo, go Kerri" cheer in my head while I'm watching Family Guy.
    Mine would be...Patrick Dempsey, or.. yeah Vin Diesel's pretty damn sexy, or...Jamie Oliver. Yep! I just love a funny guy who's cute, got an adorable accent, and can cook up a storm!

  6. great post!
    my fantasy men are christian bale, johnny depp and james franco and a really really good looking guy at work named justin.

  7. I can totally relate because Simon's my ultimate dream man too. I've had a huge crush on him since he was in E Street. Did you know he once posed completely nude for an art magazine called Wallpaper (when he was a model)? I have the issue but its in storage in Australia. He was cute when he was younger but like a fine wine he's getting better with age. He's devine! I totally don't go for blondes but he's my one weakness. Just don't call your Hubby Simon in the heat of the moment. Meow.

  8. Ah hah haaaaaaaa loved it. Brilliant post. So cheeeeky. ;) carm


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