Married. AGAIN????

Two friends of mine in the U.S. recently got married. She wore white, with flowers in her hair, and was radiantly beautiful as she walked down the aisle. He wore a tux, and looked darkly handsome as he waited for his bride.

I was happy for them but I didn’t bother sending a gift. I thought the whole thing was a bit silly, really. You see, my friends were already married to each other. They were simply renewing their vows.

I cannot imagine anything that would inspire me to take a trip back down the aisle again, especially with the person I'm already married to. I love my husband, but marrying him once was more than enough. I know there are plenty of reasons to renew one's vows, but none of them make much sense to me.

For example:

To show that you would still choose to marry your husband, even if you just met him today.

Well, yes, I suppose I would marry my husband if I met him today, but this is largely because we have three kids together, not to mention a bank account, a mortgage and a rabbit, and it would be very inconvenient to marry someone else. But would I marry my husband if we weren’t already married? I don't know!!! Chances are I’d be married to someone else by now and have three kids and a mortgage with them, so no matter how fabulous my husband was I wouldn’t even notice him. And if I did somehow notice him, hopefully I’d be loyal enough to my alternate husband that I would just look away. After all, it would be kind of messy to change partners at this point, particularly with all those kids...

To show that you’re still happily married.

Well, some days I’m happy and some days I’m not. It depends on what kind of mood I’m in and whether my husband has remembered to put his boxers in the laundry.

To show that you’re still committed to your marriage.

Well obviously I’m committed. I’m still here, aren’t I? I mean, it’s not like I haven’t had other offers! (Okay, so I haven’t had other offers, but I’m sure I would if I just put some feelers out and maybe wore a padded bra once in a while.) The very fact of my presence is indication enough that I plan to stay married, at least for the rest of the day.

As an excuse to have a big party.

Well, there’s nothing at all wrong with throwing a party. But a wedding party? My god, we barely survived organising the first wedding, let alone a second. With all the decisions involved – choosing a cake, a venue, a menu, the flowers, the dress, not to mention settling on a guest list – we’d be lucky not to kill each other before the big day. Remember, neither of us is on our best behaviour any more. We’re married, after all.

For the romance.

Yeah, yeah. I’m sure that renewing one’s vows is no doubt very romantic, and no doubt my husband would look very nice in his suit. But realistically, it’s not like I haven’t seen him in his suit about twenty thousand times before. And as for the wedding night, well, it’s not like we haven’t had sex approximately twenty BILLION times before. I’m sure it would be nice, but hardly white-veil-and-garter-worthy material.

So in the end, Vow Renewal just doesn’t work for me. But a second honeymoon? Without the kids? Now that sounds like a mighty fine idea.