Do you ever wish that there was a DELETE button for conversations?
It happens to me all the time. I'll blurt something out and immediately realise the words came out wrong, and I wish wish wish I could take them back. Or the words might come out exactly the way I meant them, but I really only meant them for a second or two, in anger or frustration or hurt. But when the second passes, and I don't mean them anymore, they hang in the air, spoken, forever. And I long to press DELETE. Just wipe out the moment and start the conversation again, all fresh and new and unsullied by my own emotion.
Or I'll have an entire discussion when I'm in an unhappy mood - overwhelmed or insecure or anxious or sad - and I'll just act overwhelmed or insecure or anxious or sad. All.... messy. All.... wrong. And then my overwhelmedness and insecurity and anxiety and sadness gets worse, because I know I've sounded pathetic, and I worry that the person I was speaking to will think less of me.
And I long long long for DELETE.
As for emails and texts, I'm starting to think there should be a compulsory waiting period of at least five full minutes between hitting SEND and the message's release into the interweb. How many times have I sent off an email on impulse, or in the heat of passion, or in the fire of anger, or in the sudden warmth of a memory, only to regret it a moment later? And how many times have I received a reply to a message sent in haste, only to cringe in hot embarrassment when I realise my message has been misunderstood?
I want a DELETE button for life. I want a remote control to carry around with me, to get rid of mistakes, to wipe out misunderstandings, to avoid the need to ever again feel regret and shame.
But then life wouldn't be life. It would be a story without a complication. And the complications are what make the story worth reading.
So I'll live without DELETE, and I'll suck up my mistakes. And today, as always, I'll just deal.
I'm glad you can't delete. I'm glad we get all of you. A messy Kerri is WAY more interesting and definitely preferable to a boring perfect one.
ReplyDeleteIt's a cliche, but the people that love you love you anyway.
*puts hand up and waves it around* *messily*
I'm thinking really carefully about my comment. And I'll wait 5 minutes before posting.
ReplyDeleteNot really. Because you also get absolute gems in a rush of emotion too. You might say exactly the right thing to someone at exactly the right time if you spontaneously respond or react to what they are saying.
So I agree with you... life is the good and the bad, and that's what makes it fab. (But yes, sometimes I wish I could take stuff back too!)
what they both said. I'd rather a real you, albeit sometimes slightly messy, than someone who has the labor party speech writer preparing their words. Stay as you are. In the words of Ms Dovic - love your guts.
ReplyDeleteI completely know what you mean. I regularly wish for such a thing. And wish it also for other people. At the very least, a CONSIDER button for life.
ReplyDeleteSince there isn't, I usually just blow raspberries at people if I or they say something in a moment I or they may regret later. And who are these people that say they never regret anything? Pffft, I say. Perhaps not sensible but reasonable, right? ;)
I have the opposite problem. I worry so much about hurting someone, or something coming out wrong, that the words never get out. My mum used to go on so much about how words can hurt, that I struggle to express myself at all in conflict situations. I'd rather have your problem Kerri. :-)
ReplyDeleteI so disagree with comments so far made! I wish there was a delete button...on twitter, facebook, emails, life...I say so many things I regret or feel I could have said better.
ReplyDeleteYes, I want a delete button - a fifteen minute...or fifteen hour pause button...where I could stop myself saying truly ridiculous things.
Because I end up in tears so many times...
and this is sadly the truth.
I once sent a moaning, bitchy text message about my flatmate to my boyfriend. Well, I thought I did, until I heard my flatmate's phone 'beep beep' through the wall of her bedroom. Heart sunk as I looked down at my phone and saw her name in the 'to' field. Awkward...
ReplyDeleteAh. I can't remember a whole lot of what I said to you when pissed as a nit that Friday night. I think I need a go back and do it better button. We all fuck up. To err is human and tomorrow's another day. Unless you're on death row, then well, you're screwed.
ReplyDeleteYes ..at times I can see that I've said / written much to regret but it keeps me real.
ReplyDeleteKerri, just as Annie & Kylie wrote, you wouldn't be you ..
However, as a person who has tweeted without thinking through who might see those tweets .. Ie DMs into public timeline.. Personal info too which should have stayed in my head:-
There is an APP for that ... Called;
Last Night Never Happened.
So on Twitter, the app rolls back time & deletes tweets, DMs etc.
How good is that! And I've used it twice so far :-)
Above post was mine, Denyse .. Not anon ..
ReplyDeleteI spend so much time worrying about things I've said, trying to remember what I said, and wishing I could re-say things to people so I didn't look like such an eedjit. And that's now...when I don't drink. Can you imagine what I was like the morning after a couple the night before? Paranoid doesn't come close. But a life well-censored is a life...well...half-lived. I love reading ALL of you.
ReplyDeleteI want to delete a convo I had yesterday with my son's best friends mum who has called me Jackie all year and I thought it was about time I corrected her. Bad x
ReplyDeleteI tend to say/do things without thinking at times, but I like to think that happens for a reason and I'll learn something from it. I tend to make assumptions when I shouldn't, and I'm learning not to do that these days! ;) x
ReplyDeleteContext is EVERYTHING. And it shifts so fast sometimes. And yes, this year more than any other I have regretted profoundly emails I have sent and words I have spoken. Hard, painful lessons learned. If there had been a delete button for those fuck up moments of mine, because I really cannot convey mu utter regret about them more adequately, that would have been awesome.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had a Hangover Delete button, but not so much the other stuff.
ReplyDeleteWhile I totally get what you are saying Kerri, I also agree with the others, no doubt some of the time when something gets blurted out, it is exactly what needed to be said, no self-censorship. And when it isn't, it's okay- like you said, just deal. It's all about being human, makes us think a bit more next time, and what I like to call 'the crunchy truth'. We also learn from others' reactions. The wonderfully imperfect Kerri is the whole you Lovely, X.
Bek, I hear you. I know too well what it's like to internalise stuff for either dread of confrontation, or downplay an issue as not big enough to let someone know you're not okay with it. Not great either. I don't know which is worse- flying off the handle or silently stewing!
PS Oh my goodness Denyse, that is hysterical, you App Queen! :D
Oh K-Sack .... I HEAR YOU!
ReplyDeleteBut, you know what ... our whole human existence is getting more and more homogenised and PC every day. I say, be messy. In our hearts and in our heads. It's good to let our guards down every once in a while.
xo
What about a record button? So we can all have a good laugh at ourselves? Only husbands are never allowed to use.
ReplyDeleteNow that you are a published AUTHOR *and the crowd roars* you could implement some of the industry norms to normal life. Drafts, edits, corrections and hours of agonising before anything comes to fruition.
ReplyDeleteBut I ask, where is the fun in that?
Be who you are.
To err is human but to arr is pirate.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how that helps you but I just thought I'd put that out there.
I think a delete button would be ace
ReplyDeleteI would quite like a finger of death too. I promise to use it judiciously.
I would quite like to climb through computer screens and bitch slap the person on the other side.
Guess I would settle for a cuppa though
My above comment was too long, and employed some use of thinking aloud. But I can't delete it, or even edit it so...that's life, baby!
ReplyDeletei can answer from both sides … i sway from sucking down all the stuff i REALLY want to say, to blurting it all out and to hell with the consequences.
ReplyDeletewhen i suck it down, i spend the next week having the conversation i wanted to have in my head.
when i blurt it out, i spend the rest of the week justifying what i said to myself, then mending bridges to the people i offloaded onto.
but every now and then, i realise i said EXACTLY what i needed to say, and if i turn the other person away, then maybe that was what i needed to do. your very best friends will stick by you, and maybe the others don't matter anyway …
xt
So at least you can use gmail and their app for exactly that - it waits a pre-determined length of time (say, five minutes) before actually sending your email, giving you that all-important few moments to reconsider. Thay also do an app that helps prevent drunken emailing, by asking you tricky arithmetic questions etc - very useful!
ReplyDeleteNo, I don't want a delete button - I want a "you know me well enough to know what I mean" button and a "don't judge me, just listen" button. But I agree with Kylie L - people who love you, love you. And as my Mr 9 would say "Full Stop.Lock." x
ReplyDeleteI have massive issues with short-term memory because there's something a bit wrong with my brain. So I'm always forgetting who people are. Very rarely do I come out and tell them that it's a "disorder" and all that stupid medical-speak. That's just dumb. But after having forgotten someone's identity a third or fourth time, I am always torturing myself, replaying the awkward moment again and again. I even lose sleep over it. If I had a "delete" button I would totally use it for all of those terrible moments! :(
ReplyDeleteKerri,age has it's advantages. Well, none really, but there comes a time where you begin not to give a fuck what other people say about you, or even if they like you, or not. We see the real Kerri, and thats the one we love .....
ReplyDeleteSitting here quietly catching up on blog posts and listening with one ear to TV, and who should pop up on ACA? Our own Kerri Sackville blogger extrordinaire!
ReplyDeleteOr was it Today Tonight?
Anyway, you waz arguing a point against Dicko Smith...
Kerri, there's a very cute song by American folk singer Carrie Newcomer called Don't Push Send! (you can find it on YouTube) that echo exactly what you're saying!
ReplyDeleteKerri, there's a very cute song by American folk singer Carrie Newcomer called Don't Push Send! (you can find it on YouTube) that echo exactly what you're saying!
ReplyDeleteTo err is human but to arr is pirate.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how that helps you but I just thought I'd put that out there.
Oh K-Sack .... I HEAR YOU!
ReplyDeleteBut, you know what ... our whole human existence is getting more and more homogenised and PC every day. I say, be messy. In our hearts and in our heads. It's good to let our guards down every once in a while.
xo
I want to delete a convo I had yesterday with my son's best friends mum who has called me Jackie all year and I thought it was about time I corrected her. Bad x
ReplyDeleteI spend so much time worrying about things I've said, trying to remember what I said, and wishing I could re-say things to people so I didn't look like such an eedjit. And that's now...when I don't drink. Can you imagine what I was like the morning after a couple the night before? Paranoid doesn't come close. But a life well-censored is a life...well...half-lived. I love reading ALL of you.
ReplyDeleteI once sent a moaning, bitchy text message about my flatmate to my boyfriend. Well, I thought I did, until I heard my flatmate's phone 'beep beep' through the wall of her bedroom. Heart sunk as I looked down at my phone and saw her name in the 'to' field. Awkward...
ReplyDeleteNow that you are a published AUTHOR *and the crowd roars* you could implement some of the industry norms to normal life. Drafts, edits, corrections and hours of agonising before anything comes to fruition.
ReplyDeleteBut I ask, where is the fun in that?
Be who you are.