June 1, 2012

My New Venture

It was alleged today that Chinese actress Zhang Ziyi was paid more than $100 million to sleep with several powerful men (presumably not at once). The world has reacted with shock and horror. She's a prostitute! That beautiful, talented actress is just a whore!

I have also reacted with shock and horror. You can earn $100 million from sex??? Oh. My. GOD. It's a revelation. So far all I've earned from sex is an orgasm or two and a grateful cuddle from my husband at the end of the night. $100 million??? Seriously?

Bring. It. On.

I have nothing against prostitution in either theory or practice. It's a service like any other, there is a market for it, and provided that the service providers are acting out of free will and not coerced by slavery/drugs/pimps etc (which, of course, they so often are), then all power to them.

Still, it's definitely not for me. I mean, if Simon Baker wanted to pay me for sex I'd be all for it (and Simon, if you're reading, my current fee is five cents per day), but I wouldn't want some random, sweaty, hairy man in my bed for a couple of hundred dollars an hour. Ugh.

But that's before I read about Zhang Ziyi. Because it's not a couple of hundred dollars an hour at all. It's a couple of million. And I don't care how sweaty or hairy you are, for a couple of million I'll put up with you. Hell, it's just an hour of my time. And quite frankly, if you're so desperately into me that you're willling to pay a couple of million dollars, I suspect it's going to be a lot less than that.

So men, I am up for sale. Two million dollars a pop.

But Simon, I am all yours. For free.
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19 comments:

  1. DottyJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:19 AM

    What perfect timing. My friends and I just went on a 'excursion' of a very well known brothel to learn more about it. Let's just say it was very eye-opening to 25 very suburban mums. We could ask any questions and yes, the girls earn heaps more than we do!!!!! But still they do not charge $2,000,000 a pop.

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  2. Josh HackettJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:30 AM

     Australia, Canadian, New Zealand or US dollars?

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  3. Stephen CJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:34 AM

    LOL... Coincidentally $2 million is what I charge too. 

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  4. CaseyJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:34 AM

    Actually had this discussion with the playgroup mums... Was surprised (and quietly impressed) by the number  that happily oblige their husbands/partners in exchange for extra bonus shopping $$$... Mmmm thinking I wouldn't mind a little shopping spree myself lol...

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  5. Mrs WoogJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    And a bargain at that! I hear you are very bendy xx

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  6. SirbearofsydneyJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    Please write a book about your new profession Kerri! Possible title : Confessions from a Working Girl's Life??

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  7. Tamsin HowseJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    Yes! I have no objection to prostitution either, and I don't think I could do it personally, but I am 100% in favour of it as an alternative to picking up a random. Why would you spend a stack of money buying someone drinks just to get them drunk, take them home, have them MAYBE sleep with you and then MAYBE give you a disease... or rob you... or any of the other risks.

    Just go pay someone, then there's no charade. (Note: If you are looking for love, that's a different ball game)

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  8. Kylie LJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    You could probably make almost as much just mailing out your used undies to clients. Or I could.

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  9. vic@mummyatemeJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    OMG I love this. You are hilarious and that is all so true.
    I strongly suspect, that if I could earn $100 million by having sex my husband would not only encourage me, he would drive me to the other guy's house : )
    http://mummyateme.blogspot.com.au/

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  10. fender4evaJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    Kerri, I've started saving. Do I get a Senior's discount ?

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  11. riverJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    $100,000,000??
    One Hundred Million dollars??
    sheesh! I spent 40 years giving it away for free!
    I didn't even use sex to get a few extra budget dollars from the hubby.
    I'd be wary of someone offering me really big bucks for sex though, maybe he'd be into kinky or painful stuff and I really don't want to get hurt or dead. Of course if he could guarantee the outcome, paid upfront and was disease free, then I'd maybe think about it. Maybe.

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  12. CharlotteJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    I have to agree--yes for $2,000,000.  And free for Simon.  Fun post.

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  13. fender4evaJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    Um, sorry. I could buy a Ferrari for that, and I'd be cruisin', from then on  ;P

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  14. Deborah CookJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    Hey, I'm in the midst of a rather long drought... I am thinking I might even give it away.... 

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  15. ChelsJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    Nice one. I'm thinking one weekend's work and I'd never have to work again. Where do I sign up? 

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  16. kellyukJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    Now Now..Kerri..form an orderly queue for Simon..and No pushing ..lol

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  17. LILLY L TAYLORJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    You are funny, nice girl Kerry Sackville.  Yes! to Simon Baker. 

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  18. Mum on the RunJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    Man, the hours upon hours in the classroom to earn that VS an hour in the sack?
    (And probably a little beautician intervention prior.)
    Sorry, kids.
    It's a no-brainer.
    :-) xx

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  19. Al McKillopJanuary 13, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    Mates rates? :)

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