December 20, 2010

Booing In The Mall

So I was in Westfield Bondi Junction today.

This is not an unusual event. I spend a great deal of my free time in Westfield BJ. It has everything I could want in a holiday - er, shopping - destination: a variety of food, excellent coffee, clean toilets, my favourite boutiques, a movie theatre, and a place where you can get a sage Chinese therapist to give you a 20 minute massage that will absolutely blow your mind (or the tendons in your shoulders, depending on how hard he kneads).

Shopping alone in Westfield is wonderfully relaxing. Unfortunately, I only get to do that about once in never-at-all, as I am always burdened - er, accompanied - by one or all of my 107 children. Today, that child was three year old Boo.

Boo can be magnificent to shop with. She stops in the middle of the mall and entertains the troops with spontaneous dances to music in her own head. She tells everyone her name - even without being asked - and offers intimate, unsolicited information about her recent adventures in toileting, and her plans to go to 'big school kindy' next year.

However, Boo can also be fairly exhausting company. She runs away, frequently, to look at irresistible items in shop windows, such as 'Sale' signs and mannequins' feet. She insists on pushing the pram, which is generous and thoughtful, but limits our pace to approximately three steps per minute. And she wants to buy everything in sight, from jelly beans to cheese pockets to Kinder Surprises to fluffy teddies to the mannequins' feet, and will express her discontent rather loudly if her desires are thwarted. Which they are. Er, occasionally. I do give in some of the time. Using 'some' in the sense of 'shamefully often'. She's my baby, after all.....

But I digress.

Today, Boo caused a massive pile up on Escalator 12 of Westfield Bondi Junction (actually I have no idea what number escalator it is, I just made that up because it sounds good). ANYWAY... she insisted on pushing the pram by herself whilst high on jelly beans, and I was too tired (read 'disgracefully weak') to stop her. All went well as we navigated ourselves through Level 2 at around one kilometre per day, boarded Escalator Whatever, and began our descent. The problem began when we reached the bottom. Boo decided she rather liked the escalator and wanted to stay. Of course, as she was holding the pram, this had to stay too.

Unfortunately, the six young men behind us didn't seem as fond of the escalator as she was, because they appeared quite intent on disembarking (not surprising, as the alternative would have been to jog up the escalator backwards at double speed). The result was a massive one little girl / one woman / six man / one stroller pile up on Escalator Number Who Cares. And it was scary. So scary, in fact, that when we managed to disentangle ourselves from the stroller and the six men, my heart was pounding, Boo was quite deflated, and we were both ready to go home for a nap.

So the moral of the story is: always discipline your children, at least more than I do. But if you don't, I really wouldn't worry. Even if you lose control of them, a few rides on the Escalator Of Doom will get them sorted out in no time.

And now, I am self-medicating for shock. Knew those jelly beans would come in handy.

17 comments:

  1. Of course you realise that when you yell out "BOO!", that there will be pileups on escalators everywhere, from frightened citizens quietly going about their retail therapy.......

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  2. The most interesting thing about this story is that there were SIX men in Bondi Junction Westfield! Six! In the middle of the day! What were they doing there?

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  3. I'd be medicating with something a little stronger than jelly beans!!

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  4. Thanks for a humourous reminder of my many trips to Westfield Doncaster with my toddlers, most memorable of the two was my first born. She sounds very much like Boo, headstrong, strong willed etc, great qualities for getting a 95.5 in your ATAR scores but not as a 3 year old in a busy shopping mall. The number of times she and I came to blows over her running off in Myers and taking herself to the loo (yes we had been there so often she knew at the age of 4 where to find them) leaving me to think she had been kidnapped! or just refusing to sit in the stroller and push it into other peoples ankles, or the time when she wasn't allowed a treat and screamed full bore from one end of the centre to the other with me holding her under my arm and pushing my baby in the pram with the other to the car! Oh the joys of motherhood, such happy memories! NOT!!

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  5. I am reminded of the following Mallrats scene- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gwGcP8QbH8

    Not a year goes by... Sorry I just couldn't resist!

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  6. Fender, you crack me up. The potent combination of Kerri's story-telling and your dry commentary hss forced a little bit of wee into my pants.*

    *This may or may not be entirely made up.

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  7. aww poor boo!

    i'm at bondi westfield all the time - i would have giggled at her antics, not pushed past, annoyed. does sound scary for her though!

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  8. Wait.... did the six young men land on top of you?
    Can I please borrow Boo and the pram?
    (BTW captcha word is 'radsogs'. What is it with me, your blog & strange words?)

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  9. That right there is my worst nightmare. Glad that you didn't lose a toe (injured already i know) or Boo. Not so concerned about the 6 young men.
    When we were still strollerised (no longer any point for mr3 now) pushing stroller sadly often meant going extremely fast and running into things/people. Shopping trolleys the same.
    Michelle

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  10. Are we talking, like, massive pileup? All falling over each other? Were the guys hot?

    Mate if it was videotaped, you could win Funniest Home Videos!

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  11. That is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. My sister's son got his croc (shoe) caught at the top of the escalator, putting it out of action for the day. Now that was a good pileup too. Altho somehow she got a new pair of shoes for him out of it - and the next size up to boot! Merry Christmas to you!

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  12. Ah ha, so now I know the reason why Westfield have started putting crash mats at the bottom of all their escalators.
    (But I am glad to hear that you are both okay x)

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  13. Oh the escalator pile-up is my worst nightmare. I prescribe at least 20,000 jellybeans and a shot of vodka.

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  14. GAH! Am glad all are well and okay - I too am wondring about the six young men in westfield in the middle of the day....

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  15. I had my cheapo rubi ballet flat sucked into the escalator in david jones in wbj. the wretched thing came to a shuddering halt and i hopped off partially barefoot!

    i have never seen so many people on an escalator! all did that awkward walk down a still escalator.

    props to djs though....some manager appeared and took me to the shoe department and told me to pick a pair, any pair!!

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  16. I had my cheapo rubi ballet flat sucked into the escalator in david jones in wbj. the wretched thing came to a shuddering halt and i hopped off partially barefoot!

    i have never seen so many people on an escalator! all did that awkward walk down a still escalator.

    props to djs though....some manager appeared and took me to the shoe department and told me to pick a pair, any pair!!

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  17. Thanks for a humourous reminder of my many trips to Westfield Doncaster with my toddlers, most memorable of the two was my first born. She sounds very much like Boo, headstrong, strong willed etc, great qualities for getting a 95.5 in your ATAR scores but not as a 3 year old in a busy shopping mall. The number of times she and I came to blows over her running off in Myers and taking herself to the loo (yes we had been there so often she knew at the age of 4 where to find them) leaving me to think she had been kidnapped! or just refusing to sit in the stroller and push it into other peoples ankles, or the time when she wasn't allowed a treat and screamed full bore from one end of the centre to the other with me holding her under my arm and pushing my baby in the pram with the other to the car! Oh the joys of motherhood, such happy memories! NOT!!

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